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17 Strategies Used By Narcissists to Alienate the Other Parent

Filed under: General — Lukenz @ 10:14 am Tue 1st June 2021

Have you ever wondered why your child has lost contact with you? Why they might be behaving poorly towards you or not openly communicating as they did the week before?

Below is the 17 strategies used by narcissists to alienate the other parent.

It has been a real struggle to get the narrative to accept this form of child abuse.

How many can you tick off that has happened to you?

1. Badmouthing (Example: Constantly criticizing the character of the other parent in front of the children.)

2. Limiting Contact (Example: planning activities for the children during the other’s parent time.)

3. Interfering with Communication (Example: placing unnecessary restrictions and rules around phone calls with the other parent.)

4. Interfering with Symbolic Communication (Example: Getting rid of the child’s pictures of the other parent.)

5. Withdrawal of Love (Example: Subtly giving the child the message that if they love the other parent, they are less valuable.)

6. Telling Child Targeted Parent Does Not Love Him or Her (Example: “If your dad really loved you, he would have never done what he did.”)

7. Forcing Child to Choose (Example: “Are you going to be loyal to me or your mother?”)

8. Creating the Impression that the Targeted Parent is Dangerous (Example: Packing pepper spray in the child’s bag on a visit to the other parent and teaching them to use it “in case the other parent tries anything.”)

9. Confiding in Child (Example: Telling the child all the details of your ex’s affair.)

10. Forcing Child to Reject Targeted Parent

11. Requesting Child to Spy on Targeted Parent

12. Asking Child to Keep Secrets from Targeted Parent

13. Calling the Targeted Parent by First Name

14. Referring to a Step parent as “Mom” or “Dad” and Encouraging Child to Do the Same

15. Withholding Medical, Academic, and Other Important Information from Targeted Parent/ Keeping Targeted Parent’s Name off of Medical, Academic, and Other Relevant Documents

16. Changing Child’s Name to Remove Association with Targeted Parent

17. Cultivating Dependency (Example: Making the child feel like they need to be with the parent to be OK. Or making the child feel like the parent needs them to be OK.)


  1. Why the narcissist?

    Why not, for example a person of low self-esteem developing criminal tendencies?

    We’ve had arguments here of/about pathology as well.

    The essence in my mind is that it is a transfer of purpose, or in the extreme making the child a self-destructive explosive weapon.

    Approaching child alienation this way doesn’t suit feminism as it places the mother as the subject of enquiry as to what inspires the behavior, mental illness or a criminal mind or a personality defect.

    In doing so it allows the law to not be held responsible for its actions on behalf of the female client.

    Narcissism is now simply a convenient parrot response that allows some men to cling to a possible explanation.

    Comment by Downunder — Tue 1st June 2021 @ 10:51 am

  2. Narcissists have extremely high self-esteem. I have studied self-esteem and read studies by the likes of Prof Roy Baumeister. High self-esteem is found in several studies of individuals who exhibit violent, reckless, dangerous, bullying, and criminal behaviour. Stop and think about that for a moment. The reasons are obvious. People with low self-esteem suffer from bullying, depression and have low expectations of the world. But they are far,far nicer people than those with high self-esteem. Some confuse self-respect and rights with self-esteem. They are not the same at all. I list many benefits on my website (psychology tab) that can result from lowering your self-esteem from high to moderate.
    Wanting a fair go requires you to not have high self-esteem, because if you would like to be treated fairly, you will have to try to treat others fairly yourself. I abhor the twisted notion that giving someone “a taste of their own medicine” will do some good. Not, sorry. Punishments usually at best temporarily suppress behaviours. It is effective to look to how bad behaviours are being reinforced and rewarded, remove those rewards, and find ways to nudge other better behaviours, especially ones incompatible with the bad ones. Our legal system is often inhumane and destructive. But it should at the very least expose bad behaviours like these. We need to educate people about them, too, so they are recognised for what they are..

    Comment by Jonathon Harper — Wed 2nd June 2021 @ 10:47 am

  3. There’s a certain amount of politics that goes with the Narcissistic label.

    Notice how there is no real objection from feminism about that?

    Begs the question as to why they wouldn’t be complaining and how convenient that is?

    Comment by Evan Myers — Wed 2nd June 2021 @ 11:02 am

  4. I tend to agree with Downunder. It doesn’t matter about the labels. They just provide an escape or an excuse for bad behaviour. When you boil it all down, its about women seeking revenge. Behind this revenge is anger, sometimes a hatred. Without discounting genuine abuse cases, once a women is cradled into one of the many female support services, they are sent on a path of retribution. Their anger is never addressed.

    Imagine if these support services spoke to women in the following way:

    “Are the outcomes you are seeking really in the child’s best interests?”
    “Are you protecting the relationship between the child and the other parent?”
    “Would these still think the same if you were no longer feeling as hurt or angry?”

