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Happy fathers’ day

Filed under: General — Darryl Ward @ 8:53 pm Sat 1st September 2007

(Those with good memories may note that this is identical to my fathers’ day message from last year. This is because I saw no need to change a single word).

Many of you who read this will be fathers and you will be spending some or all of today with your children. This is a day to celebrate your role, a role that all too often is not only overlooked and underestimated, but undermined and maligned.

This is a day for all of you to be thanked for all that you have done for your children, whether it was sacrificing precious time (that you would rather have spent with them) working to ensure that there was bread on the table, or spending a weekend building a doll’s house.

This day is for all fathers.

This day is to dispel the negative and terribly wrong stereotypes surrounding fathers.

This day is to remember that children need love and care from both their mothers and their fathers.

This day is to acknowledge the selfless love and sacrifice of our own fathers.

For some of you though, this will not be a happy day, for you will not have any contact with your children. All you will have is a cherished memory, a dog-eared photograph, or perhaps a three-year old card, handwritten in crayon with bad spelling, which is now stained with tears.

If you are a father and this day overwhelms you with sadness, remember that even though they cannot be with you, your children will still be thinking of you on this very special day.

If you are a father, have a happy fathers’ day. You deserve it.

If you are not a father, please pass this on to someone who is…. maybe your own father.

Happy fathers’ day.

13 Responses to “Happy fathers’ day”

  1. MikeT says:

    Darryl,
    I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve written above.
    It’s strange how Fathers Day never gets as much attention from the media as what Mothers Day does.
    Fathers are an essential part of any childs proper development into a well-balanced adult, unfortunately this idea is not shared by all in this country, it is a real shame.
    Anyway, I’d just like to wish all the fathers of NZ a safe and happy day, no matter what their circumstances are.
    I’m off to see my father who is 150km away down south, right now. 😉

  2. davel says:

    Guys nice to hear some can get to see their kids today or even see their own dad.But alas some of us no longer have a living dad although the memories are alive and well and a smile comes to the face when you think back to the good times.I know the kids will have been thinking about their dad today.They don’t understand that it is the family court that destroyed their chance to spend the day with dad on the day,like the other kids. but we will do our best to make it up next weekend.and hope that next year it [fathers day] falls on our weekend together.I hope you all had the best day you could hope for.If not make tomorrow a good one spoil yourself.

  3. MurrayBacon says:

    Best wishes to the fortunate children, who can enjoy a direct relationship with their father.
    Best wishes to the less fortunate children, whose relationship with their father is damaged by restricted access or untruths said behind the father’s back, by the “custodial” mother.
    Only a minority of mothers (and fathers) behave in these ways, who see themselves as so valuable or important that their child shouldn’t need or want to have any relationship, with the person they bedded to create this child. (What does a parent like this really want? Do they know what they want? When they get what they asked for, they often then want something else? How can such a person be supported by familycaught judges as a sole parent?)
    The main point is, as a parent, even if you are faced with access barriers, be persistent, don’t give up. Mother (and a few fathers alas) abductors will not win in the end. Never give up, make contact with your children through both sides of the family.
    Michael Hickman set up a website, with photos, diary and webEMAIL facility, so his children can contact him despite their abductor mother and the german gestapo familycaught, who have supported and approved the international abductor mother’s actions. (See – 50% returned 50% supported?)
    By letting your children know that you care, you significantly reduce their risk of suicide as young adults (and your own too).
    Relationship vandals of all kinds can wreak much destruction, but never completely destroy a parent child relationship unless you give up in the face of their behaviour.
    (Exception, when the child or parent suicides.)
    If you are in contact with children who have been relocated without the other parent’s informed consent, please take an interest in these children, that is follow suicide protective measures. Otherwise, these children are at about x7 risk of suicide, through the issue of abduction and the relationship destruction that occurs in abduction.
    The judges who approve these abductions wear a lot of blood on their hands. It can never be washed off.
    Look at the Hague Convention statistics yourself, you will see that barely 50% of children are ever returned and the average return time is a year and a half. Any judge who says the Hague Convention is working fairly well, isn’t facing the reality that these unprotected children face.
    Repeated allegations of abuse are milked by familycaught, rather than being speedily successfully processed to protect the child’s relationships.
    Lets act to protect our children and grandchildren.
    We do need a working family court system, staffed with people who in their hearts want to protect children.
    One day it could be your child or grandchild……
    You must act long before your children are out of your reach.
    Talk to your friends, who are already in this situation, if they can admit it. Think through your friends, how many of their grandchildren can they see? how many grandchildren are there, that they cannot see?
    Family is important, especially for children.
    Keeping hope alive is more than lighting a candle, after the you have been informed that the child has been relocated or abducted.
    Act to protect your children, from the legal worker highwaymen who seek to profit by tearing your family apart.
    You cannot protect your children by saying “someday…”
    Lots of love, MurrayBacon.

