MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Letter from Gwynn

Filed under: General — JohnPotter @ 10:11 am Thu 27th April 2006

Gwynn writes:

Dear John,

It saddens me to see that your website is devoted entirely to the rights of fathers who have been separated from their children by the family court.

I am a mum and have been separated from my children also by way of the family court because of the ‘status quo’ that you will be familiar with.

I wonder if you will ever see that the family court is so far out there with its views and it can be either a dad or a mum that can suffer EXACTLY the same fate through FC.

Ok thanks.

Guess I’ll start a non-gender support group against the injustices of the FC myself!

Anyone who has spent time reading the very numerous pages on this web site will find that there is actually very little about the “rights of fathers”. Copy and paste this phrase (with quotes) into the search field on the top right of this page and see for yourself.

If you search on “fathers rights” you will find a few more references, among them the June/July 2001 MENZ Issues, which has an article Spinning the Feminist Line detailing how the phrase “fathers rights” is largely an invention of radical feminist activists, and used to discredit fathers’ groups and individual fathers receiving support from them.

There have been a few groups who have been interested in father’s or men’s rights, but the vast majority of MENZ contributors and readers would say they are primarily interested in children’s rights.

Examination of the Family Court protest photo above the article, or most of the hundreds of other protest photos on this site will show that woman have always been involved with this movement. Woman have always attended fathers group meetings, and taken part in management of organisations.

I suggest Gwynn, that you make contact with the fathers’ group nearest you and see what kind of reception you get. My guess is that you will find that your “non-gender support group” already exists. Perhaps you might like to report back here?


  1. Gwyn,

    Parents for Children is a parents organisation concerned with the very issues raised in your emai.

    See for contact details.


    Jim N

    Comment by Scrap_The_CSA — Thu 27th April 2006 @ 10:37 am

  2. Well said John-P

    Gwen, HandsOnEqualParent TRUST aims to change legislation and to help individuals acheive its title, its policy.

    Gender Bias I hope not. I for one am not in the business of separating Kids from Parents. NZLaw and Social Policy does that.

    In fact my main joy in life comes from watching the faces of Kids and BOTH their Parents realise they can have each other residing together or not.

    Sadly its usually DAD’s who are trying to see let alone FATHER their Kids.

    Onward – Jim

    Comment by JimBWarrior - HandsOnEqualParent — Thu 27th April 2006 @ 10:39 am

  3. Gwynn as a regular attendee at the north shore mens centre over the last few years I have both seen mothers helped and in turn seen mothers help others such as myself.So I am sure that if you were to visit you would find yourself among men and women who are concerned not for Gender but for the rights of our children, and getting this though to the legal incapable within the family court system. I guess what I’m saying is we are all just concerned parents wanting equal rights for all concerned.Hope all works out for you and yours soon. Dave L.

    Comment by DAVE L — Thu 27th April 2006 @ 8:51 pm

  4. Dear Gwynn,

    Reality not statistics reveal that most Fathers get a raw deal through the Family Court.
    Unlike the Feminazi movement however, we welcome any parent regardless of gender that faces discrimination and devastation that the System doles out with its predujices thereby ultimately the abuse of our children by the State.
    Contact any of the organisations that have responded to the post, alternatively you may contact me (09)271 6326 then perhaps with the resources of “Fathers(Parents)Coalition” groups we may achieve an outcome which your children should have as of right.

    Kind Regards

    Comment by paulc — Thu 27th April 2006 @ 10:04 pm

  5. Gwynn,
    You are not the only who will learn from this. I commented about my girlfriend a little while back and Jim got involved. I know for a fact these groups are not only helping men.

    I hope you do reach out because it is easier to cope with support from others who understand.

    Comment by julie — Fri 28th April 2006 @ 8:32 am

  6. I have visited your equal parenting site Jim and the others contributors mentioned. To be honest I am frightened of all that could come from the impending f/c hearing. I have found myself not qualifying for legal aid and facing self-representation – I’m damned scared of this – do I stall until I qualify – or do I face cross examination – essentially the children and the parents are implementing a council for childs 14 day parenting plan. It doesnt work – my gripe is that I dont see my son for 8 days straight and he has little contact with his 3 sisters.. and one weekend in two for me to be with him – I guess for some parents that may seem ok – I would prefer the father had one week and me one week then flip flop a weekend- makes sense to me.. Father seems to have a strangle hold on our son. I wonder where this will take my realtionship with this 10yr old boy in our futures.. Father is bitter, detests me and has convinced CFC that our son requires this ‘one on one’ time and CFC reluctant to ‘take that away’ yet son’s 3 sisters have no ‘one on one’ time – I valiantly go in to Mediation offering 50/50 week on week off for ALL kiddies – dont know what else to offer! just want ‘equal time’ = outcome- CFC says we will have to let the judge make the desicion.
    I stand to see my son 6 days a fortnight for I dont know how long and worse than all that have him programmed to not value his relationship with his Mother.
    sorry I dont know whether I was allowed to post that here – I needed to unload forgive me- just a mess feeling so lacking any say over my kids futures.
    PS – the scariest thing is what happens to those of us representing ourselves in FC – anyone been there done that ?

    Comment by Gwynn — Sun 30th April 2006 @ 1:48 pm

  7. Gwyn,

    Happy to help but not by committee

    Come and see me

    Contact detail on the website

    Regards – Jim

    Comment by JimBWarrior - HandsOnEqualParent — Sun 30th April 2006 @ 6:18 pm

  8. Gwynn.
    Post away.
    I don’t completely understand all that you have written so if my comment doesn’t seem relevant in areas please forgive me.

    I would defend myself in a criminal court but I wouldn’t defend myself in family court. It has it’s own rules. But I know Lawyers cost alot of money.

    What I suggest you do first is contact the lawyer for the child (court appointed lawyer who will represent the child) and find out where they stand. The court pays for them so they don’t mind spending time with you. Best to get them on your side ASAP. They have the most power as to what happens. Talk about your concerns but more so about the concern’s you have for your son. (that comes across better to them) Also ask them questions about the proceedings. If you feel emotional it may be a good idea to take a friend for support.
    It could be that the lawyer for the child is wanting the same thing as you and you might not need a long drawn out proceeding.

    I wonder why your ex won’t negotiate outside of court. Is this split just recent? It may be that giving time for your ex to heal or get over the split and settle will change the situation. But you will know if that is a possibility. If you can’t talk about it and are not sure then get a friend you both share to talk to him and ask him if he really wants to go to court.

    Comment by julie — Sun 30th April 2006 @ 11:20 pm

  9. Gwynn
    Just another thought.
    There are many parents that split the children especially boys to dad and girls to mum. If you want to get some support (friendship wise) then we have a number of parents who can listen and share their own story. You can way-up the pro’s and cons to your situation.
    If there is one thing to take from this site it is that the war isn’t worth it.
    And those parenting programmes are just another part of the game. My contact is

    Comment by julie — Mon 1st May 2006 @ 7:58 am

  10. I need to take back my comment about the FC being too hard to represent yourself in as I have since learn’t more and am aware the North Shore Men’s group does help people to do this and that the FC uses case law thus precedents from other prior cases.

    Comment by julie — Tue 2nd May 2006 @ 10:04 pm

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