- promoting a clearer understanding of men's experience -
This appears to currently be topical.
Is it amongst the banter in the smoko rooms of our workplaces?
Will Clarke rise above the Feminist soap opera – you know, the how we think it should be done?
Have you been a stay-at-home Dad?
“Mate, there’s nothing to it, you can work and look after the kids at the same time, without falling asleep at the wheel,” said the blind man.
Let’s hear the breadth and depth of the MENZ experience.
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Oh, perhaps the only visitors here are those who will never be a stay-at-home Dad, as they are fighting some silly bitch and her screw loose lawyer just to see their children.
I’ve meet a few stay-at-home dads, but they are about as rare as hen’s teeth, and in my view socially isolated by a combination of fear, prejudice and self conciousness.
You know what it’s like when you’re walking down the road and one of your children wants to hold your hand – it’s not like society looks at you diffently the day you become that parent.
But really do you for some reason think you need some special training, or an additional qualification to move from father to that parent.
Isn’t that what really pisses women off, when you can not only do it, you’re better at it than them, except for maybe the dusting.
Did the dust really bother you?
Comment by Downunder — Mon 14th May 2018 @ 7:33 am
I love it.
Tens years of dust is ok if there is something to show for it. But 25 years I can’t handle.
Sound too much like a life sentence. I have already had enough of them. My mind drifts uncontrollably….
Comment by MurrayBacon — Mon 14th May 2018 @ 5:39 pm
So true hence the reason why nothing gets done. everyone is busy finding what ties their lives together so they can suffer in pieces.
No comment re below since this is your experience. Have to admit, I have met quite a few. Just too busy surviving what you describe above and below.
Re below, I do. Making a child does not make one a good parent. Wanting to be a parent does not make a good parent. It takes a lot more than training to be a good parent.
Re below, the last thing one wants to do is corner a pussy cat. It will tear you apart on its way to the door. Foolishness does not go beyond letting her know you might be better at changing diapers than she does. A smart man would pretend he knows nothing about these and pretend further he is too weak to handle such stink.
This is what screws most men up. And incidentally their relationships. Jumping across roles and making her feel inadequate in her own element. Gosh, what arrogance!!!!
And then you wonder why she emasculates you in court?
Comment by JustCurious — Tue 15th May 2018 @ 6:17 pm
I think this is the education men need and are thoroughly missing.
Instead of letting her cook and sneak out with the kids for a coupla hours of fun,
the idiots take over the kitchen and make a better meal than she can.
And whislt doing that, shows a better handle on the kids than she does.
Instead of letting her do the housework and congratulate her on her green fingers in the garden and the amazing meals or lunches she makes for you for work, (even though it’s un-eatable) the idiot gets in the garden and does twice more work in an hour than she could do in a week and tells her how bad her sand-wishes are or boasts of his amazing feat in the garden.
Deep inside she hates your gut for ruining everything she had built up and done up to then.And then we owner why she stops making us lunches or looses interest in the garden.
Instead of letting her complain about things and accepting that is simply how she feels.
Most idiots try to convince her she is not right in the head.
And that they should not feel the way she feels.
And then they wonder why the conjugal bed is so cold in the winter.
Instead of listening quietly to her complain about everything and anything
and then offering a massage and reinforce that she is doing great – no matter what.
Most idiots – like me – start giving advice left and right.
And they they wonder why she calls the guy controlling and stops consulting him.
Being a man is an art most people fail at.
Women end up raising the boys they marry.
And this until they meet a real man.
And this is when they realize they had been fooled.
He was an impostor.
They gave him kids but he was not a real man.
They slaved for him but he was only a boy.
And what do you do with an impostor?
You make them rue the day they were born.
And everything after.
Comment by JustCurious — Tue 15th May 2018 @ 6:41 pm
I have been a stay at home dad and more recently about 1/2 working, half stay at home dad.
My performance as a stay at home is not terrible and Murray makes some well founded points about people with my illness as to why it’s not great either. In my case with a supportive partner and favourable situation it was possible to be the full time stay at home parent. It’s not easy to live on one income especially when the lost income is larger. I however will never regret the time off raising our kid. The serous effect on my savings making it possible hurt. I think there are significant barriers to males being stay at home dads but who knows where humanity is heading. The rise of friends parenting arrangements etc.
I’m sure those involved in supporting fathers could clarify but I’m pretty sure that most stay at home dads occur from the mother abandoning the kids in some way rather than the result of a court battle. Obviously drugs, new man, not there thing, not now in life, illness etc etc as causes. Similar to some males apparently but with labels like deadbeat.
JustCurious
Understand were your coming from. Similar to, it doesn’t matter what you do, your always in the shit, it’s just the depth that varies.
So why try?
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 16th May 2018 @ 11:44 pm
@5… meetoo
we should start our own MEEtoo “stay at home blokes”
Why try?
Because we must.
WE try because we love.
And we try because we learn.
And because there is no other way.
Feels great sometimes.
Feels like shit sometimes.
But we must be our own sun.
And we must shine our own rays.
Women are teachers and so are children.
If we do not listen they make us feel the pain
But if we do we tend to loose our certain brain.
Either way its never in vain.
The wealth we find within.
That is the goal.
