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Child support help needed

Filed under: General — Julie @ 5:56 pm Wed 20th June 2007

Hi there,

I have just recieved my second child support bill? in the mail. It is $450 per month for a child that I have never seen or been able to see. The boy in question was born 3 years ago yet the child support demands only emerged last month through the IRD.

Imagine the following circumstances….
– As a horny 19 year old I met a cute girl of 24.
– We hooked up and she told me she was on the pill and refused to use condoms.
– It turns out that she miscarried twins three weeks prior to meeting me.
– She lived with her divorced, alcoholic mother and the 5 year old son of her sister who is in prison for GBH.
– She fell pregnant.
– She told me all she wanted was a child and would not abort.
– Said that she wanted never to hear from me again and not to try and “find” her.
– I dealt with this by considering myself a sperm donor and got on with my life.
– 3 years on and the child support bill comes through and I have no idea where my son is and how to contact her and why suddenly I have to pay even though she “never wanted to hear from me or see me again.” I had considered a relationship with the child but she refused me this and I had to get over it and carry on…

I feel like I was tricked into giving her a child and she manipulated me when (as I said) I was nothing more than a horny young man, drunk on the attention that she gave me. Now I feel that I am paying to support her and whatever habits she has…and have got nothing in return except for a lousy shag.

Do I have any options? I’d really appreciate someone to talk to about this as I have just paid them and put them out of my mind and it’s killing me inside.



  1. Just for some more info…..

    I find that I am still in the denial stage where i’m just paying the money and ignoring it. The problem is that it’s based on last years earnings of some $45k and now I have just landed the most amazing job and I’m well on course to earn $90k this year and hopefully even more next year. I don’t want this to encourage me to earn less because my partner of 2 years and I are moving in soon and everything was rosie and then this came out of the blue.

    Any comments or advice would be most welcome…


    Comment by the-milky — Wed 20th June 2007 @ 6:04 pm

  2. Milky,

    It is not so hard to get permission to post on this site. And I hope I have done the right thing for you and the site itself. I can’t give you any advise on this but as a person who was in the same situation at 19, I would presume you have had either had a lecture from your parents or they are happy they are grandparents. lol

    You are a parent now and you are going to have to be responsible whether you like it or not. Especially since IRD is onto you. Can you not get your parents involved and maybe they can discuss this with the other parents?

    Comment by julie — Wed 20th June 2007 @ 6:45 pm

  3. Milky email me off line,

    [email protected]



    Comment by Scrap_The_CSA — Wed 20th June 2007 @ 8:00 pm

  4. Get advice now!
    You’ve got to bury the extra 45K income anywhere but under your name – so that it cannot be assessed by IRD in future years.

    Comment by Frank & Earnest — Wed 20th June 2007 @ 9:54 pm

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