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Female Violence

Filed under: Domestic Violence — dpex @ 10:18 pm Tue 22nd August 2006

I have to begin by saying I’m not exactly proud of having to admit to having been a victim of domestic violence; seeing as how I’m a big boy (6-1 in my sox, strong, and with several martial arts to my credit).

Meet Yula (pronounced Yura). 40. A Korean beauty. In NZ with 3 kids looking for a way to stay. I end up being the ‘very’willing dupe.

I discovered, albeit some eighteen months later and several half-hearted considerations of suicide, that this ‘beauty’ was actually what is known as a socialised psychopath; ergo, a Hannibal Lecter with self-preservation instincts denying her the ability to simply squash out the life of any who disobeyed.

Yura set the hook in my lamentably niaive mouth, tugged gently for three long and unbelievable months, then hauled back hard when it wass clear the hook had gone down well past my throat.

For the following fifteen months I was subjected to almost constant emotional violence of a level and type I found so incomprehensible that I was rendered incapable of breaking the spell. This was interspersed with rounds of physical and sexual violence.

One night, I stood with my butt against the kitchen bench, hands by my sides, as this ‘creature’ went at me with her claws, ripping skin an flesh off my face and chest.

Why? Simple. She had finally decided that my grand-daughter was ‘competition’ for my affections. At the time GD was coming up ten.

Apparently, my ‘crime’ which sparked this bizarre rage was me electing to spend the day with GD and half her school, when they were earning a few bucks for her school as extras on a movie set. Yula had a slight cold and I ‘should’ have been attending to her, not that “snot-nosed little bitch of a kid”, as she described her. She wanted GDs address whereupon she could visit and quickly despatch this child to a better place…better for Yula at least.

This attack went on for nearly fifteen minutes. I didn’t raise a hand in defence, despite the fact I could quite easily have reached out with one hand and snapped her neck.

Inevtiably I called the Police. Turns out they were far too busy dealing with a whole bunch of domestic violence problems to attend on me.

By and by, her rage flickered out. I invited her to leave. She burst into crocodile tears of remorse.

I’ve had quite a sheltered life, devoid of such eople as Yula, so tears to me are a source of concern. I go into Ivanhoe mode.

Twenty minutes later, the sobbing had stopped and a subtle question regarding GD’s address was repeated as a kind’ve question. I refused to divulge, the monster returned.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, she finally left and disappeared for three days…for me, three days of hell.

You see I was so in love with this woman that nothing could colour my stupidity. I was a slave in all senses of the word.

The sexual violence had its genesis in her self-proclaimed sexual affair with her father. I gather she gave him a great deal of oral sex and was proud of it. Albiet she started at age ten.

And so, I would arrive home (I work fairly long hours on occasion) at around nine/ten. All I wanted was a drink and a quick meal then sleep. But she would turn up and without so much as a hello, would kneel before me, ferrit out my utterly (can’t be bothered, oh for Christ’s sakes’ give it away, flaccid penis) and start sucking.

If I failed to erect then I got the speech about not being a real man. If I did erect then she took great pleasure in leaving me in that state, with the advice that I could always sort it out for myself later.

I caught her, several times, doing this to her own eight year-old son. She told me it was Korean custom. She even wrote me an email attesting tht ‘fact’.

I told her that I would report her if she didn’t stop. That got me another skin-stripping episode.

A few months later the boy was observed requesting girls at his school to ‘suck my dick’. The school called CYF. Yula threw me under the bus asserting it was all my fault. CYF agreed because I’m a male and females don’t do that shit, eh?

But the physical and sexual violence (only very lightly touched upon above) was naught in comparison to the emotional violence I sustained at the hands of this utterly cruel woman.

I can’t possibly relate it here and make any sense in just a few lines, save to say that of all the trials I have been through in this life, nothing has ever been as bad.

But I couldn’t simply leave. I was infatuated to a level which denied my considerable sense of reason.

An observer would ask, ‘Why don’t you just leave? Tell the bitch to fuck off’.

Easy for an observer. Almost impossible for a man suffering from micro Stockholme Syndrome.

In the space of eighteen months, this poisonous creature ruined my business, damned near ruined me, and left for Korea saying, ‘I don’t like this country anyway.’ and a stain on my integrity which still resides of the CYF computer.

None of my friends or associates had seen anything other than the stunningly beautiful (albeit acted) side of Yula. All looke at me, when I tried to explain what was going on, like I’d lost the plot.

I eneded up writing the first half of a book about this journey. Forty thousand words, and still I hadn’t really scratched the surface of the damage this woman had done to me and her own children.

I gave a CD copy to CYF. Were they interested? Nar! Just the words of a deranged man with ‘child-molester’ written all over him.

I handed this CD to one Wendy Hardinge (CYF Waitakere) alnong with a copy of the email in which Yula admits that ‘touching’ her son is Korean custom.