Comment by JustCurious — Thu 17th May 2018 @ 2:54 am
@5
Disagree there DJ.
I would say most solo Dad’s occur that way as the Family Court and their train of dribbling idiots go to extreme lengths to try and make any incompetent, addicted or incapable female the custodial parent so she can get the DPB.
It’s the female equivalent of prison for mental health patients.
But the most stay at home Dads occur where there are two good incomes where this becomes a choice.
I think we should distinguish between solo fathers and stay at home dads.
Comment by Downunder — Thu 17th May 2018 @ 2:37 pm
There is a Feminist question here:
Men aren’t in many cases good at representing themselves :
Meaning they are better to sit down and let someone express the circumstances they find themselves in.
Feminist lawyers express what their client thinks and because she is a woman what she thinks no matter how insane those thoughts are they should be taken
Comment by Evan Myers — Thu 17th May 2018 @ 3:27 pm
This is probably the biggest problem for blokes as they only understand the obligation of criminal law to answer in the court (to the crown) and not the civil remedy.
Comment by Downunder — Thu 17th May 2018 @ 4:08 pm
Tell us oh wise man.
What of the civil remedy?
Comment by JustCurious — Thu 17th May 2018 @ 4:35 pm
@10 I was responding to the comment at #8.
Perhaps you missed that.
Comment by Downunder — Thu 17th May 2018 @ 5:22 pm
@3 That’s a sizeable opinion.
It’s ok for a woman to expect a man to do anything she can’t and a man should not do anything better than she can in case it upsets her?
And women are well aware of the shadow of this thinking.
Do as I say or I’ll call the police. (Male removed courtesy of the protection order she hasn’t yet got)
Do as I say or I’ll go and tell a Family Court Judge. (My way or the highway)
BUT if there is injury or neglect and the father/step father/partner was in a position where he could have stepped in but didn’t he is equally liable by being present.
The contradictory position of the two legal standards leaves the male hamstrung and the child’s only protection the state.
The law doesn’t support a male holding a reasonable expectation, especially one where it involves a woman improving her behaviour.
That has been a diver in the deterioration in parenting standards and the increase in neglect, and it doesn’t encourage men’s participation in the child’s life.
That is not to say that the intention should be to make a mother feel inadequate, when they’re living in the same house, but when parents are separated you’re suggesting that a father should lower his standards to meet any indequate standard in the mother’s house?
Comment by Downunder — Fri 18th May 2018 @ 9:21 am
Interesting: A court of revenge is acceptable because a male got confused about gender roles and did something better than a woman.
Comment by Evan Myers — Fri 18th May 2018 @ 9:40 am
@ 11 – I know. just asking of a civil remedy in case there was a magic wand you had. Could use one.
@12 – NO I am saying neither. But great insight into the current state of things.
@13 – Very good question…
In general I see most guys seem to hold quite a lot of negative feeling about women.
But we have mothers and daughters.
SO our position is almost similar to the feminist position.
Comment by JustCurious — Fri 18th May 2018 @ 10:30 am
Feminist have very cleverly used women rights to turn women and children into protected species.
Men are seen as violent and irresponsible.
Women and kids are incapacitated persons and therefore protected by virtue of age and emotions.
Logically, at what age do boys or sons become men?
Do they automatically become abusers as soon as they start growing pubic hair?
And at what age do girls or daughters become women?
And given automatic protection from men?
Or do girls retain that protection from childhood to adulthood?
But boys move from protected to abuser?
How many of us have daughters to raise and what can we do different so they do not end up in their mother’s shoes.
Comment by JustCurious — Fri 18th May 2018 @ 10:34 am
@14 Justice is supported by Criminal Law, not Feminism.
Feminism is slowly grinding away at changing our law to Civil Law and ‘Feministing’ in the process.
People keep saying the pendulum will swing back one day … but just as any kid might tell you …
“One day never comes, does it, Dad!”
Comment by Downunder — Fri 18th May 2018 @ 11:14 am
The current fiasco around the PM is misleading really. She’s happy to leave Dad to be the full time parent and they can afford that luxury.
But on the bottom rung being allowed to be a father without a fight is a luxury.
Be interesting to know how many stay at home dad situations failed because the mother didn’t cope with being the outside parent, then raced off to the Family Court to get sole custody to soothe her upset womanhood.
Comment by Evan Myers — Fri 18th May 2018 @ 5:05 pm
@16 – You are right again
this may be so but you must remember that first it goes to family court.
Usually by way of without notice.
If needed FC waits for cyfs s132 report (care is usually suspended to allow it).
Then police waits for FC outcome to press charges.
Which can take easily six months for FC to make findings of facts. If ever.
Often time an s133 (psychologist report) is required for FC to make head and tales of allegations.
This can easily take an extra 12 weeks delays…
Luckily they no longer allow specialist report critique (which used to add another 12 weeks).
And so on and so on…
When the police gets onto the scene, then it becomes criminal.
Comment by JustCurious — Fri 18th May 2018 @ 11:59 pm
@7 … but if you go to university and a bunch of Feminists screw with your head then give you a qualification how do you know that all you got was a seat on a train to nowhere?
Until someone tells them different they’ll think they’re doing the ‘right thing’.
Comment by Downunder — Sun 20th May 2018 @ 9:32 am