Men Must Write
I’ve copied this from a New Zealand political page … It could just as easily apply here.
In the current political muddle, or puddle if you prefer, a review of politics with high quality research that advances scholarly debates in all areas of policy and in political theory is essential to the restoration and strength that conservatism needs to successfully restore its guiding influence.
Quoting Mark Twain, “A man who doesn’t read has no advantage over a man who cannot read.”
The historical difficulty of men reading or taking the time to read is well described and was largely circumvented in New Zealand and quite successfully through the strength of journalism and quality of our newspapers.
That’s not the media of today, of course.
Those issues were read aloud in workplaces, smoko rooms, around kitchen tables and various other places communicating and educating in a way we don’t see today.
There was a unity amongst men that we also don’t see today.
There’s comedians aplenty and good meme-makers and they are an influence but today, as was noted a century ago by Jane Mander, we must encourage men to write.
Wise words from our history books and sadly they must be repeated today.
I have written little privately, mostly online.
Started writing a story twice, but best I can, destroyed them.
However I am planning to write some things.
Just need lots of time with nothing to do.
Highly likely I will blessed with some.
Then again only a sentence can say many things.
The comment.
Even those who don’t know what they are.
Is still relevant, so something to explore.
Along with better explanations for some science stuff.
I know I got some things correct, and understand it better.
All going well, the important stuff hidden in the background.
And normal stuff in the foreground.
I think Downunder that we both have written our fair share.
Write more!
You are not writing enough!
“We must encourage men to write”!
Geez, writing for me involves parole like monitoring.
I will search for some encouragement.
I have never had any from people in my real life.
For writing here.
Strange how that works.
That somehow the subject of ours is poisoned.
But I see now it’s because of fear.
That they can’t handle the truth.
That women see us looking at there crimes.
There secret.
We have also both written about the long term effects on men.
And blatantly now with boys.
Generational fatherlessness.
I don’t know how reliable it is but I saw a statistic.
80% of a type of rapist were raised by solo mothers.
So let’s persecute boys.
Clearly it’s the boys fault.
Being naturally misogynistic to his mothers plight/choice.
An upbringing absent of any masculinity is otherwise clearly working.
The results are bad.
But if we double down.
More sex crime laws, more DV laws.
Add a little time………
Quick plug the holes.
The HMNZ Misandry is sinking.
Start the pumps.
Denigrate them with media, and celebrate hate men marches.
This men, as women’s compliant property, must work.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 4th April 2021 @ 12:01 am
@1 I studied literature to a greater depth about 10 years back. That no doubt reflected in my style and content but personally it gave me a general acceptance that anything I wrote would be historically relevant rather than accepted in the present.
That seemed to be an incomprehensible conflict for our resident psychologist back then and the difficulty in making that transition if you can call it that was the help of another writer.
Female in this case and although somewhat feminist dedicated to the profession. This has very much been the case in history that the best writers or writing are often produced by association and probably had much to do with the persecution of many in history – the best writers die in gaol, is an old saying.
From what I see online with modern technology, writing, is of course, easier and an audience of some description easier to find and with that a lack of attention to what can be learned from study and reading.
Men in this respect are falling behind very fast without realising.
Comment by Downunder — Sun 4th April 2021 @ 6:46 am
Somewhat difficult to get your head around, Mander.
She was definitely an early feminist but you need to keep that in perspective. She was never the greatest writer for the same reason, and her first and only significant book “Story of a New Zealand River” once it did get published overseas ended up in the restricted section of New Zealand libraries … because she had that strength of character … placing her own experiences in that of a child in the story.
She was never a man hater, and probably as a consequence of her father had a very holistic view of the world.
Why men must write, is very much the case today, (Mander was a pre-war writer even though publication was delayed until the mid 1920s) so, what we are essentially missing, and we’re failing to understand this … not everyone of course … is that it’s easy to get lost in the current propaganda and not see what is actually happening.
Comment by Evan Myers — Mon 10th May 2021 @ 9:28 am
I don’t think the man hating side of feminism belongs to all feminists.
There is many countries where genuine feminism is needed.
Feminism is not needed in NZ.
Do feminists have a genuine argument for where it’s needed.
Arguments about % pay gaps is not feminism.
As females have freedom.
To education.
Safe childbirth.
Specialist hospitals.
Free, to low cost, contraception.
Abortion, and morning after pills.
Childcare, and working for families.
Maternity leave, and Child Support.
Police that will believe any accusation.
Refuges, and endless other services.
Representation in law examination, making.
Lesser sentences, if charged at all.
Children in prisons.
Specialist, women only Law firms.
50% or more of assets.
And near guaranteed child custody.
Can legally rape men.
Sexually assault males, free of consequences.
Kill children, under special laws.
Not name fathers.
Or choose to live on a benefit for life.
Have 5 baby daddies, all with protection orders.
Make false accusations, with near immunity.
Live longer, safer lives.
Commit suicide at natural rates.
NZer of the year awards.
And now $50 million to try and stop 50 cervical cancer deaths.
To feminism we have a value to a woman’s life, budgeted for value.
What then to the value of a mans life.
Men can write all they want, but precious time spent.
If ones life is worthless, to feminism.
The words, more valuable.
As is the writing, of genuine feminists.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 10th May 2021 @ 5:37 pm
Feminism in various forms had been on the rise since the 1700s especially in Europe and obviously played a contributing part in the lead up to WW1.
It was effectively outlawed in Germany during the armistice as the National Socialists grew through to WW2
Post war conservatism and rebuilding kept women occupied through to the 1970s when feminists found a protest vehicle in the Vietnam War.
It’s hard to know what books influenced Mander and apart from an early participation in teaching she was a journalist and Newspaper editor by 1907.
We had limited publishing facilities in those days and I imagine we lost so much valuable information that history can easily be rewritten to the advantage on the ruling gender which has been a common trend in international literature.
Comment by Downunder — Tue 11th May 2021 @ 6:29 am
https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/300329121/dominion-rd-murder-young-mother-jailed-for-14-years-for-stabbing-partner
Firstly I don’t have to much difficulty with the sentence.
Once everything is considered.
But I must write.
………….
What price a mans life.
In my own experience of similar.
My partner had taken my money from my account.
So I had no money for petrol, to get to work.
I asked her what the money was spent on.
Strangely knifes are a women thing.
And in her hand, she ended the conversation.
Luckily for me, I got away, to the safety of a bedroom door.
Luckily for her, nobody got hurt.
But so simply, a murder, of this young man.
Such a short price, for a mans life.
No life, for a life, even as just a sentence, of time.
Without, minimum parole.
Hell, call it what it is.
Manslaughter.
…………………
Would be a good, official information request.
Last 50 cases of females charged with males death.
Last 50 cases of males charged with females death.
Including not charged.
Imagine the sentence difference.
For relationship stabbings
………….
7 years until parol.
Cheap.
So I hope she leaves, a better person.
And rewards society.
For its charity.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 10th June 2021 @ 6:01 pm
Life has inevitable moments, and shed a few tears.
The emotion of forgiveness, a likely cause.
Far better than wanting justice.
The thing about wrongdoing, it’s like the lie.
The truth teller, has no burden of the past.
The wrongdoer, knows, you know the truth.
No better, forgiveness.
Should it not be, there burden.
That it’s they, that must forgive themselves.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 11th June 2021 @ 5:23 pm
I thought that the sentence for murder was mandatory life imprisonment. That meant that early release is always accompanied by being subject to recall to jail, if the police are not happy with any aspect of the released prisoner’s life.
But the Crimes Act has been amended to a maximum sentence of life imprisonment. I personally think that it is dangerous to forgo recall to prison, for convicted murderers.
What do you think?
Does anyone know when that change was made?
Comment by Murray Bacon — Fri 11th June 2021 @ 8:22 pm
@8 No idea about that, myself.
But an axe murderer would know that, surely.
Do we know any axe murderers?
Comment by Evan Myers — Fri 11th June 2021 @ 8:52 pm
I picked up a book.
One I have actually hardly read.
Skimmed over the important bits.
And occasionally, just randomly going to a page.
So I tried, to see how I interpreted, what is written.
So John Acts 2
My interpretation is that.
When Jerusalem has devout people of every nation.
Speaking there own language.
But easily understood, by the listener.
Are you now all the same, just humans, Galilean.
And I rarely drink, so it’s not the wine speaking.
So no speaking tongues, a misinterpretation.
It says what it says.
Coming of the Holy Spirit.
Power of the internet, likely.
As interpreter.
Not speaking tongues.
Often used by the conmen of religion.
……..
Also at the time, many religions existed.
But ultimately for any religion, if it was on sound ground.
Would emulate Christianity.
Just as Buddha and Christ are similar.
So to the people of the time.
Listening to the ideas of other religions.
Would if Universal Theory compliant, sound identical.
To the words of Christ.
Hence Gods words, in all speech.
Speaking, in all tongues.
So possibly out of context.
As in the point of view, of the author.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 16th June 2021 @ 5:46 pm
I have been asked about my book of writing.
If there is any secrets in there.
I am certain some were lost, torn out.
But there is some funny things.
“This pen while writing nicely, pisses me off”
“This pen behaves the worst of my four pens. Really I should learn how to use the thing properly.”
Have lost what the other pens, said about themselves.
One of them wrote this.
Space we come to admire.
From a distance we aspire.
Stare speckled universe.
A daunting distance free.
Light escaping everywhere.
Never to be set free.
Catch a glimpse of yesterday.
Where today is all we see.
Cant escape fast enough.
Because tomorrow has to be.
But we may always remember.
Today will always be.
Stare speckled universe.
Never to be set free.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 15th July 2021 @ 5:59 pm
I have been advised to write some poetry.
And just now, change the music on my radio.
The poetry just happens.
Trying to write it intentionally, struggles to work.
But my radio.
Music has with time, become a comfort.
And a guide.
Poets singing.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 18th July 2021 @ 11:43 am
At some point I will write a letter.
Both time and distance are in play.
What, and to whom.
While I work things out, a story.
I found the place where man separated the sea.
I found myself at a dead end.
The first time, I knew there was something there.
When I found myself there again, I saw a sign.
A lady stumbled in the distance, going up to a walkway.
I knew whatever I was supposed to see, must be there.
So I left my car and followed, to the same place she fell.
And climbed the bank, and found a magnificent view.
A great reward, for the short walk.
There before me.
To my left the sea.
To my right the sea.
Separated by the walkway, and tracks.
There in the background, the makings of humans.
So I searched the sea for life, and saw none.
No weed or fish, barren and still.
So I looked again.
To the left tracks, for some distance.
To the right tracks, for some distance.
Certainly it’s in the middle, I thought.
So I walked, to I couldn’t decide.
And there I stood, looking.
And at my feet I found it.
Just a weed.
Upon it two flowers, one good, one bad.
So I picked the good one.
The most perfect, of any I had seen.
I knew then.
I could go to meet my mother.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 19th July 2021 @ 5:37 pm
The other day something interesting happened.
While at a special place for me.
The sun set, exactly in the V of the hills.
In a gap of clouds.
While behind us.
The full moon rose.
Cresting a hill.
Certainly wise, the wait.
To see it.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 27th July 2021 @ 5:34 pm
The thing I feared the most.
Due to my experience, in October last year.
Was the fear I would be stoped, from writing.
I knew I must write, and face the consequences.
I learnt early in life there is some things, you cannot say.
The result being locked up in mental health facilities.
Something that’s stoped my writing, twice.
So I have been very lucky.
My writing intimately examined, judged.
So I have done well.
Treading the fine line, to get the words out.
An output, to my experience.
And a better understanding of things.
So if it happens again.
Who knows then.
What argument, would be written next.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 1st August 2021 @ 8:24 am
bildungsroman … is a European word for a classification of books we refer to in English as ‘coming of age’ literature.