I then went on to assert that as the ‘investigation’ of my part in this had turned into a neutral, that the record of it should be expunged from the computer.

This sick bitch, now in unwitting alliance with the sick bitch who had caused it all said, ‘Oh no. We can’t do that. Your record will be on our system forever. You see, Mr (David), she said in a lowered and conspiritorial voice, head nodding in agreement with her own perceptions….’We may not catch ‘them’ the first time. Maybe not even the second. But we always get ‘them’ on the third ‘information.’

Ergo, sick Wendy didn’t want to see sick Yula. She just wanted to ‘get’ another vile male. And she is one of the women, along with tubby Lizzie, vapid Sandra, and snake-eyes Bowden, who are paid to protect children.

Oh they did a fine job protecting the little boy from his mother!

But hey, the mother was a woman. Thus beyond reproach. Me? I’m just a man. Beyond consideration.

And that’s it, isn’t it? We men are beyond consideration because the women have all the seats in the front row of the victim’s hall.



  1. Thanks for that David.
    I’m sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. I can attest to there being some really abusive women there. Women who will stoop to using thier sexuality and emotionality to wreck men who don’t give them what they want.
    I know from personal experience that is can be hard to share such information publically. But exhibitting courage and doing so opens up the way for others to follow.
    That’s commendable IMO.

    Comment by Stephen — Wed 23rd August 2006 @ 6:38 am

  2. Thanks for sharing your story Dave,
    I too fell hopelessly in love with an Asian demon, this time from Vietnam.
    Since she left me for another man 3 yeras and one week after we met, claiming my home, I have concentrated fully on restoring my relationship with my only son. I was his primary caregiver, yet she was able to make three false statements to the police and 30 months later still no custody hearing.
    she has sordid past, which includes marrying a peadophile to get citizenship, immigration fruad, benifit fraud, and many lesser crimes of dishonesty. But it is physical and mental abuse she inflicted on her daughter and I that is the hardest to let go.
    I haven’t mentioned any of the abuse against myself in the Family Court case, becuase they probably wouldn’t believe me.
    She was a sexual deviant who uses her body as a weapon, and I understand that in her homeland she was a prostitute.
    She loved inflicting pain, and to echo your comment, she often bit or bent my penis, cuases serious pain. She pushed soap into my penis and I writhed around for over an hour in pain not knowing what to to do. She thought it was funny.
    She often told me about flirting episodes with other men, and that she could have any man she wanted.
    She wouldn’t sleep with me until I put an engagement ring on her finger, but refused form that day on to ever discuss mariage plans.
    She threatened to leave me just weeks after moving in, unless I made a Will leaving her everything and $30,000 to her mother in Vietnam.
    She suggested I marry her mother so she can come to NZ, then afetr our son was born, she suggested we live separately with one child each so we can both go on the DPB.
    She often used physical and mental abuse on her daughter, and the result is messed up teen three years behind in every subject, but the Family Court doesn’t care about that.
    At all cost, our son must stay with this dishonest evil woman, who has defruad countless thousands out of our society.
    You are not alone.
    The only thing that keeps me going is remebering that I did my best, was a good father,step father and partner, and although I have lost everything including my home, I get to see my son.

    Comment by Wayne — Wed 23rd August 2006 @ 8:31 am

  3. I am absolutely gobsmacked at your stories, gentlemen. I have always realised that en are victims, as are boys, but my sheltered expereince has always been limited to false allegations of sexual abuse (which in my case, her Honour opened her verdict by declaring in the very first sentence “I find no evidence of …”, and which my ex swore on oath “well, I don’t know – he may have”).

    I have never been subject to sexual violence, and I have never hit anyone, nor sexually abused anyone. I have two girls (12 and 15) currently in my care every weekend; yet am not allowed to see my own daughter unsupervised. My ex has provably committed perjury on several counts, even admitting the evidence which proves one such count.

    At best, all of the above makes my ‘conviction’ in the FC extremely unsound, at best.

    To both you Dpex, and Wayne, and to ALL MEN EVERYWHERE who may read this: Do not tolerate sexual abuse in any form. Do not believe it will one day get better. Do not accept blame or guilt. If you ever hear of any boy (or girl) being sexually abused, go straight to the police. Do not listen to excuses, or apologies.

    In short, respond in exactly the same way women are taught to respond. Your personal safety and happiness are more important.

    Kind regards to all.