  4. Scrap_The_CSA says:

    well said Darryl

  5. Hans Laven says:

    I was out of town on Fathers Day, not realizing this a few months ago when I agreed to join a group of old friends on a proposed expedition. When in town I have picked up my children to stay with me for all or some of every weekend. When I am away I use redirection to ensure that the children can easily reach me through a free local call. I was sad not to receive any contact or message from my children on Fathers Day. This I am sure was no reflection on my relationship with them; we generally get on very well together. No, it reflected the emotional violence their mother subjects me to on a regular basis. Although I always remind the children and encourage them to get a gift and to make contact for Mothers Day and their mother’s birthday, no reciprocal kindness is shown. The main victims of her vendetta will of course be the children. The anti-family beliefs being modelled to them, the poor conflict resolution and parenting skills being taught, the compromized view they are being encouraged to develop about their father (and the seeds of parental alienation being sown), missing out on the opportunity to engage in the kind of bonding experience that brings meaning to one’s life. Sad sad sad.

  6. Benjamin Easton says:

    And well said too Hanz,

    On Radio NZ national the presenter played various pieces through the afternoon, relavent to fathers’ day finishing with the Violent Feemes… gone daddy gone, my love is gone…

    My children, for the first time in our seven year separation, had access to all of my contact details: And yet, even for having recent contact under the imposed supervised access conditions, which I reject, (for there was never a notion that there was any kind of violence toward the children and my court cases have been about exposing this condition as systemic protected violence as directly inconsistent with every principle supporting the object of the Domestic Violence Act s.5), there was no contact made.

    The High Court Judge, Lockharte (funny name that) kept massive quantities of information/evidence away from the jury and directly interferred in my cross examination of my ex-wife excusing her from the examination when I got close to her perjury, lies and corruption. He just simply let her walk out when we acme to the critical points: gone – like my son and daughter – gone. The questions and evidence neglected is that which holds my son and daughter away from an association with me and as the Judge rightly said in his unprofessional summing up – out of judgment of course, is that if I didn’t comply soo my relationship with my children would be perminantly damaged. So: Hanz, I agree with you, I do not blame the children for not having contact and nor do I think that it reflects on them in any way as to whether or not our love for each other remains, as it has always been; stable. I blame the judge. I blame the system. I blame the politicians for their lies and deceipt – and for my Christian principles, I rant at the Church, that they should have left a citizenship needing their protection and jurisdiction so vulnerable to such massive human carnage.

    Perversley, I dind’t for the first time that I can remember think of my own dad on that day, only remembering him two days later. That’s how deep the wounds will fester. Absolute carnage.

    Kororia ki te Atua.

  7. Darryl Ward says:

    As a general rule, I do not like to censor posts, but as originator of this thread, I have just deleted a post that I considered libellous (after I attempted to translate into English).

    This was a most reluctant step, as the post appeared to be a graphic illustration of PAS in action.

  8. Paul Catton says:

    Dear Darryl,

    If the content was libeling you should have let it stand.
    The translation should have not been attempted but invoked verbatim.
    If content was PAS personified you should have let it be displayed.
    I assume that it was personal in nature hence the deletion.
    I too, of past had been subjected through this forum commenting to attack from family being immediate, extended and further extension.
    One aggressor through this forum who is now seeking guidance and assistance by me was remorsefully overwhelmed at the comment they posted about me at the time.
    KARMA is the operative word.
    Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, not quite true if they are from misguided progeny but time and truth will prevail.

    Kind Regards
    Paul Catton
    East Auckland Refuge for Men and Families (09) 940 6236

  9. Bevan Berg says:

    Have we become our own worst enemy by making this Fathers’ Day, rather than father’s day.

  10. Darryl Ward says:

    Hi Paul

    The poster claimed to be the young child of a well known fathers’ activist.

    Upon reconsideration, I am reproducing the original post below…. but with any identifying details removed. Before reading this, I ask you to consider whether a nine year old could realistaically be expected to find his or her way to this site – and then write such hate about a parent – without being coached.

    Unless I am mistaken, this is parental alienation syndrome (PAS) in all its full glory.

    [NAME DELETED]!!!! im nine years old,my dad is lying about my mum! my mum actually reminded me many time to call you i was just to busy,and i was SICK,and u never reminded us to cal mum on her bithday!and that was just 2 days ago!and dont go complaining at me when i next see u,because u lied and this is wat i do to people who lie!
    and i may be writing in text lang but this is only because i like playing runescape, none of this has anything to do with my mum so just shut the hell up about my mum she is none of ur business so if u want to badmouth someone write it about urselfs!!!!!!!!!!!!!u deserve it after badmouthing my mum!

  11. Paul Catton says:

    Be strong, I got this type of stuff and more.
    Website attacks
    The following posted comments were made on Menz org under articles that I had placed on the site exposing a perceived discrimination that men seem to face when entrenched by the System and agencies.
    All the comments have been provided by persons close to Anita.