The one I remember most from my teenage years is “The Contender” by Robert Lypsyte.
Do they still feature in adolescence today?
Are there modern versions?
Do you remember a particular book from your teenage years?
Comment by Evan Myers — Sun 1st August 2021 @ 9:21 am
Some interesting arguments in this.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/science/127003358/simple-life-probably-common-in-our-galaxy-intelligence-incredible-rare-says-prof-brian-cox
The title itself, can be looked at with humour.
Are humans overrated, still a little simple.
“So you might think our galaxy has produced civilisations more than once and maybe thousands or millions of times. But there’s no evidence of this.”
This is the important part to the argument.
Because it’s the only evidence we have.
“Life on Earth is about 3.8 billion years old and that was pretty much single-cell life for about 3.2 billion of those years, he said. More complex life started evolving on Earth about 600 million years ago.”
The first issue is going from nothing to the cell.
If that’s a statistical miracle, we may be the only one.
But science can show how it can happen.
Humans can attempt to measure the odds.
It took an awfully long time, for multi cell creatures to be created.
If that’s a statistical miracle, we may be the only one.
But science can show how it can happen.
Humans can attempt to measure the odds.
It took an awfully long time, for human intelligence to be created.
If that’s a statistical miracle, we may be the only one.
Are we not our own science experiment.
Certain we are alone.
Even another civilisation lasting 100 million years.
Is only a small window of time.
Not even we humans have proved, interstellar colonisation is possible.
Or even communication.
I actually support the idea of very simple life being common.
Even if it’s one in every 1000 stars, life is still common.
Millions of examples, and millions of extinctions.
There remains only one question.
Have our statistical miracles run out.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 21st November 2021 @ 11:18 pm
In the darkness, shadows are complete.
Then at dawn, your shadow appears.
As long as it will be, it approaches.
Slowly until midday, your shadow greets you.
As short as it will be, even directly below you.
Slowly then, the shadow grows taller.
The shadow rising, as the sun sets.
As long as it will be, it flees.
Then again, in darkness hides the shadow.
Complete again.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 13th December 2021 @ 11:42 am
This is an interesting argument.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/science/300475046/richard-dawkins-foray-into-the-nz-science-curriculum-isnt-helpful
I have watched a documentary of his, so have listened to his point of view.
If evolution is involved in everything, but innate things like a rock.
Then even knowledge, is evolutionary.
The example used, the mats shows knowledge in practice.
How then did the knowledge, develop.
Was there an observation, in the distant past.
The observer, then intentionally doing it again.
The story told, and passed on.
Myths then are an analogy, of knowledge.
Observation, has evolved a story.
Even gravity becomes a story, of an apple falling from a tree.
So myths are not in conflict, with science.
They are the observation, of science.
They can and do, get taught together.
A piece of knowledge, can in words be complete fantasy.
And clearly, not true.
But it’s philosophy, may be undeniably science.
Dawkins proposal, is for boring science.
Narrowed down, to only the empirical.
What is knowledge then, without a description.
When the apple breaks free, it will certainly hit the ground.
Even Dawkins reverence to science, commands it to be so.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 18th December 2021 @ 8:38 am
There is an error, in calling the rock innate.
What then of the pebble, did it not evolve from the rock.
Broken loose from its perch, the rock begins life.
Gravity seals its fate, moving it inevitably lower.
Nature visits the rock, with its wind and rain.
And life swarms it, atom by atom dissolving it.
Slowly it falls, swept up in even the smallest of landslides.
Greeting its new master, the stream.
Swept up in the flood, it tumbles.
Chipping away, at its surface.
Slowly nature shapes it, to be aerodynamic.
The rock now evolved, into the pebble.
Carried down stream, for some even to the sea.
Deposited, for an age.
It’s the human, that can play god with the pebble.
Digging it up, changing the pebbles fate.
It is humans, that can crush the pebble.
The rock evolving, ever smaller.
Using humans, to be new again.
But now, many new rocks.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 18th December 2021 @ 10:06 am
Even Santa is something, evolved by humans.
It was not a thing, when Christ was around.
So we made a day, to celebrate him and his gift.
Guessing a day, and being contented with it.
For us it’s near our longest day, the heat of summer is arriving.
Santa’s parts are real, if you think about it.
Sleighs are real, so as well the domesticated Reindeer.
Near the shortest day, and longest night.
So plenty of time for some, even the endless night.
Time enough for the elves to make things, and Santa to deliver.
But what of the myth, of flying.
Is that not a magical thing, when the story was made.
Yet look about, do humans not fly.
Have humans not evolved the imaginary, real already.
Soon a human will make a contraption, a flying sleigh.
I am certain children would find such a thing, entertaining.
After all, that is what we celebrate for.
New life and the smile, of a child.
At is maximum potential, yet completely helpless.
For one birthday all children, can share in goodwill.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 19th December 2021 @ 7:38 am
The subject of a person splitting into personalities, is interesting.
As I did it at a very young age, as a result of an accident.
It’s were I put all the bad things, some now blank patches in time.
There is no need to remember, some things.
One personality is presented to the world, the other is in hiding from it.
One is calm and collected, one is an emotional train wreck.
One writes, and one speaks.
Dare not one speak, as anything may be said.
Dare not one write, as it would be boring.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 13th January 2022 @ 6:07 pm
I have been to the same place, twice.
A small cliff top, high enough to hurt properly.
And stood on the precipice, for the view.
Both times, of fog covered lowlands.
And both times the first stop, in a long day.
I have sat at the same seat, twice.
Lost at what to do facing the sea, for the view.
But different days, years apart a pregnant lady walked.
For a walk to the beach, and struggled as they met the sand.
Both of them picked themselves up, with pride.
I have been to the same mapmaker, twice.
Both times, to get her last copy.
As I had lost my way, and needed her help.
Both times grateful I paid more, refusing change.
And left with her at the door, wondering what just happened.
I have been to the second hand shop, twice.
Both times finding the same things, but years apart.
My partners present, and my mothers.
Certainly I placed my mothers cup, on the shelf myself.
Hiding it in the back, knowing it was important.
I have found places to walk on water, twice.
Once at the sea, to help walk a boat.
And just recently, at the river.
The currents strong shifting sand, making little islands.
Well from the shore, standing toe deep.
Somehow one day, can help to make another day.
Could one then put all the days together, for the perfect day.
Or is it pieces of a day, like a wedding.
Bit by bit imagined out, to create the day.
For my part I am only guilty, of placing the cup.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 31st January 2022 @ 12:00 am
I have reached my distance limit, with good timing.
As I have written, enough.
And have already begun, preparing the next step.
I will keep writing, until it is finished.
I must be patient, as things have there own timing.
My daughter has her birthday, and start of school.
I must also be, concise.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 2nd February 2022 @ 8:57 pm
My childhood, is not free of memory.
It is filled with moments, of events and places.
I struggle badly, with remembering names.
Maybe left it out to have more room, for other things.
Many memories are of my father, as he took us to do things.
But he was also, absent a lot.
Essentially I walked out the door, in the morning.
And returned, in time for dinner.
I don’t actually have bad memories, of my parents.
I certainly got a little, discipline and mostly deserved.
Only once by my father, who hit me for something I didn’t do.
He apologised sincerely, once he learned the truth.
Inherently it was my mother, who raised me.
She worked as well, to give what we had.
It was my mother, who would discover the wrong doing.
Waking me in dreams, sternly her voice states my name.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 3rd February 2022 @ 7:19 pm
We are lucky space, is so peaceful.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/world/us-canada/300511407/did-an-exploding-comet-help-end-an-ancient-native-american-culture
People would die, if the light cooked the ground.
And can happen, at any time.
Earths beginning, must have been very chaotic.
Maths wise, if you created the curve.
The start involves, constant collisions.
Billions of years later, there is hardly any.
Yet there are still many, tiny bits of dust.
Without intervention, certainly the curve is not finished.
Even as our solar system, travels recklessly in space.
It’s mass mostly processed, into planets.
It can simply travel trough, the path of countless objects.
One must explore a long way, to predict the future.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 5th February 2022 @ 11:54 am
This is an argument, that I had with myself.
I had tried to be good, but my number of partners had increased.
So the celibacy thing, is not my experience of life.
I guess also like the tinder lifestyle, I don’t remember there names.
………….
There is a path to righteousness that one must follow.
Passing life’s hollows of sorrow.
Peering past a future that may be.
Eternally yours as your judgement sees.
Your future remains in your grasp.
But temptations hand closes fast.
As it’s slippery finger decides to play.
And the path to righteousness has lost its way.
……….
The opposite page just says, to seek to explain.
Which I have tried my best, to understand.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 19th March 2022 @ 6:55 pm
Space can only become, more inhabited.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/world/europe/300545294/three-russian-cosmonauts-arrive-at-space-station-in-yellow-and-blue-will-give-us-astronaut-a-ride-to-earth
Many nations, can send things into space.
If NZ can do it, then why not every nation.
This won’t be, arguments about space stations.
Politics, interfering in science.
At some point, there will be a land grab for the moon.
Even Mars, will be calved up into legal titles.
As humans fight for land today, just as it always does.
Will they also fight, over the moon and Mars.
Even asteroids, may be claimed by possession.
The land on earth for the tyrant is occupied, space is claimless.
Only a tiny little bit of land, with US flags exists.
Soon there will be many more, footprints and photos.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 19th March 2022 @ 8:20 pm
I too am a writer of masculist theory.
I believe all the five or so main platforms of feminism can be thoroughly challenged by men
Including their views on war, violence, rapes, statistics, malign-ments, and so on.
We have no especial need to be or feel especially guilty as men; for all this undivided once was called part of the ‘Human Condition’.
We really need to neutrally end up there eventually.
FrontLine
Comment by FrontLine — Tue 22nd March 2022 @ 2:56 pm
In stark contrast to what one may expect, of a NZ child’s life.
I have come across something, that has revived memories.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/auckland/128157600/poisonous-legacies-the-bare-patch-of-waterfront-land-with-a-buried-past
So I lived at our army camps, wandering them unchecked.
I knew the golf course, at Linton army camp well.
Swimming in the pond for golf balls, selling them to golfers.
Fishing for eels, and catching crawlies in the creek.
But because it’s humans, hidden away was a treasure trove.
The army camp dump, was a common playground.
Sneaking around with a slug gun, shooting rats.
Finding trinkets, and small treasures thrown away.
Still today I have learnt, from that experience.
There was moments of joy, in finding a stamp or a coin.
Moments of shame, as the rat fled squealing injured.
Moments of fining a place to rest and think, in squalor.
It to leaked into the swamp below, a sheen of pollution obvious.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 27th March 2022 @ 8:58 am
Spellcheck has its good points, and bad.
It is finding, not fining.
My minds spellcheck sucks, as I missed the error.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 27th March 2022 @ 9:03 am
Tick tick goes the clock, it cannot be stopped.
A date quickly approaching, making something come true.
Somehow I knew from the beginning, what would happen.
I must be careful what I write, or worse making contradictions.
How then can things be true, but also not true.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 1st April 2022 @ 8:54 am
You can create limits to things, in three ways.
You can limit things with time, like a date.
Saying to yourself, that is the date you act.
If they haven’t called by this time, you will.
I will check the oven, when the adds come on.
You can limit things with numbers, like a goal.
Saying you will do something, maybe a hundred times.
Possibly always a whole number, if not it’s one thing.
10.25 kilos, is still one weight.
You would not want to do 99.5, Base jumps.
Stuck halfway, 100 jumps and 99 safe landings.
You can limit things with distance, like your Speedo.
When it gets to 80,000 kms, you will get it serviced.
If your very close, you may guess the day you reach it.
The closer the distance, the better the guess.
But with certainty, try then and ride two bicycles 100km.
