Power and Powerlessness
I see, like others, the effect the mens coalition is making on our country at the moment. Even Good Morning NZ has shown a part of the media’s coverage. But the time Good Morning has spent is about a book and once again it is stated that most parents sort it out without having problems or going to court.
What people are not talking about is part of the core problem and is what our society needs to recognise. It is POWER and POWERLESSNESS.
Considering most of these parents that do not go to court but are part of the statistics that work it out amicably, one would find that parent (a) blackmails parent (b) who basically will almost do anything to see their children. In one moment parent (b) can lose shared parenting or even access.
Now, I am aware that I am going out on a limb, but think it about. It makes common sense to see things this way. In most couples in working relationships, you will see one parent has more power than the other in alot of situations. But in these relationships parents are supposed to negotiate their different thoughts and feelings. Yet they still argue, they still clash now and then. Or one parent accepts the others ways and rarely you will see them make a stand. Either way there is power.
In most broken relationships I see one parent less powerful than the other. The children still become the pawns in the middle. And this is in all walks of life.
For me, I can remember that if CYFS asked me to jump, I would ask, “How high?” And they were the only party I would do that with because the had my children.
But by doing this I empowered CYFS even more. And this is what I see happening to seperated parents with children. I don’t think in most cases the parents even see this as I do. But it exists. How many stories do we hear of one parent being powerless to the other parent’s actions. And then we hear the stories where parent (b) won’t give power to parent (a) and then the power struggle begins and the lawyers start to proceed by finding statutes that can give power to their client and take power from the other parent. Both parents have their strengths and weaknesses on show for a judge to decide their’s and their children’s future.
This is where, I feel we have to draw the line. To enable one parent to have power over another is just asking for trouble for the children. The power will come back and bite the parent who holds it. And this consequence will affect the children.
The parent that is powerless becomes a mess inside and on the outside their life reflects what is going on inside. This also affects the children. If it is the best interest of the children, we should be considering, then it is in their interst to have both parents with equal power. And the equal power has to be given from the government. It has to be the law of the land.
It is absolutely wrong for a parent to be blackmailed by another parent. One parent should not have power over another. That is manipulation in the worst form.