I spent an unusual day yesterday with a friend having access to his little girl. His little girl has been in CYFS cusotdy for about 4 years. At the last Family Group Conference it was decided the care givers would become the custodians of this child and her sister. This was granted through the FC very recently.
Some of the day was spent talking over coffee with the caregivers. And their view is that now both the girls are out of CYFS control shared parenting can occur. They are eager to allow Dad unlimited access and even take the sister away for holidays (as he had been the father figure prior). This is something he could not do while CYFS was involved.
They are not even denying him full-time caregiving himself once he sets himself up. In fact, they will help another family in need. For them thier income has dropped $100 weekly and they will not receive clothing grants as they previously had from CYFS. But don’t get me wrong; they care deeply for these girls and would insist on a good upbringing. They, like many caregivers are now a part of this family.
I have met other caregivers who would like to give parents more access and they are aware they are caring for someone else’s child.
Caregivers do not have the same pressure as CYFS to control situations. They do not lose their jobs, they do not become front page news and you are not under a microscope with them. So what if you are 5 minutes late, you don’t really consider that emotional abuse and neither do caregivers. Caregivers are parents themselves in most cases.
However, the downfall is that they have custody and that brings forth trust issues.
Anyhow, just a thought for those of you in this situation.
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