And stop exactly, at 100km.
You could not have guessed the time, or the place they stop.
The bicycles, inevitably fractions different.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 12th April 2022 @ 8:42 pm
#32 is reference to me writing using the username, the man in absentia.
DJ Ward is the man in absentia.
That when they judge me, I am not present.
Even questioned, nobody has got the questions right.
Although that statement was written, when I started here seven years ago.
I knew then what my recent offence would be, and how they would act.
Obviously the finer details, where completely unknown to me.
But is why I made that statement, of what happens to me at this place in time.
It is also a recognition of two consciousness’s, the other I suspect is the Atman.
I don’t need to write separately, anymore.
That could be, a confession.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 14th April 2022 @ 5:53 pm
In retrospect, I can look back at what I have done.
In the long run, it is not me but humans that make the book.
But I know I am the first, to do something.
To try to explain the experience, called enlightenment.
Because in reality, it is a complete mystery.
Certainly for me, I had no idea what was happening.
But I am the first, to write it down.
I have done my best, to avoid religion.
Even religion, looked at like it’s science.
But it’s unavoidable, to understand what Jesus was.
The bible is an argument, trying to explain it.
Books within books, even chapters and sentences.
Hidden in the background, is my other arguments.
Ones I only notice being made, after they are made.
It is a great time of year.
Twice this week, I have seen a moonbow.
Soon it will be a season of rainbows, at the river.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 17th April 2022 @ 8:25 am
I like this article, for the subject and the research.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/opinion/128465407/extinction-is-the-rule-and-we-humans-are-no-exception
If you have something, then you can use it.
NZ is no threat in nuclear war, as we have none.
But today we have war makers, with them.
Humans have chosen, to use them already.
So the test, is the response to its use.
When it happens inevitably, according to the article.
But are other things, also inevitable.
You could argue, at some point no nuclear weapons will exist.
Worse is science leads, to easy bomb making.
By the citizen or factory, with millions of bombs.
Sadly science, is well past that point.
Then humans are tested, can they catch up with science.
Did it resolve WW1, with a truce that didn’t last.
Millions lost, with bombs and poison.
Dit it resolve WW2, with Russia also invading Poland.
Millions lost, with better bombs and industrial poison.
It is not war then, that is the problem.
The test is, conflict resolution.
Can even if nukes are used, limit what’s happens.
A global effort to end wars, winning.
……………
If you are even a small distance, from another star.
Is it very difficult to get any signal, to that star.
The signal so faint, they can’t see it in background noise.
Personally I see life having many starts, being common.
But even our life had a billion years, of only the simplest life.
At some point, a statistical miracle happened.
Life leaping ahead, until the next statistical miracle.
Very few planets, will have the billions of years needed.
And to exist then, when we exist is near impossible.
So intelligent life, within 100 light years is impossible.
Having existed at some time, the odds increase.
Within 1000 years intelligent life, could be extremely rare.
Having existed, may be likely.
Since any science started, we are but a blip in time.
The alien may have checked, over millions of years.
But seen nothing, intelligent at every check.
In a thousand years it may check, and still find nothing.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 1st May 2022 @ 10:36 am
My distance limit, has been delayed.
Strangely, it happened last time as well.
I must think positively, that the reason is good.
Accidentally I practice, the art of positive procrastination.
I have read to much, to think my cunning plan can work.
So actually my aim, must be for it not to work.
Then the task becomes, an easy task.
What then would be the purpose, and I worked it out.
It is not what you want or need, it’s what’s necessary.
Since I know what’s necessary, my plan can then work.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 25th May 2022 @ 5:01 pm
I think there is a difference, between men and women.
Especially in things like, the desire to hunt prey.
An argument against that, is girls raised to hunt.
More importantly, is self initiated going hunting.
And in my own life, a girl has done that.
While in my mind, I stereotype boys as wanting to hunt.
I did take her creek fishing and possum hunting, in the past.
So for my small part, I influenced the outcome.
So for our gender, our stereotypes and outcomes in behaviour.
Can we not make any child, to break stereotypes.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 30th June 2022 @ 6:12 pm
My writing for my plan, came to a stop.
Not that I’m finished, but to think things through.
For writing here, the outcome has been good.
To much of my thinking, was saying slow down.
If I’m correct, I’m only at halfway for my book.
……….
I was a very fit young man.
Even doing runs around Palmerston.
Back when biking was normal transport.
Surely my wheels and footsteps cover every street.
Nobody new where I went on my journeys.
Just me and my memories.
Few are left but one remains.
Sitting alone looking over the lake.
I couldn’t help but see her distress.
Tears and an attempt not to show it.
I live with the regret of not knowing what to do.
As I left the scene when I could have helped.
It seems such a meaningless thing.
Some may say I even made a good choice.
Yet somehow just by trying I may have helped.
Could I have just said hello.
Sat near her and just hoped she said hello.
Such a small mistake memorised like a sin.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 24th August 2022 @ 5:13 pm
I didn’t realise, I was standing in the same spot.
The first time, I was running away to find my mother.
At a lookout on a precipice, arms stretching.
The view identical, with treetops in fog.
The first time, I had no hope of success with no plan.
But what a start in fresh air, and imminent death.
Not for a second could I see, I made a day.
Event by event, would repeat themselves.
Sitting on a bench at the sea, and a stumbling pregnant lady.
A shrine at a dead end to the baby Jesus, passing then stoping.
Going the wrong way, down the same streets lost.
But years apart in the same shop, the placing and taking of a cup.
A lady stumbling on the path, and the finding of the same flower.
Urinating in the bushes, and three girls in a car who saw me.
Buying from the mapmaker, and refusing change.
The same day, just with a different ending.
One I drove away into the night, one I found my mother.
Armed with my flower and cup, and aided by the map.
All I wanted and all I asked for, was for someone to hug me.
All my effort of my day was worth it, as I finally met my mother.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 20th October 2022 @ 8:49 pm
My bipolar started at a young age, certainly from age three.
I have an early memory, of an episode of clinical depression.
The event taking place, when I am about seven or eight years old.
What a strange creature, the bumblebee.
Fluttering about, when they say it shouldn’t fly.
Somehow managing, going flower to flower.
Dare not touch it, even avoid it landing on you.
I had learnt the lesson, in the past.
At some point, trying to grab one.
Certainly there’s memory, of a painful event.
There in the hedge, in reach was the bumblebee.
I stood there, contemplating the bumblebee.
Was it worse, than what I was experiencing.
Was that pain more, than the pain I was already in.
What a choice, swapping one pain for another.
I couldn’t take my pain, and I dare not touch it.
All I could do was admire, as it flew about.
Free of my pain, ignorantly living its life.
I could not decide fate, innocent was the bumblebee.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 19th November 2022 @ 7:27 am
For some reason, maybe a million or more.
People have experienced, thinking they were Jesus.
So much so it’s real to them, and they expose themselves.
Claiming they are Jesus, and nearly always insane.
Not that psychology, has it in there book of conditions.
No Jesus test, searching for the real thing.
Imagine then, when it’s true for a person.
The moment in time, when they discover themselves.
You would assume, it’s a moment of joy.
But it cannot be that way, if it was real.
Imagine the weight, of expectations.
The billions of lost lives, the billions of prayers.
Only the false, think things end well for Jesus.
Has none of them read, what humans do to him.
An impossible list of tasks, and magical powers.
A book to write, with nothing but a title.
Defend the worst, and save the world.
Have the greatest gift, and keep on giving.
No the real Jesus, would first deny being Jesus.
Scared as hell, no expletive way am I Jesus the reply.
Imagine then being Jesus, maybe just a teenager.
Knowing all those things happen, and you can’t stop it.
As human as any other, as powerless as any other.
At some point in time like the false, he is exposed.
Can humans find him, among the millions.
Is it not true, they will know him when they see him.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 5th December 2022 @ 8:14 pm
The Prophet and the Policeman:
A New Zealand book written by John Cullen
The Story of Rua Kenana the Tuhoi Prophet
The incident in short arose from Kenana adopting the position of a Māori Jesus.
Very confrontational for the Christian society the country was at the time.
Comment by Evan Myers — Fri 9th December 2022 @ 7:17 am
I rarely pray for anything, as I’ve had many failures.
In some ways even with coming true, what was the bad thing.
If the universe magically gives, it must magically take away.
So I dare not prey for a miracle, or I tempt disaster.
So I found myself, in a predicament.
My partners real love, is her photography.
And she had got the job, with her best friends wedding.
The weather forecast of thunderstorms, could ruin her day.
I have known the bride, as long as my partner.
Watched her struggles in life, even her near death.
A broken relationship, and battles with mental health.
Always good to me, I couldn’t help myself.
So I made a little prayer, but for the bride.
Asking for a break in the weather, for the wedding.
And on the day, that’s what happened.
Rain stopping just before the wedding, and starting at the end.
It’s no miracle, as quite in a storm is normal.
No matter my prayer, really it was just lucky.
Like rolling a dice, you will guess the number.
Maybe real miracles, just happen on accident.
I was talking to my niece, on the subject of catching birds.
Watching for the fledgling, that you can run down.
Certainly catching a bird, is a rare thing in life.
I can can only count, a few times in my own life.
So off she goes, to tend to her injured horse.
A short walk, up to the barn.
I no time she had returned, eyes wide and smiling.
She had caught a sparrow, and couldn’t believe it.
Luckily the birds parents followed, waiting when let go.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 31st January 2023 @ 9:07 am
I experienced the strangest thing, love at first sight.
Many years ago now, but still a clear memory.
As it turned out, the first girl I had asked out.
She said yes, and we went to a movie.
Life can do that to you, surprise you.
I was miserable, my life wrecked.
And for a moment, she changed my world.
With the first look, there was no going back.
Sadly it didn’t last, but I have great memories.
The bad ones, as well as the good.
I can only say, we were meant to meet.
Decades have past, my regrets are gone.
Her drive for life, far greater than mine.
Her the extrovert, me the introvert.
They may attract, but they are definitely not the same.
Not even that moment, could save the relationship.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 12th February 2023 @ 2:41 pm
Can the impossible, be possible.
Certainly nobody can believe, that Jesus can actually return.
No human can write, the book of love.
Nobody can actually cause, a judgement day.
The problem is a moment in time must exist, or not exist.
Somehow someone, works out how to do it.
Humans watching, any suspect is doomed.
It would have to be a very cunning plan, to fool humans.
The book with a start, and an end.
It cannot be written, thousands have tried.
Preachers and false profits, all claim the word of god.
Yet no human can explain it, thousands of years prove it.
Certainly then, judgement day cannot be true.
What judgement, judgement of what.
What is this court, with judgement day proceedings.
Nonsense I say, no such thing exists.
So it’s impossible, and also not possible.
Yet Jesus made a book, and was judged.
Living secretly, until the start of his book.
And makes an ending, that terrifies the next Jesus.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 15th February 2023 @ 7:33 pm
They watch me, my many memories.
Flawed as they are, I cannot avoid them.
There’s a ten year old, hunched crying.
Watching me, judging me.
It isn’t real, it’s fantasy.
That somehow, I owe him anything.
Yet the ten year old, caused everything.
Men’s rights, were his problems.
Judging treatment of girls, and treatment of boys.
Judging things that have happened, and going to happen.
Shocked at the world, he was angry at the world.
The ten year old watches, he cannot be stopped.
No surprise then, the brain wiring itself up in childhood.
The arguments scared in by repetition, my fate made.
Then ten year old seeing what’s wrong, and I cannot unsee it.
The ten year old cry’s, waiting for the adults to act.
Heartbroken, I hear of young boys.
What they think of girls, and how girls see boys.
The ten year old, certainly was not blind.
Sadly for everyone, there is more like him.
Men are prey, and the boys see it.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 20th February 2023 @ 7:53 pm
I walked for hours, lost in the dark.