    Comment by Al D Rado — Wed 23rd August 2006 @ 8:59 am

  4. I fully understand where you are coming from, love or infatuation often clouds completely one’s judgement of another person. I guess alot of asian women come here to escape whatever wrong they have done at “home.” That is terrible about CYF, even after you provided evidence of the mother’s admission to her heinous crime. I guess the morale here is the first time somebody does something to you, or you see something evil that they are doing report it…without remorse, because leopards never change their spots. Sometimes our judeo-christian morales get in the way of the terrible fact of life that people are always out there to harm others if they can get away with it…and systems of governance often never help the innocent and most vulnerable people. I am sick to death of people thinking everybody is a pedophile or child abuser simply for being a man or being a white man, or a unmarried man and therefore and so forth. In my experience most of my friends who have suffered the abuse of a pedophile have admitted it was from a woman! In the early childhood years alot of abuse is by women because they are the ones with most exposure to vulnerable children. Equal rights should mean equal responsibility by both genders. I have a son and all mothers should think of their sons when they criticize men…..correct! When he reaches maturity I just hope he doesn’t meet a she devil as so many of you unfortunatly have.

    Comment by Heidi Poudel — Wed 23rd August 2006 @ 10:15 am

  5. David,

    I think it is great that you share your story and I hope you have an extra spring in your step.

    I just want it noted (because I knew all this) that I wasn’t challenging you because I thought you wanted to sleep with your GD but because I know how a mother feels when someone else takes custody (now day-to-day care) of their child.

    I think it is important for males to read stories of Asian women because if only western women are bad then most men will get a hell of a shock. It is not unusual for Asian women to send money back to their families overseas and their husbands/men are the way to get this money.

    I think that it is great that Asian women know how to manipulate men by giving great head jobs and cooking and if you get a really good one she will be supportive always (or shall she) Many walk out when your money runs out.

    Western women may have this equality attitude but this equality is more about being best friends than about living roles.

    But then both have extremes good and bad.

    As for sexual abuse I am in the dark. I am angry for physical abuse my sons received while in care with CYFS.

    Comment by julie — Wed 23rd August 2006 @ 10:25 am

  6. MATE;I have had similar shit with a russian women I am besotted with also;currently.The amount of abuse I have had is insignificant compared to yours but I belittle my self esteem by taking it happily/unhappily.I am not desparate and reasonably un ugly.She also is a sexual athlete.While I do not condone violence ;these types of women need a lead slug between their eyes.In days gone by ;when natural justice prevailed ;as probably does in russia;they would have the living daylights administered ;see the errors of their ways;and accept the therapy and resume to happy family life ;realising their behaviour is unacceptable.I am a modern;sesitive man and do not condone male /female violenc ;but am damn sure tht our male predecessors had it right ;90% of the team;except for the male sadists.We are so bloody PC these days that the obvious natural is foggy and has been made to hide in our heads for fear of admonition.

    Comment by keith — Thu 24th August 2006 @ 5:49 pm

  7. Keith & Alf,

    What would have had me do? Call the lovely, warming, loving women at CYFS?

    The mother was a Korean national; here on a temp visa till the visa could be converted…albeit by duping me into a marriage. Had I called CYFS she would have had every right to tell them to shove off, and then simply departed.

    As it happens, the principal of the boy’s school called CYFS. They least they spoke with the children and the mother (whom quickly found her English to be quite poor) And in an act of cynical self-protection the mother tried to throw me under the bus.

    Throughout all this I had begun writing a book about this bizarre affair.

    But the heat had come on and mother decamped for Korea. She sent me an email admitting her part; and tried to excuse her actions as ‘Korean Custom’. I sent a copy of the half-finished book and the email to CYFS.

    Would you you like to guess at their response or do I need to obviate the obvious?

    They asserted I had created the email, despite the fact I had provided the the email tracking data. And, of course, the content of my book was simply a figment of my imagination.

    You see, the sad minds at CYFS Waitakere don’t wish to deal with truth, they just want to ‘get’ men….this one in particular.

    They act like the jailers in Oscar Wilde’s, The Ballaad Of Reading Jail, describing the last hours of a man about to be hanged……

    “I Debtor’s Yard the stones are hard,
    And the dripping wall is high,
    So it was he took the air,
    Beneath the leaden sky,
    And by each side a Warder walked
    For fear the man might die.

    Or else he sat with those who watched,
    His anguish night and day,
    Who watched when he rose to weep,
    Or when he crouched to pray,
    Who watched him lest he himself should rob,
    Their scaffold of its prey.”

    And that protrays these vile Waitakere CYFS women. They don’t want truth. All they want is to see their scaffolds used.

    It’ll be a long day in hell before they take their pleasure at the expense of my GD.

    But I did manage to act to protect the boy.

    You see, after mother fled I contacted her brother. He’s a seriously nice and extremely wealthy Korean. Earlier, he had offered me $100k to keep his sister in NZ. I had refused the offer on moral grounds.

    Apparently, she had given the Korean resident family more grief than they wanted, so keeping her away was a plan they liked.

    However, after she fled home, I emailed Hak Bong and pasted her email into mine, plus I outlined what I had witnessed.

    I presume Hak Bong took the challenge because, the last I heard from him was; all three children are back with their father and the mother gets only visiting rights.

    I trust the foregoing makes you feel a bit better.


    Comment by dpex — Wed 13th September 2006 @ 8:06 pm

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