    Most separations require the ex-partners to go through the Parenting Through Separation Program. Unfortunately this is just lip service. There is no yardstick to show that you are following the values in the Program by your behaviour. The core value being the children’s interests must/always come first. This means having a loving and positive relation with BOTH parents.

    Comment by ErasingDad — Wed 2nd June 2021 @ 3:12 pm

  5. Quote
    Have you ever wondered why your child has lost contact with you? Why they might be behaving poorly towards you or not openly communicating as they did the week before?

    That’s harking back perhaps to a moment in time when the lie was told, the influence exerted, and you can pinpoint the change.

    Once that psychological captivation is created you can have a elderly women exerting the same influence over adult children and grandchildren.

    It’s not limited to a childhood aberration it is a social disease.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Thu 3rd June 2021 @ 12:40 pm

  6. 4 June 2021
    [email protected]
    Tēnā koe XXXX
    Official Information Act 1982 request
    Thank you for your Official Information Act 1982 (OIA) request of 28 April 2021 to the Ministry of Justice (the Ministry). On 7 May 2021, the Ministry contacted you to clarify your request and on 11 May 2021, you clarified your request as relating to the following process:

    “If a respondent chooses to exit the…Family Court process, their lawyer will submit a Notice of Discontinuance. I know of several people who been through this process where they have simply given up on pursuing parental orders and walk away from the process. Notice of Discontinuance is Rule 195A Family Court Rules 2002.”

    I must advise the Ministry does not report on information with the level of detail required to respond to your clarified request. The Ministry holds information on the number of “Notice of Discontinuance” applications filed under “Rule 195A Family Court Rules 2002” but does not report on whether these applications are filed by the applicant or respondent to applications for parenting orders filed under the Care of Children Act 2004.
    I am therefore refusing your clarified request under section 18(g) of the OIA as there are no grounds for believing that the information is held by the Ministry, another department, Minister of the Crown, organisation, or local authority.


    I had asked for a breakdown of discontinuances between applicants and respondents. Respondents are largely men who end up giving up due to finances or continual barriers such as LFCs or vengeful Applicants.

    Comment by ErasingDad — Fri 4th June 2021 @ 3:26 pm

  7. Humans are inherently Narcissists.

    I’m on holiday at the moment.
    Relaxing, doing a few Tourist things, where we are staying.
    The display of wealth, in this Tourist town, is unavoidable.
    Endless big boats, huge houses, and exotic, flash cars.

    But the cost of things, is also shocking, except to the rich, I guess.
    Myself living, within the opposite wealth demographic, area.
    One short trip on a boat, half a weeks pay.
    Or food at a days pay, and accommodation, two more.

    While my partner and I can afford a week living like that.
    Most in the area I live, could not.
    But even to us, the wealth, is strange.
    Deserted of people, a few locals, the retired.

    The wealth abandoned, without its flesh and blood.
    The boats empty, houses, unoccupied.
    Streets silent, bar the servant workers, renting.
    Who then would do such a thing with money.

    It looks great, but it’s just a boat.
    Some of the best, scariest, even theological moments.
    Took place on a dinghy I once owned.
    Now recycled scrap metal, it was that bad.

    And my cars, all but a few.
    I am the last owner.
    Driven to its inevitable end.
    Now just recycled, near worthless scrap.

    Homes and houses, are different things.
    I remember few nights sleep at home.
    All of them, when sleeping in my car.
    And yes, the accommodation, of a Tourist.

    So to me, I see narcissist things everywhere.
    Good on them, for becoming wealthy.
    Accidentally, hard work, or frugality and wisdom.
    Possibly even a fair share of ill gotten wealth.

    Mostly just for display, of wealth.
    Very narcissistic.


    Another version of Humans as narcissistic.
    Is the blatant drive for wealth.
    Obviously we see it as the driving force in the FC.
    In all aspects, from the ex partners demands, to lawyer scams.

    But I saw it in the complete destruction of our forests.
    I stood in a small grove of magnificent Kauri.
    A small resinate patch of inhumanity.
    Mountains laid bare, with greed.

    They could have divided the land into 600 parts.
    And harvested, magnificent trees, every year, for eternity.
    Now only a lonely few trees, testament to stupid humans, exist.
    It gets even worse.

    They didn’t plant new trees.
    Cut down 70 plus years ago.
    There is few 70 year old trees.
    It’s mostly just under canopy trees, scrub.

    Two acts of greed driven stupidity at the same time.
    Could anything be more narcissistic in one event.
    Twice I’ve seen this, a grove of magnificent trees, surrounded by desolation.
    Scrubland, and low output, grasslands.

    More and more.
    I see humans narcissist traits.


    The family court treats the man like the forest.
    It harvests what it can, in organised, recklessness.
    If the forest survives, only little remains.
    And nothing is planted, for the future.

    Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 4th June 2021 @ 8:36 pm

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