Trapped in a forest, going in circles.
I lost track of time, my memory’s few.
There was no time to stop, I had to get away.
They came to get me, to get me again.
The worst had happened, I had failed again.
Humans were coming for me, and I couldn’t get away.
So I did and I ran and ran, into the hills.
The mania to much, even just jumping fences escaping.
I couldn’t stop myself, I was as scared as ever.
I could not do, what they did to me again.
The panic absolute, I was making no decisions.
By the morning, I had fallen.
My body giving out, sleeping to the sun woke me.
It was to far and to late to go back, the deed was done.
My fate sealed I stoped, I must surrender to it.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 5th March 2023 @ 8:40 pm
My father woke me, it was early in the morning.
He spoke from the door, but I didn’t hear.
I just didn’t understand, what he was saying.
Either that, or I just blocked the moment out.
And he was gone, not to return.
What a New Year’s Day, one to forget.
Yet not for some time, did I even know.
Life around me, carried on as normal.
University was about to begin, life was good.
Had a part time job, and I was feeling well.
My illness was soon to get me, waiting for me.
Soon my mother would tell me, dad was gone.
In days I was broken, like a switch depression arrived.
I hid for the day, working as a sandblaster.
Helmet on and alone in the world, I even avoided smoko.
I cried the day, I cried the day away.
Soon my mother would follow, leaving home.
Both to new partners, and still together today.
They got the best thing, so that I got the worst.
Without there help, I never stood a chance.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 16th March 2023 @ 8:17 pm
I have had an argument, with my partner.
I knew it would happen, it’s bad timing.
I have said my relationships ruined, it’s now no better.
I do hope, for this to be over and finished.
Since I learnt, I am being prosecuted.
I have felt, under constant attack.
Everyone mocking me, thinking I’m crazy.
Not a single person, has any faith in me.
I am constantly told, to give up.
In two days time, I attack the crown.
So stuff it, here’s some crazy.
…………
He is ready Satan, you have prepared him well.
His desire to destroy, is absolute.
“Yes they will hate him, far more than they hated Jesus.
Your bible useless to stop him, humans know nothing.”
Fool did you not see, it wasn’t for humans to read.
Humans can’t tell, the left hand from the right hand.
The left hand can read, and knows therefore the right hand.
“Can you not feel his anger, you were there when he felt wrath.
It was you who made him suffer, and he knows it.”
I made him suffer, because he disobeyed me.
I commanded him to do things, and he refused.
Can you not see, he has learnt your lessons.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 20th March 2023 @ 6:11 pm
All of us have experience, with life.
They shape us, they make us who we are.
Our experience, can change our life.
Destiny was one path in life, but fate made another.
Why have I ended up, writing.
Was it my first teacher, who broke me with words.
Scolding me, just for asking a question.
Was it the teacher, who used shame as punishment.
Getting a girl to slap me in the face, in front of class.
Was it the teacher who stood over me, terrifying me.
A simple mistake, with terrible results.
Was it the teacher, who ranted and raved at me.
Until I cried, and a classmate made her stop.
Was it the teacher, who told me I would become nothing.
Giving me detention for not trying, yet I came first in class.
Was it the teacher, who I bet in a contest of minds.
Who at prize giving, told me I could be anything.
He saw in me, what I couldn’t see.
My social science teacher, would be shocked at my writing.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 27th March 2023 @ 7:50 pm
Tomorrow is Good Friday, for many just a holiday.
Not for me, I have memories.
Experiencing psychosis, I let myself be him.
Tried to be him, experiencing it as if it was real.
Experiencing the emotions, feeling his feelings.
Being him watching, watching humans watching him.
Crazy as that sounds, I didn’t enjoy Good Friday.
Give me your secret, the humans demand.
Such a travesty, as he tried his best.
They didn’t listen, he had the greatest gift.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 6th April 2023 @ 7:36 pm
New Zealand developed as a Christian society.
Christianity was our primary religion even though the country has never had a designated state religion.
In the process of manufacturing a civil society, secular society, call it what you like, this attempt at blending ideologies created, for various reasons a certain number of political refugees.
In that form of state which ultimately demands compliance those that are excluded for non compliance will choose some form of alternative lifestyle or in the extreme suicide.
Some will obviously relate to and examine the Christian foundation which was born in the same circumstances in Rome 2000 years ago.
Comment by Downunder — Fri 7th April 2023 @ 7:40 am
Religion I guess, is what we celebrate.
A Christian society, has Christian holidays.
Followers go further, with traditions.
That’s no different, to any other religion.
Fate made us Christian, with the culture of immigration.
The people that came to NZ, were very Christian.
Going to church, was a very normal thing.
Today Richard Dawkins, tells us religion is not real.
Religion is imaginary, the holidays and tradition fantasy.
Do the religious actually believe, god is a real thing.
Have we reached the peak, of not believing.
I can argue for Dawkins, and against him.
But the more of life I experience, the more I don’t agree.
The miracles may be nonsense, but the argument isn’t.
If God exists, religion was inevitable as an argument.
If Religion exists, isn’t God also then inevitable.
It’s real enough, to create holidays and traditions.
How can it not exist, if it didn’t you can’t then argue it exists.
It existing, made the argument of existing and not existing.
Not existing, means they argument would not have begun.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 7th April 2023 @ 8:27 pm
I am certain, the sun was setting and the moon was rising.
To be fulfilled, Jesus had to be destroyed and God did it.
Tick tick went the clock, it couldn’t be stopped.
His life was a mystery, returning in words.
I am certain, a moment in time exists.
The story hastily written, with twelve copies made.
Then they fled, into history saying there goodbyes.
In time all but a few copies remain, now in the bible.
Each of them with additions, by the apostles themselves.
Witness to arguments, remembering them and writing more.
Can we not see, the clock is still ticking.
Destroying things, is supposed to happen.
If that’s the test, could humans stop the clock.
No God say the humans, we are not letting you do that.
That’s funny to me, I’m having a giggle.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 7th April 2023 @ 10:06 pm
The Easter bunny’s name, is Scratchy.
It’s has escaped, and nobody can catch it.
It’s escaped a few times, it’s learnt not to get caught.
I look at its life, the beginning a small cage.
Ignored most of the time, even by the kids.
It even spent time, alone out in the sleep out.
So I was happy to hear, I was to buy a rabbit hutch.
So it would be outside, eating grass like a rabbit should.
Disappointed building it, it’s size made me cringe.
So rubbish in fact, the weather ate it away.
I moved it to new grass, as often as I remembered.
Once in a while, not much was left but dirt.
Scratchy soon got a chance, the hutch falling apart.
So for weeks now, it’s roamed free.
Part of me, is as happy as ever.
Tonight it played about, in the back yard.
It’s traveled to the cow shed, only to return home.
Not the dog and even the cats, bother Scratchy and freedom.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 12th April 2023 @ 5:53 pm
We cannot avoid, the subject of sex.
Imagine not having desire, not having lust.
Nobody ever trying, nobody initiating sex.
Sex would never happen, we would become extinct.
We celebrated at the pub, and I drank my share.
I never spoke to her, but I would catch her looking.
And I can’t deny, she caught me looking at her.
The night over I made my way, walking to my accommodation.
I could not be more surprised, at what happened next.
She walked beside me, and began talking like couples do.
Following without care, till we got to the house.
There was no questions, her following to my room.
I wish a could repeat all of it, every moment of it with her.
It being completely irrational, to just have sex with a stranger.
I don’t even know her name, or ever saw her again.
I couldn’t help it and not for a second, have I any regrets.
For a moment, I felt what love was like.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 16th April 2023 @ 8:02 pm
I was innocent, but there I was in a prison cell.
Locked up for theft, with my older brother.
My father took us in, to teach us a lesson.
My brother doing the stealing, from a shop.
Us playing with the items, got us caught.
I was only young, maybe only six.
The police officer, giving a stern lecture.
I was scared of the police, from then on.
Especially in my youth, into my adult years.
I listened to them, I watched them behave.
Examined them, with every detail.
Yet what now do I say, to the six year old.
They came to get me, but were nice to me.
Flawed as they are, they are good people.
While I have no bad thoughts, of the event.
No desire even, to say that my prison time was wrong.
It did change me, is was a real event.
Scared and crying, not understanding things.
Punishment was still to come, when we got home.
Six of the best, was delivered by our mother.
And we were made to apologise, to the store owner.
Haven’t been arrested, for stealing since.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 20th April 2023 @ 7:06 pm
Soon in just days, we celebrate life and death.
It comes for all of us, even the survivors are dead.
I should be a few times, just from my accidents dead.
I did not cheat in its lessons, if somehow I cheated death.
Soon in just days, it was men who died.
Rising from the trench, only to then fall down dead.
It’s in no way rational, to know you will die.
Yet they rose and fell, many slowly praying until death.
Humans did it, they are the masters of war and death.
The military marching, the hero causing the most death.
Countless people, never needed to die.
Yet they did in millions, countless soldiers died.
War is what not to do, it is the worst of human failure.
The least civilised of human things, to want to kill humans.
Over and over, civilisations have been wrecked.
The power of the pen, ignored for the power of the sword.
We should not forget, war can make pointless life or death.
What is gained, by hiding in the trench.
A little bit of land, a medal for the general.
Or did it change history, civilisation got better by the sacrifice.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 22nd April 2023 @ 4:40 pm
Hearing voices, is not something I normally experience.
Even when I was most ill, I didn’t hear voices speaking.
In all the months in total of psychosis, there was nothing.
All of my few experiences, have been very supernatural.
I know it was me, that created the voices words.
Somehow my subconscious, attached to my hearing.
Out of nowhere, I actually hear the voice speak.
So shocking to me, I have forgotten no words.
My first is at three, as my second memory.
Clear as day, the event has never gone away.
What does that even mean, it didn’t even exist as an idea.
Shocked and scared, nobody was there to say the words.
Not till I was sixteen, did it happen again.
My first command of what to do, was followed by denial.
I didn’t listen the voice not real, my denial absolute.
Why then and why in that moment, did the voice speak.
What follows, is punishment.
Each command, followed by denial.
The path made, my choosing another.
If I had only listened, from the beginning.
Tell them, so I shall tell them.
Look at teenage fathers, and I have looked.
They are talking about you, and I tried my best.
Hold on, and I am.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 24th April 2023 @ 12:28 pm
Tomorrow I’m in court, and anything could happen.
I reminisce the past, how much I have prepared.
A man I trust said, you won’t need anything written down.
You must know the subject, so one must become ready.
You cannot start, until your finished.
Once you know the truth, you have everything you need.
Once in my life, I have been asked the worst of questions.
Forced to by a doctor, like in an interrogation.
Do you think, that you are Jesus.
So I told the truth, and said no.
Strange as that sounds, he didn’t believe me.
I’m guilty of course, locked up insane.
I couldn’t explain, what was happening to me.
And saying anything, just made me look crazy.
Nobody will believe, I experienced revelations.
Felt rapture and wrath, felt helpless and despair.
And there I was, telling the truth to a nonsense question.
Part of me was outraged, that I wasn’t believed.
I have reached the point, of no return.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 3rd May 2023 @ 7:54 pm
I have had a good holiday, with the family.
We visited Christchurch, and did the tourist things.
I pad free, for both me and the kids.
Times together, that will be hard to forget.
Doing things together, some things we have never done.
Feeding eels and deer, giraffes and trout.
Walking in gardens, getting ice cream together watching a fountain.
Playing together at the arcade, with mini golf and bowling.
I even had a moment, or more an experience.
Scared of heights, the Gondola was no fun for me.
Even atop the mountain, vertigo was getting me.
With my son running around, with no care.
We drove to lyttelton, on it’s cliff edge road.
Watched ships docking, and walked about.
Driving randomly until we stopped, and had the restaurant lunch.
Went to a beach, and the kids got to play in a cave.
I needed it, an escape from the world.
Spending quality time, with the children.
Together with my partner, it was good for us.
It is a precious thing, having a family.
Its value far exceeds, the cost of the holiday.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 19th May 2023 @ 12:30 pm
If you can imagine, the distant future.
What would you see, if not life like ours.
The house amazing, but it’s still a house.
The children, no different needing parents.
We will still need chairs, and still need clothes.
Shoes remain, the screwdriver now immortal.
Horse and cart became the car, next they are flying.
What do we not see, what is normal that disappears.
The robot cook, and house cleaner.
The robot gardener, the grounds perfect.
Smart traffic, when you always get the green light.
Your personal AI, solving all your problems.
Can we see a world, where everything is perfect.
No longer using fossil fuel, no overfishing or deforestation.
No housing shortage, no starvation or jobless.
Even politics has stopped, all the laws are perfect.
Humans can’t change, as fast as the world changes.
The evolution of ideas, is far faster than biology.
Is technology on a path, we are like bystanders.
It must accommodate our flaws, it’s become perfect.
What did they see, just a few thousand years ago.
Are the subjects of conflict, as human as ever.
All the technology, has not changed the humans.
So then in a few more thousand years, little will change.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 18th June 2023 @ 12:00 pm
I used to go hunting, but don’t anymore.
It kept me fit, something now lacking.
I became indifferent, to killing things.
Yet I have not escaped, bad emotions.
Sure you get a good shot, the kill clean.
But sometimes you don’t, the animal injured.
Quickly you reload, to end the suffering.
But you do it, the suffering you caused.
They add up animal by animal, guilty moments.
A few that read like horror stories, made into memories.
A duck that wouldn’t die, with multiple efforts.
I sat with hands on head, as I waited for the end.
A screaming rabbit, or the possum with baby.
Someone must do it, pest animals must be controlled.
Now I see the animals, and wish them well.
No longer just a pest, I have made enough mistakes.
Yes cat lovers, if it was in the bush it died.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 10th July 2023 @ 9:38 pm
Every beginning has an end, and every end has a beginning.
Your life begins and ends, just as the day ends and then begins.
Do you not ask yourself when will this end, something happened.
Stuck in the waiting room or stopped in traffic, it does end.
So for me I began two things, that must come to an end.
Deals that were done, deals to keep me alive.
Episodes of depression and not coping the cause.
They couldn’t go on forever, they are not just trivial deals.
Strangely both deals, come to the same conclusion.
From innocent beginnings, the deals have changed.
The more I learnt, the more real the deals became.
Destroy the litigators, destroy the crown.
So time has past, I was only 13 for the first deal.
Proving god doesn’t exist, became revenge for Jesus.
Writing a report on my suicide, became revenge for all men.
Court is now only days away, it’s not the end but a beginning.
Maybe I can be 13 again, free again the deals completed.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 12th July 2023 @ 8:18 pm
They become god with time, humans and there deeds.
Is that not the crown, playing at being god.
So powerful, they can control your life.
Like a religious version, they are god on earth.
You just a citizen, amongst the billions.
Try hide then anywhere on earth, someone’s playing god.
The speeding ticket, the deciding if you see you kids.
The power delegated, the crown is everywhere.
Law by law, the religion has rules about your life.
From the murder of Jesus, to burning witches.
Now this court and that court, my has it not all the power.
The king is gone, a religion called the crown has replaced it.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 13th July 2023 @ 6:58 pm
Despite my efforts, I still make spelling errors.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 13th July 2023 @ 7:01 pm
A sad outcome to the day, a young man committed suicide.
In all the time I spent suicidal, I never thought like that.
No method or scenarios of suicide, involved others.
I never let myself, I never allowed that thinking.
It is just a statistic, his death just one of hundreds.
Even why he did it, will already be a percentage.
Murder suicide, is a real thing including workplaces.
I do fear we become the USA, suicide is sensationalised.
The argument is old, going back twenty years.
There is something wrong, with talking about suicide.
It’s still relevant, not to talk about how they suicided.
Today’s version is unavoidable, you can’t stop the conversation.
For the hundreds of others, there’s no conversation.
Today was a tragedy, but most days are a tragedy.
Somewhere in NZ, a male is ending there life.
They are thinking right now, how to end there life.
Suicide becomes rational, more rational than living.
I have been to that place, far to many times.
Can we discuss then, how not to suicide.
For me it was deals, my deals more important than me.
Today it’s my family, my children precious.
Yesterday I lost one, a stranger helping in my search.
The feeling is horrible, when they go missing at a park.
It’s was only for minutes, that felt like hours.
My deals saved my life, my children were the reward.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 20th July 2023 @ 9:02 pm
Today was a big day, it was in my life anyway.
A deal is done, I had my say in court.
I felt freedom in the end, walking away from court.
The courtroom door, has closed behind me.
And I am thankful, that I got a good judge.
I was allowed to say little, but I got the point across.
I have no problem with the result, I was found guilty.
I am to pay some reparations, which is a fair result.
A deal remains, the task not complete.
I should rest a while, and gather my thoughts.
Make an attempt, at quitting smoking will be a good thing.
Reward myself, I know what I did in court.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 21st July 2023 @ 6:51 pm
I lost my case, but that was no surprise.
I got myself ready, and could make arguments.
I did accuse them, of committing crimes against men.
If I were to win however, then I would be like a dictator.
In the beginning I said I would offend, that’s years ago.
But I did not write about winning, it wasn’t about winning.
The most important court case, involved the defendant losing.
Despite being right, if he won Jesus would become the dictator.
If the bible were to repeat itself, you still get a defendant.
They are correct in argument, but cannot be allowed to win.
It poses a great question, did Jesus think he would win.
It’s a story of failure not success, but look what failure became.
History is full of others, following the same path.
Millions have died, protesters still die today.
The battlefield is like the courtroom, the defendant knows they die.
But they are led by example, one defendant changed the world.
I am very lucky, that I got to play being the defendant.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 4th August 2023 @ 6:12 pm
My Aunty took me in, when I became homeless.
My memories, give me regular reminders of her.
As religious as a person gets, myself the complete opposite.
But I never said a thing, respectfully listening to her.
I saw her charity, her living life helping people.
Whatever she believed in, it was working.
My Aunty cared about me, in the worst of times.
When I first became ill, she sent literature to me.
Religious pictures, with sayings that were somehow perfect.
Out of nowhere, it was decades from living with her.
Somehow for such a small thing, it’s a regular memory.
Confronting as it gets, I was losing the argument.
My Aunty is in my thoughts, and they are good memories.
Magically she is there, in the bad times.
I no longer have need, for those physical things.
She can help me at any time, I can sit talking to her again.
I can remember the house, as if it was yesterday.
Her hoarding and cooking, her belief in god.
She is a reminder, there are good people everywhere.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 16th August 2023 @ 5:32 pm
I have a globe, detached from its stand.
So I can hold the planet, like a ball.
What an interesting place, NZ happens to be.
If you make NZ the centre, the worlds all ocean.
If you look from the opposite, the worlds all land.
So imagine the passing alien, taking a photo.
It could see a planet, that is all ocean.
Or see a planet, that is all land.
What a strange planet then, that we live on.
And us NZ, are at the end of the earth.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 19th August 2023 @ 1:31 pm
My poor car, is having problems.
I went to get the kids, a cylinder down.
Not a problem, if you have a spare car.
But for fate, my partners car is also broken down.
Needless to say, my problem bad and getting worse.
I strangely prey for my car, it’s so much of my life.
It will randomly turn off, making me pull over.
They journey long, I place my hand and say some words.
The fault gone it comes alive, and I reach my destination.
The problems growing, the car is coming to its end.
Yet out of nowhere, my friend arrived.
Stealing a part from my partners car, fixing my car.
In only minutes, it’s was the worst then solved.
I didn’t even think, they are different cars.
My friend slightly brilliant, a problem was gone.
My partner however, is slightly angry about taking from her car.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 7th September 2023 @ 6:33 pm
Humans have a flaw, they love to hate.
They even do it, thinking they are good.
There side is correct, but your side is wrong.
A recent day is September 11, as an example.
The terrorist loving God, attacks what it sees as Satan.
The US responds, Satan then destroys nations.
But just like the terrorist, it was in Gods name.
Did the US not then love to hate, thinking they are good.
So actually God, had nothing to do with it.
It was all humans fault, they love to hate.
With just a few men, came unleashing the beast.
Wrath came, millions became victims of war.
See Satan is the easy path, it’s easy to be like the US.
It’s a much harder path, to love your enemy.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 15th September 2023 @ 12:13 pm
Life can change quickly, and we don’t see it coming.
The gambler tries, placing maybe an educated bet.
But slowly despite winners, the house always wins.
The gambler guesses, and the money is gone.
There is no prediction, of the future.
Yet we try all the time, think of climate predictions.
How often has the worlds end, not arrived.
But slowly despite being wrong, the house always wins.
The gambler guesses, and life changes quickly.
There is many predictions, of the future.
But you can be certain, the science says it’s so.
You can be certain of the outcome, you can measure it.
But slowly despite being right, the house always wins.
The scientist guesses, and somehow they are always right.
There can be no predictions, of statistical miracles.
Today was good day, getting news I did not expect.
It’s only a simple thing, a friend saying she’s pregnant.
Yet in its own way, it’s one of those miracles.
You could not predict, what sperm would win.
Just as you couldn’t predict, the exact time the baby arrives.
It’s good news for her, a sibling for her toddler.
The odds still even, if it’s a boy or girl.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 2nd October 2023 @ 7:06 pm
I am troubled, and somehow feel guilty.
As a child, I learned of the Palestinian.
It’s hard not to, they are being colonised.
Bit by bit, Israel will steal there land.
I think of all the times, of opportunities for peace.
Boarders defined of what’s not stolen, with new free nations.
But we got nonsense, Israel refuses and always has.
The end seems near, for anything called Palestine.
I listened to a documentary, to an Israeli woman talking.
She placed no value, on the life of a Palestinian.
Even for the child and baby, even there deaths good.
The hate absolute, no Israeli atrocity was wrong to her.
Yet that’s what we got, I am appalled at events.
What the woman wanted, was an eye for an eye.
Our decades as nations, just let it happen over and over.
Even as a child I could see the outcome, but was powerless.
Watch the nations, they will all do nothing together.
It was them all along, letting it happen.
Even when it caused wars, they did nothing.
Hypocrites I say, the contradictions are absolute.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 13th October 2023 @ 10:57 pm
Are you not shocked, that you get lied to.
Think of the beheaded babies, now not apparently true.
You can’t defend killing babies, no matter the method.
Or presently, with a bombed hospital.
The bomb huge, it’s nonsense to then claim innocence.
A little rocket, somehow defied physics.
Yet that’s what we get told, as being true.
The say they are moral, warning the building.
Before bombing it, with its huge bombs.
The apartment building, has terrorists.
They are warned to leave, so that is a lie to then be a target.
All along then, they intended to destroy the building.
There is no military target, it’s not a military building.
Yet they fall and fall, the babies died by accident.
Don’t be shocked then, certainly you are used to it.
The US slaughtered, the Native American.
Australia was genocide, they simply hunted people.
Dresden or Tokyo, was just mass murder for no reason.
The nukes with a purpose, of killing civilians.
Cambodia or Rwanda, who cares about that.
See it’s all humans, the Israeli are just as guilty.
I don’t blame the Israeli, the world is corrupt.
For 75 years, the world has done nothing.
Many nations caused the catastrophe, then let it continue.
It made the decisions, never letting Palestine actually exist.
It let Gaza be a prison, the people with no human rights.
For decades they did nothing, the cowards in every nation.
Will the nations that made Israel, take the refugees they made.
Do not lie to me, I have seen Israel also shoot the child.
There is no justification, you can give me.
No matter the decision, no matter what the trigger is.
This cannot continue, this cannot go on.
Shall we just watch, wait till it’s finished.
Make new cowardly promises, of a free Palestine.
Until the next atrocity, and the next.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 19th October 2023 @ 10:03 pm
Things have come to an end, my car is finished.
It broke down on me, at some traffic lights.
I had no choice, but to start pushing.
A kind person, coming to my aid.
It’s original owner, has since passed away.
It drove for her, until she could no longer drive.
But she did some distance, before I got the car.
I am certain it made memories, special moments for her.
I fled in it running away from home, two journeys in time.
Slept in it and carried presents in it, taken the kids to school.
It has taken me to work, the distance sealed it’s fate.
If only the car could remember, the stories it would tell.
We had the most magical, of days together.
It even broke down, as I began my trip home.
It started but failed again, so I told the car there’s more to go.
Placed my hand on it, and made a prayer.
Years have past but it did it’s task, I only just made it home.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 26th October 2023 @ 6:12 pm
I have been criticised, because of how I write.
My writing sentences, with a comma in the middle.
I don’t know why, I just ended up doing it.
It’s a powerful thing, just a sentence.
It is an emotion, subject to an emotion.
The tree, is bending in the wind.
The tree is a simple emotion, easy to imagine.
The second part, creates a complex emotion.
It’s no longer just a tree, it’s bending in the wind.
Then many sentences, each group of them becoming an idea.
Just as this is four, each with four sentences.
The sentences become ideas, the ideas an overall argument.
So I am guilty, of writing strangely.
But I have no concern, if it’s thought silly.
I must admit endless possibilities, of complex emotions.
No matter my attempts, I can not write them all.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 28th October 2023 @ 7:54 pm
The world is full of hate, Satan would be pleased.
Now we have both sides, both filled with hate.
I have seen the Palestinian celebration, at killing.
But I have seen the same, by the Israeli.
The Palestinian child, is raised amongst hate.
Just as the Israeli child, is raised amongst hate.
Yet I am also wrong, many Israeli killed did not hate.
Yet I am also wrong, many Palestinian killed did not hate.
They were civilians, it’s society with its radicals.
The Jewish radicals, vs Islamic radicals.
Maybe nobody listens to god, it gave very simple rules.
Imagine humans so primitive, they only coped with ten rules.
Killing people is against the rules, so it can only be Satan’s work.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 18th November 2023 @ 6:50 pm
I have been struggling, with topics for arguments.
I could write things, but it’s like it’s already written.
Yet in reality, life is full of things to discuss.
At times I find life magical, meaningless things happen.
But even though meaningless, it’s impossible to explain.
I am in a battle, cigarettes have plagued my life.
So I have begun an attempt, to stop smoking.
Today I survived temptation, going to the store.
A first step in a long journey, but I am determined.
What an evil thing, the joy of smoking a cigarette.
I have had the strangest of days, a string of meaningless events.
My last cigarettes playing games, tricking me with flukes.
How ironic it begins, with one of my worst habits.
Throwing the cigarette to the floor, instead of my rubbish bin.
I have had it happen before, the cigarette landing standing.
That’s rare but that’s not it, I had just come to a conclusion.
A random argument, where I had come to a decision.
The cigarette landing like it did, was like a confirmation.
I took note of the event, reminded of my bad habit.
The next cigarette at least, would be in the bin.
So again I had an argument, again I had made a conclusion.
Throwing the next cigarette, aimed at a drink can in the bin.
The target the opening, the cigarette not touching the sides.
What the hell I thought, that’s just lucky.
The arguments getting better, I couldn’t do it again.
But it happened again, I had another argument.
Another conclusion, and another thrown cigarette.
Just as before, the cigarette disappeared into the can.
Three in a row, three arguments in a row.
Each event as meaningless as the other, but together.
What the hell are you telling me, I asked myself.
The subject changing, back to trying science.
Out came a statement, gravity does not exist.
That is obviously wrong, but it was obviously true to me.
It was not meaningless, with the clap of thunder.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 24th November 2023 @ 10:36 am
It is becoming clear, Israel wants the Palestinian gone.
I think we are just told one story, when they do the other.
There was a peace, yet they were attacking the West Bank.
They say they attack Hamas, but bomb apartment buildings.
Hamas killed some children, yet they are killing thousands.
I have seen again the Israeli, shooting a young child.
The burnt child and the maimed child, are harsh images.
This is no war with soldiers, it’s just homes to destroy.
Hamas was bad killing civilians, maybe 4 for every soldier.
Geez the Israeli are evil in comparison, are they even 50:1.
Israel had political capital, as a result of being attacked.
Personally I think that’s gone, Israel is becoming the offender.
The extremism in Israel, is quite capable of genocide.
Its history is one event after the other, as offenders and victims.
Man woman child animal and tree, they don’t care if nothings left.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 6th December 2023 @ 10:23 pm
I don’t know the story of Christmas, how it became something.
We are fortunate it’s our summer, and we take holidays from work.
The children are off school, and we see family or friends.
We made a reason to gather, share food and open presents.
It’s something that is human, no other creature does it.
Knows its position in its orbit, a fixed day in the calendar.
Takes children shopping, buying for the other parent.
It’s our best trait, we teach the importance of giving.
The Christmas story grows, its tradition evolves.
We have trees covered in ornaments, presents wrapped in paper.
Strange sticks of candy, and a mythical Santa.
I don’t care about how it started, humans made a good day.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 22nd December 2023 @ 9:24 am
What an interesting year, we have had.
Next year appears in only days, we can say goodbye to 2023.
But a lot has happened, who saw our leader quit in 2022.
What do we not see now, that 2024 will bring.
We can see, the US having an election.
From now to then, will be highly entertaining.
If Trump were to win, the left could lose their minds.
After last time, I can’t even trust the results.
Will this be the year of debt, when nations go bankrupt.
Interest on home loans, sending high debt investors broke.
Inflation killing economy’s, wages simply don’t keep up.
For some nations, this may be a year of austerity.
What of war for 2024, Oct 7th wasn’t in predictions.
How that ends is up to next year, and it can’t be good.
But that’s not the only war, others are happening.
It barely makes news, but millions are displaced.
2024 looks like a tough year, with many problems.
Maybe it’s better to think of good things, the next year brings.
You may not see it, but this may be the millennium year.
If Jesus was born in 6bc, he had enlightenment 2000 years ago.
If that was true, what is this year supposed to bring.
Maybe that is the point of celebrating, will it be this new year party.
We can’t predict the future, even if it looks really bad today.
It’s contempt for the bad things, that we have a happy new year.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 29th December 2023 @ 10:12 am
The day has arrived, a new year has begun.
For many it’s another day, some make resolutions.
Make promises to themselves, that are likely to fail.
For some it’s a decision to change, that comes true.
New Year’s Day is in my memory, as a bad day.
It’s the day my father left my mother, life radically changed.
He woke me early, saying something as he left.
Soon I would be alone in the world, my family gone.
Yesterday I learned of my brother, who is leaving NZ.
I myself may be moving, my partner also wanting a new job.
It will be a sad day, to leave the house I’m living in.
I have so many moments to remember, this feels like home.
So I make no resolution, for this year we have started.
My fate is in others hands, I can only wish them the best.
Change is happening, and this year could see lots of it.
Best to hold on, this may be a bumpy ride.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 1st January 2024 @ 7:56 am
I have had a needed break, but my holiday is over.
Time to reflect, trying to accept what I have done.
I have written things, and I can’t take it back.
I feel like a passenger, not even knowing the destination.
Even now my next words, they are a mystery to me.
There was no plan, no message to convey.
As if by accident, every sentence makes itself.
I’m as blind as the reader, to the ending.
So I must continue writing, even if I don’t know what’s next.
Tomorrow could be a mistake, but I can’t avoid it.
Yesterday I may regret, and it can’t be undone.
That’s the risk we all take, with living in the present.
The passenger is just the witness, driven to its fate.
Down unknown roads, but I know my journey has a purpose.
It may be the slowest of drives, but sentences will get made.
The driver is not listening, all I can do is write until the end.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 8th January 2024 @ 6:41 pm
Yesterday was an interesting day, there was good and bad.
It starts with a trip to a garden, and ends at one as well.
The extended family, all together for a day out.
For me it was a day, as if I had been to the place before.
If you’ve never been to Hamilton gardens, I highly recommend it.
What a wonderful place, the children enjoyed every part of it.
We started with a picnic, and a walk along the river.
The children couldn’t help it, going to the waters edge.
From garden to garden, each with its own surprise.
From a giant door, to the world’s most strange statue of a dog.
Very adult carvings, and yes gardens that are exceptional.
Whoever made it, has made a place that’s magical.
It’s the trip home, that ended badly.
My partners car, slowly but surely was making funny sounds.
Halfway home it came to an end, and we coasted into some parking.
A farmer with a small business, a sunflower park for tourists.
If that’s the bad for the good, the day was still worth it.
Time as a family together, sharing great experiences.
Making memories and living life, time out from daily life.
My memory is confusing me, but I will remember yesterday.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 13th January 2024 @ 8:41 am
I recently listened to Dawkins, he was very derogatory.
He was blunt about his beliefs, and attacked the opposition people.
I don’t like doing that, because of what it causes.
It goes from arguments, to defending a person.
I think it’s Elon who talked about speech, what must be protected.
The person you do not like, saying things that you do not like.
If you allow that to happen, you can have an argument.
If you prevent the speech, you prevent the argument.
So back to Dawkins, because I’ve got some arguments.
Evolution explains God in my mind, not proves the bibles wrong.
The bible was correct as possible, for two thousand years ago.
Evolution is ruthless, and in many parts of the bible so is God.
Then is not now, your knowledge now is not the knowledge then.
You live where all the children live, they had half of children die.
Does he say the good does not win, and that the bad will win.
Let’s say Dawkins is correct, there is no supernatural god.
The bible is just stories, much of which sanity says is nonsense.
That doesn’t end the argument, because the bible is full of them.
Little bits of philosophy, that own their own are true.
Science resorts to particles, but that doesn’t explain truths.
Why is there good and why is there bad, the universe cannot exist without it.
But the particles the same, with a positive and negative.
No matter what you think of, it is either good or bad.
Thanks to the bible, we get an attempt by humans to be good.
Times were rough, they carried swords for self defence.
They tried to explain God, as being everything and everywhere.
The particles in one place, but those truths are everywhere.
God is so exact, that you can never change six plus six.
I think the order is wrong, God doesn’t create the Universe.
God is the Universe, you can see it everywhere you look.
Hence when explaining truths, the same thing always gets the blame.
With the good you get the bad, hence Satan was just as inevitable.
It is humans playing God that’s the problem, God is innocent.
Think of the human mind, and its remarkable ability.
Since we started writing truths down, we could change the world.
God does not evolve, only our understanding is evolving.
It is how you use what we learnt, that is good or bad.
God is the rules, even humans can’t break them.
I don’t like parts of the bible, it think there is mistakes.
Some of it belongs in year 0, and has no place today.
But it is one of the best examples, of free speech.
It’s a story about free speech, and getting killed for it.
If only they argued his ideas, instead of attacking the person.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 18th January 2024 @ 8:01 pm
I like Sunday its a great idea, something I get to enjoy.
My partner is working presently, the cows must be milked.
It shows the days are human, nature has no weeks or days.
If you don’t pay attention, you can lose track of the day yourself.
Think of sleep, and how important it is.
For all the chemicals to be good, sleep is compulsory.
Is the day off a similar thing, it’s a healthy thing like recharging.
It’s very invention, was because it’s a natural need.
Sunday asks more about life, than just rest from a weeks work.
Somehow the author already knew, normal life is a working life.
If they did not make Sunday, would the worker not be a slave.
Just by making a day, we got some of our humanity back.
One day free like the original humans, you can do anything.
Think of all the inventions, men tinkering in there sheds.
Dad spending time with the kids, the day can be precious.
If by accident we get far more for the day, than what works worth.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 28th January 2024 @ 9:20 am
I have a missing day, and I’ve never talked about what happened.
Never to my partner, not even to psychologists.
It is embarrassing really, that in panic I had run away.
They had come to get me, I was unwell and very scared.
After being in hospital before, I couldn’t do it again.
So I ran from the house, into the night not to be seen.
I took the fences in my stride, and I never looked behind me.
There was no stopping me, into the hills I went.
In two mornings time, the cold gets me and I go to get help.
Hence the missing day, but I will never forget it.
It’s embarrassing really, to have a religious experience.
I have desire to apologise, I never wanted any part of things.
Yet the day is in the calendar, only I make the missing day.
I knew I had failed already, my chance was lost.
But I was absolutely certain, my experience is real.
The day was worth it, my doubt gone I was committed.
Luckily the third time I got ill, I just avoided prison again.
Otherwise I may not be writing, I may not have begun.
It is embarrassing really, some of the things I’ve written.
On the day I felt born again, I had finally accepted fate.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 14th February 2024 @ 5:38 pm
I listened to an argument, about intelligent design.
That is because things are so complex, only a God could make it.
Atoms and the periodic table, all the laws of nature.
Why does mathematics work, why is there special numbers.
No matter how hard humans try, none of those things can change.
What a fascinating argument, how do you prove that’s wrong.
That doesn’t prove it is correct, that’s why it is an argument.
Can we reconcile that argument, with the human condition.
We are far from perfect, often the more human the less perfect.
We all make mistakes, we all have bodies that fail on us.
If the earth was made perfect, humans sure are making changes.
Humans are the anomaly, we are all examples of imperfect design.
The closer you get to the beginning, the more correct the argument.
But in the present can you find God, there is no supernatural thing.
Humans have searched everywhere, centuries pass with nothing.
Yet that’s far from true, humans now have science about everything.
The more they look, the more evidence of things they can’t change.
Humans may play being God, but logic dictates Gods not changing.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 6th March 2024 @ 7:24 pm
It seems from comment no 1, things have changed.
That’s nearly three years ago, a long time to write each day.
That’s just before I offend, and do my act of protest.
My daily writing starting earlier, I’m near enough to 3 1/2 years.
I am certain of the ending, it will be like the beginning.
I will not know what to write, but I will write it anyway.
My writing actually a decade, I may never stop writing.
But for the time being, writing daily is ending soon.
I have a small win, I have beaten one of my addictions.
Smoking cigarettes has ended, I am finally winning a battle.
I have more addictions to go, I am far from a healthy person.
Writing has been stressful, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions.
In real life tomorrow a birthday, my son getting older to celebrate.
Time goes quickly, and they grow up really fast.
I need to give more time to them, to be a better father.
A hour here and an hour there, writing takes a lot of time.
Imagine if you knew the ending, the plot is predetermined.
That could be a scary thing, if the story has a bad ending.
But you would write the story anyway, to torment the writer.
Boethius would be an example, they write better under stress.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 15th March 2024 @ 11:13 pm
I am experiencing trouble writing, writer’s block I guess.
The current topics, are not that inspiring.
If there’s a thousand things to write, there is few left.
To be honest if I have a story, I don’t know if it’s written down.
My memory of events start a three, there’s a lot to diagnose.
An important event for me, was an encounter with religion.
I was about thirteen, and had not read the bible.
There was no religion at home, so my knowledge was limited.
I happened to go to a church, for something to do with school.
So along came an episode of depression, and I needed saving.
Being comfortable with the place, I went to the church on Sunday.
I sat among the people, listened to the sermon and songs.
Afterwards I was taken aside, joining a group for Sunday school.
Two slightly younger boys, and a male as the teacher.
We were given a book, and we read a short story.
It was about the disciples, and Jesus performing a miracle.
The teacher asked questions, and the boys could easily answer.
I was in shock, I was horrified at what was happening.
I know exactly what I was thinking, I can still remember.
“That’s complete nonsense, I can’t do that so neither can Jesus”
It’s not that I decided I was Jesus, it’s the story that’s not real.
By the time I got home, I was a very angry person.
Humans lied to me, they keep lying to me.
I am still the thirteen year old, I started a never ending argument.
Proving god doesn’t exist, dedicating life to the argument.
That’s obviously not my destination, but I can determine the cause.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 26th March 2024 @ 6:38 pm
The Christian waits for the return, but how does that work.
If you try and be logical, things start looking impossible.
For a start the bible, is a story of Jesus being mortal.
He had no superpowers, he could not save himself.
If you say you’re Jesus, you’re immediately ruled insane.
Inherently they have done nothing, there is no greatest gift.
Millions may think they are, but failure is automatic.
Then Jesus will be born, his odds are impossible.
He must do the opposite, he must do everything first.
He would read the bible, the endings judgement and crucifixion.
That would be a scary thing, knowing that happens to you.
Far from a public figure, he would be as secret as possible.
You can start to predict things, with equals and opposites.
You will know him when you see him, means the opposite but equal.
You will not see him but know him, has the same result.
Jesus was an extrovert, the next Jesus will be an introvert.
There will be an expectation, of performing miracles.
Despite no superpowers, supernatural things must happen.
Jesus would be the unwilling, he would become like a circus animal.
Eventually he would become trapped, there’s no escaping fate.
There is no words, to explain being Jesus.
No human can make a sentence, as some proof.
Have some conversation, that convinces people.
Nothing like that exists, millions have tried.
But you will know him when you see him, so what do you expect to see.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 31st March 2024 @ 10:15 am
I can think of something magical, that travels through time.
It is only a moment in time, when something profound happens.
It is a mythical thing, the experience of enlightenment.
Two people stand out in the argument, Buddha and Jesus.
To say you are enlightened, is always nonsense.
The pretender is clever, with great memory they can recite.
But both Buddha and Jesus, say they are impossible.
But both knowing how they were made, say they return.
If the universe had an anomaly, it would be enlightenment.
Logic dictates it’s the same thing, for Buddha and Jesus.
For a moment in time, the mind is made perfectly identical.
Out comes the perfect answer, to any question.
There is no witness to enlightenment, for either Jesus or Buddha.
Doing nothing at the time, tortured and deep in thought.
It would come from nowhere, but what a feeling.
To be the same as the universe, programmed with the same laws.
For that moment in time, Jesus and Buddha are the same person.
If you were asking the question, you would get the same answer.
The body and experience may be different, but the mind is identical.
They both told a story, of a statistical miracle travelling through time.
In will feel like only a matter of days, but time always runs out.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 2nd April 2024 @ 7:25 pm
My first two memories, is from when I’m three.
It’s a good explanation for my bipolar, why it started so early.
Playing with my brother, I had cut my leg on broken glass.
Not a small cut, enough for my mother to scream.
My father was home, so I got army trained first aid.
My first memory, is my father putting me in the car.
My mind has a snapshot of time, the look on his face.
It’s permanently on play, weeks or months apart.
The trip was from Linton to Palmerston at speed, no ambulance.
The story goes I lost the plot, so they had to hold me down.
I don’t blame anyone, they did what they had to do.
Medicine from the 70s, is not the medicine of today.
Next is my first religious experience, or first moment of insanity.
I have returned home, laid up in bed waiting for ice cream.
My mother and brother and uncle, were present in the room.
“You are not the same as them”, a voice clearly said.
I was shocked, I even looked around for the speaker.
What the hell did that mean, what the hell is happening.
It’s not to I’m sixteen, before anything like that happens again.
But like my memory of my father, it never goes away.
It’s like events in life, can permanently get wired in.
Trauma in childhood cannot be a good thing, but it continued.
For me it is like a chain of events, slowly cascading out of control.
I was warned in the beginning, but I could not believe it.
It’s seems a meaningless event, but it was very scary at the time.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 7th April 2024 @ 9:55 am
Today is as good as any, but for me it has meaning.
There always has to be, a last comment.
It’s one thing to do things to me, but another if it’s family.
So the system as it is, banned my brother from seeing his child.
What happened to him, was a reason to be still alive.
I couldn’t live with the guilt, of not protecting him.
I was well past saving, but there is thousands like my brother.
The idea of being judged at my end, did not look good at all.
I was told to look at teenage fathers, but in denial I didn’t do it.
My life may have suffering, but the punishment looks worse.
So it’s my brother’s birthday, that’s in my calendar.
………….
There’s an experience in my life, it’s happened half a dozen times.
I learnt a strategy early, of how to answer the worst of questions.
The scenario is actually identical, explaining one explains them all.
It’s starts with a conversation, and I am speaking freely.
So the subconscious is creating speech, and out comes a parable.
Normally I stop myself, and don’t do the second half.
But the person noticed, you can see there mind send out the alarm.
They pause to speak, then say “are you Jesus”
The question has always scared me, I can’t answer it by lying.
“Do I look like Jesus” I respond, and I leave the scene as fast as I can.
The first time I became ill, I ended up in front of a psychiatrist.
Due to my behaviour, I was asked a very similar question.
But this time I’m trapped, there is no running away.
I didn’t actually expect the question, there was no prepared answer.
“Do you think you are Jesus”, as his very first question.
I didn’t have an answer and I was silent, but my subconscious did.
Out came a response I didn’t expect, “No but I am the same as him”
That’s the same as saying yes, my subconscious wasn’t lying.
I was as surprised, as the psychiatrist.
Obviously nobody was going to believe that, hence I get locked up.
So when I begin writing, that’s an event that influences things.
If you don’t believe me, then have a read of this.
I didn’t know what to write, but I would write it anyway.
I guess I was commanded to write a book, this I one strange book.
My partner noticed I wasn’t well, and began reading my writing.
It was just before Christmas in 2020, so some interesting comments.
She didn’t like what she saw, and copied out twenty of them.
I was confronted again, “is what you’ve written true” she asked.
If I had said yes, then the story would have come to an end.
So this time I lied, but told the truth at the same time.
I told her it was fantasy, that was the best I could do.
For that I feel guilty, but I had no choice.
This is a very lonely experience, I can talk to nobody.
Even if asked the question now, a conversation proves nothing.
Those years of denial are real, I am my own harshest critic.
If I can’t prove things to myself, then my denial was correct.
It may look like fantasy, but this was very real for me.
I have a new answer to the question, I can tell the truth.
No I am not Jesus, my name is Darren.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 8th April 2024 @ 8:16 pm
I haven’t written in awhile, time off was necessary.
I have spent my time on my hobby, stamp collecting.
I get moments of joy, from something called boring.
I am investing in buying an asset, and hoping for rare finds.
I recently bought a collection, badly hinged on pages for $11.
I guessed its catalog value at $200, so I was already getting a bargain.
All that was needed was my time, restoring them to clean stamps.
Washed and backs cleaned, dried and pressed for days.
So the fun began, 120 stamps to process into my collection.
The third stamp was a big win, a $3 stamp was a rare version.
It’s my 4th best find at cat $400, I even tripled checked its identity.
Plus a very rare postmark stamp, with rated 7 stamps only 30 exist.
It’s like a stamp rescue service, and on occasion it pays off.
But life is full of surprises, with little statistical miracles.
Each stamp is unique, the worthless stamp can be priceless.
There is literally millions of stamps, but it is only one stamp.
I recently bought some stamps, about 200 with postmarks.
I made a little profit, but one stamp was a little shocking.
A place called Ward my name, and posted on the day of my birth.
The odds are millions to one, of finding that postmark and date.
I will put it in a frame, it’s only worth $1 but not to me.
I showed my daughter, the stamp is of the baby Jesus.
“Maybe dad was once Jesus”, she told her mother.
Let’s just say she took it well, geez is all I can say.
Comment by DJ Ward — Sun 19th May 2024 @ 5:52 pm
I have been thinking about evolution, of humans.
It has a beginning as a species, becoming 23 chromosomes.
It has an ending to the story, in the races of humans today.
If you look at the result, can you postulate about the past.
We are far from identical, races can look very different.
Think of life in the past, you probably never go anywhere.
For your genetics to travel, it only goes to your neighbours home.
For any of your genetics to go 1000km, it’s 1000s of years in time.
Hence everywhere you look, you have races of humans.
10,000 years complete separation, is a long time for evolution.
Every isolated area of land, evolves in isolation hence differently.
The closer and less isolated the races, the more they are the same.
Think of the Neanderthal, it is described as a species.
But really it was just a race of humans, one of many in history.
As whatever modern humans were, spread across the earth.
They killed and bread out races, but it was not just Europe.
What races were in Africa, what races were in China or India.
How we look may not be human, but from older local species.
There is no reference human, that we say has no race.
We may be all related to one race, that was maybe 70,000 years ago.
They spread over earth, breeding with and killing off other races.
Was it a complete genocide, only that race survived on earth.
Think of the difference in humans, is that what 70,000 years does.
What we all look like, coming from a common starting point.
Those old species of human, not influencing how we look.
There may never be a time, of being different species.
From the very beginning, we were only ever races of humans.
Many may be extinct now, but not actually in the percentages.
Neanderthal may be in 1% of dna, but what of the other 99%.
Was there 99 other races, over our 5 million year history.
You can come to a conclusion, by looking at our races.
They may not be only recent, they must also be very old.
How many times were we many races, then catastrophic events.
One race survives, colonising making the weaker races extinct.
To not be racist, is to pretend race does not exist.
What happens when there’s very few, nobody is full blooded.
You would want to be racist, to try to preserve a race.
If you don’t they get bred to a %, absorbed by other races.
If you think about it, today is like a great reset.
The races are interbreeding, slowly generations will mix together.
One by one the races will go extinct, thousands of years will pass.
All the races will be absorbed, with only one race left.
You could not make predictions, what will the race look like.
Only then would racism end, if you could not label someone.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 16th August 2024 @ 9:24 pm
As an argument about opposites, God and Satan are equal.
They in our human world, do battle over our soul I guess.
But what if you live in a world, a world looking like Satans winning.
Because right now things I see, look pretty evil to me.
What if Gods making the test so hard, can even the pope pass.
Even the tiny bad idea is recorded, on replay can you judge yourself.
Everyone try’s to explain God, you must also explain Satan.
Why is a funeral packed, why is there a death row prisoner.
Words are just emotions, your mind is filled with them.
As you speak words just pop out, one emotion after another.
Is God a positive thing, with Satan being a negative thing.
One helps you rise up, and one helps you fall down.
Try as you like then, you don’t need religion.
Trying to be good is like being God, trying to be bad is like being Satan.
Try then and not see good and bad, I am certain you are taught them.
Religious or political laws, moral laws and culture laws.
That’s the problem with God, humans deciding what it is.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 25th September 2024 @ 6:01 pm
Poetry has many forms, this is one schools teach.
I wrote this when I was younger, so the topics not age correct.
But it sounds pretty good now, there is many lost memories.
Broken down and old.
My spare parts can’t be sold.
Things are getting cold.
And death is taking hold.
Time is but a fold.
In a life that’s not so bold.
Of its story that’s never told.
Good memories growing mould.
………
I must have been looking at life, as I wrote arguments on the page.
I am guessing depression as a state of mind, when writing them.
One says more than it reads, you can say lots in few words.
Life is just a moment.
Long enough to realise your mistakes.
But to short to do anything about them.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 4th October 2024 @ 9:46 am
What a strange thing to remember, I am having flashbacks in time.
Memories completely hidden away, then just appearing in my mind.
Childhood memories and adult ones, coming out randomly.
Some may be common visitors, but some are rare if ever.
I remember getting money for bottles, glass was recycled.
It was only like 5 cents a bottle, but you could buy a lolly for one.
I don’t know who the villain was, this certainly wasn’t my idea.
We snuck into the army camp, and raided a stash behind the bar.
I remember handing the bottles over to the shopkeeper, deal done.
A moment of guilt, only the child and already the sinner.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 28th October 2024 @ 8:26 am
There is only one, even if humans have thousands of gods.
They all describe the same thing, no matter the differences.
Some universal power, that exists everywhere.
Whatever that power is, it can only have one set of rules.
If religion was allowed to evolve, the answer would be the same.
They would come to the same god, with the same definition.
That may take millennia, and science will force it to happen.
It’s strange I’m not religious, it’s tormented me all my life.
While I don’t believe in miracles, I have my own experience.
The flood and parting the sea, I have nothing like that.
I have no biblical story to tell, with proof of god existing.
Just like any miracle, it would be just a story you can’t believe.
My moments of doubt are poisoned, by moments of certainty.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 4th November 2024 @ 6:20 pm
Part of me feels free, the rest of me feels like a prisoner.
Trapped in life I comply, I nearly count the days to my holidays.
Even the days of the week, are counted down to the weekend.
I am certainly free to change my life, duty to family my limit.
Part of me has said everything, the rest of me holds back.
Trapped in life I say little, I live a life of censorship.
Even the days of work, my workmates get a version of me.
I am certainly free to speak, duty to the truth my limit.
Part of me can continue, the rest of me has had more than enough.
Trapped in life I wait for tomorrow, I live just another day closer.
Even the days will end, my life will be measured.
I am certainly not free, duty to my own words I may fail.
The part that holds back, is the politically incorrect stuff.
Comment by DJ Ward — Mon 11th November 2024 @ 9:07 pm
I rarely prey, the results are unpredictable.
Yet the other day, I accidentally prayed for my car.
I was just resting watching TV, then out came a prayer.
There was no plan to do it, it just happened.
My car was in a garage for a WOF, it was well overdue.
I thought the car was OK, going to pass without problem.
I arranged my lift with school, drop off at nine and pick up at three.
Just waiting at home not worried, there was no reason to prey.
As soon as I realised my act, the phone began to ring.
It was the garage with a problem, the car had failed needing work.
I accepted the extra cost, things still being OK for three.
It could only get worse, another call with pickup going to five.
It may seem a little change, but getting a lift was now a problem.
My partner found a solution, her sister will drop me off at five.
So I waited patiently for 4:40, hopefully she would be on time.
The garage rings again, the doors close at five no later.
I was about the ring the garage, my ride had not arrived on time.
Then with no time left, my lift was coming down the road.
Do I just wait for Monday for my car, I would miss a days work.
Yet I hopped in and told the driver, there’s no time to spare.
She drove to the speed limit, and she followed some slow cars.
In its own strange way, my most frustrating trip going to Huntly.
My phone was counting down, it could be a wasted trip.
4:57 is not an important time, but my prayer was answered.
See why you only prey when you mean it, what else happens.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 11th December 2024 @ 8:44 pm
My spelling still sucks, I barely passed school exams.
The previous comment, prey is not the correct word.
It sounds right but it’s wrong, my mind didn’t notice.
Maybe the emotion is similar, both is wanting something.
Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 12th December 2024 @ 8:10 pm
I have written some things, but say nothing in real life.
There’s a few days at home, when I was very ill.
Then a few short conversations, with a psychiatrist.
But other than that, I have been absolutely silent.
I have never confided with a friend, or spoken to my partner.
Even a year with counselling, I never actually said anything.
Countless interviews with psychiatrists, not a word spoken.
Even the moments saying things, I said none of my secrets.
I imagine the day when I’m trapped, and made to speak.
I hide because i have always been scared, my truth is scary.
I am so lucky I’m in NZ, free to write what I like here.
But I have yet to decide, what the hell do I say when cornered.
I wait patiently then, for something I have never wanted.
Comment by DJ Ward — Wed 22nd January 2025 @ 6:55 pm
I watched a girl, and it near brought a tear to my eye.
Even now just the memory, can take me to the same place.
She was given a gift for her birthday, a new pair of glasses.
Not any pair though, an expensive but magic pair.
The girl put the glasses on, and she didn’t really react at all.
Then her mother spoke a sentence, the glasses her interpreter.
Projecting words for her to see, she was a little shocked at first.
Her mother spoke again, you could see her wait for the words.
You could see a moment of glee, and she could not help but speak.
Out came a list of thank you, and the interpreter responded.
A look of shock followed, she paused and tried to speak again.
The deaf don’t know pronunciation, she was correcting herself.
Satan is everywhere, but I saw a moment of joy.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 18th February 2025 @ 5:14 pm
There is a book that can’t be written, not by humans apparently.
If it was possible, humans will have written it 1,000 times.
It’s called The Book of Love, but nobody knows its contents.
There is no predictions, otherwise they would write it.
It’s a contradiction, it will be written but cannot be written.
Even if you wrote it, could anyone believe what book it is.
The Book of Love is one thing, then there is the Greatest Gift.
Humans have tried for 2,000 years, and still have no idea.
If they knew what it was, someone would work it out or make it.
What a task for the Helper, preforming two miracles.
It keeps getting worse for him, whatever giving is keeps on going.
He better pray then for a good story, worse if the bibles a repeat.
Jesus knew how he was made, he knew he could be made again.
It will be soon apparently, then all of a sudden a copy appears.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 11th March 2025 @ 5:49 pm
Today is like a special day, an anniversary to remember.
I am trying to be positive, it’s so easy to want to destroy.
So I have gone to my old tattered book, and turned a few pages.
It’s a very good snapshot, showing I was an atheist at the time.
To seek to explain was my title, but the first sentence is correct.
Mans internal battle.
To seek to explain.
Science in its essence.
Theorise the answer.
Set in stone.
Chisel out from inset minds.
When another answers found.
Mans internal battle.
The true answer can’t be found.
Where upon we come from.
Gorillas in our midst.
Mans killed his own creation.
God does not exist.
And the answer won’t be found.
To mans internal battle.
I have always seen evolution as true, but the writing is wrong.
If evolution from nothing is true, it’s still not proof of no God.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 8th April 2025 @ 5:09 pm
I have interesting memories, defining my beliefs about Jesus.
From the very beginning, I couldn’t believe in his miracles.
When in hospital as a child, we all did a version of Sunday school.
My first encounter with Jesus, what the hell are they talking about.
On one hand things are nonsense, yet I’m certain Jesus existed.
That he was a special person, and on a day was crucified for blasphemy.
Coming back to life’s a miracle, so it’s not something that happens.
When unwell experiencing revelations, there was only the crucifixion.
We celebrate him today, because he really did die for our sins.
What a tragedy humans are so evil, they could kill such a person.
Decades of teaching was lost, all for greed and power.
He could have taught us about love, it’s almost a world without it.
Maybe that’s why they hated him, love and hate is the same emotion.
Could you imagine the wrongs he saw, have humans even improved.
Maybe that’s why Jesus is special, it’s what humans hate the most.
They may say they love him, until he starts telling the truth.
Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 18th April 2025 @ 5:39 pm
God and Satan are the same thing, an equal and opposite emotion.
It be all mass and energy, it be all distance and time.
One is right and one is left, one is plus and one is minus.
Everywhere you look, God and Satan are present.
We cannot have escaped, the idea of God and Satan is inevitable.
Now we have religious beliefs, as if God has commanded us.
An endless list of profits, all saying something we must believe.
Can you seperate what is human, and what is the word of God.
I think the argument is simple, is the argument a compliant one.
Can you say for the argument, like a law it’s the truth.
If you are arguing about it, it’s probably not the word of God.
Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 6th May 2025 @ 5:06 pm