    E-mail : anonymous@hotmail.com
    URI : http://www.menz.org.nz/2005/justice-at-waitakere-or-corruption/
    Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=210.54.238.33
    Comment:
    To Paul,
    I urge you to give up on your quest to destroy Anita Larsson and shaun catton-larssons life, I understand that you have been offered the chance to see your children on the condition that you attend an anger management course and/or agree to supervised access. I would have thought seeing as you say that seeing your children is highly important to you, you would agree to any means possible to see them, its perfectly obvious to everyone involved that your number one priority is infact trying to ruin your ex-wifes life and happy new marriage. Im sorry that your anger has prevented you from any access to your children, but you have only yourself to blame. I also realize you are in denial that you not only have an anger problem, but a drinking one as well, have a good day.

    E-mail : sweet_thang_f15@hotmail.com
    URI :
    Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=222.154.21.113
    Comment:
    Well Paul you go on about personal attacks. You, yourself have place on attack after me using my own sister how dare you use a little 14 year old girl to do your dirty work, and the rape issue. That was under your roof not hers! What you are saying there is a personal attack with about the Sinkinson family with the Sinkinson Dysfunctional Syndrome, what the hell do you call that and what medical journal did you get it from cause i would like to read it myself. All the Drugs, Alcohol and abuse you gave out i would take 1 step back and take a good look in the mirror and dont even think that you are gonna fight for my daughter cause she is with the sinkison family. My father didnt want anything to do with her so stop trying to make our lives hell and get on with your own in peace.

    E-mail : lee45@yahoo.com
    URI : http://www.menz.org.nz/2005/justice-at-waitakere-or-corruption/
    Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=210.54.238.33
    Comment:
    Paul, Think seriously now, you know as well as I do, Anita Larsson did not leave New Zealand in a bid to “abduct” your children, she left out of fear for the safety of her, and her children. To all MENZ members currently on Paul Catton’s side of the story, listen to me : Paul Catton has inflicted such violence and psychological pain on His ex – wife and two eldest boys, that it caused her to flee from her home thus resulting in her relocation to Sweden.
    Anita Larsson is nor an abductress (as you call her) nor does she have dysfunctions (unless you consider one of her dysfunctions as not leaving the domestic violence sooner). I dont mean to lay a personal attack but as I was browsing this site I noticed such lies from your end of the story, and yes I will admitt there are always two sides to every story and I do truely feel sorrow for the genuine MENZ members who have had their children cruely taken from them when they did nothing wrong, but Paul at least take the first step and admitt to your past wrongdoings, you have inflicted your sons and ex-wife with alot of harm and you must understand that with all this violence toward your children, Anita nor her family want you to repeat this on the two youngest children. Yes the Family Court does often side with Maternal side of the family but it is usually because it is in the best interests of the children involved and more often than not children tend to be closer to the mother
    rather than the father, but in your circumstances, how could you expect custody of your young children? In regard to one of your latest statements, stating that the sinkinsons produce “teenage pregnany” and “child abandonment”, i think you already perfectly understand that the girl you are meaning when you said this (which i will not disclose the first name), does not bear the last name “sinkinson” And i think personally a history of undereducational achievement is far better than a history of violence, anger, abuse, alcoholism, and wife – beating. Answer me this – if you did gain custody of your young son Shaun, who would it benefit? shaun? No, it wouldnt. He doesnt want to leave his new Daddy in Sweden or his new friends, or the new life he has been made. It would only benefit you. And as for Antonia, she is now old enough to understand your past actions and what you have done, and to know that it isnt right. You’ve now lost 3 out of 4 of your children forever Paul, and i
    cant see you gaining the forth any time soon.
    Other postings
    I wonder how many people know the truth about WHY you lost access rights to your children in the first place. Shame on you!
    Comment by Sanna – Mon 20th March 2006

    I would have to agree with Sanna there, What did you do that was so bad for her to leave the country with the kids in the first place and the police to allow it. I know people in the police force and i know for a fact that they wouldnt enforce something like that unless it was serious.
    Comment by Charles – Mon 20th March 2006
    Family violence is a big issue these days and sorry to say that it makes me sick how people can say good on you for that. All i have to say to you is that you make me sick paul and to the both of you, you should b ashamed sticking up for family violence.
    Comment by Clinton – Mon 20th March 2006 @ 11:51 am
    HAHA yeah right, i aint gonna stick up for you paul. I am and pretty much sick of all your lies on these forums why dont you just drop the case. You aint fighting for your kids, you are fighting to get back at your ex wife i have followed everything you have been saying and to me that sounds like utter crap.
    Comment by Charles – Mon 20th March 2006 @ 11:57 am

    Yes well I to know the other side of the story (The REAL story)and I really think you need to think about what is best for the children for once, not just trying to hurt their mother.
    Like the comments above they are there for a very good reason arn’t they Paul.?
    Comment by Sarah Saran – Mon 20th March 2006 @ 2:39 pm

    i agree with all comments above, paul, you should be thinking about the happiness of your children and as you clearly state, they still arent back, therefore they are probably happier where they are. Get over it, if your wife had to leave you, there was good reason. stop harassing juges that simply dont care.
    Comment by anonymous – Thu 30th March 2006 @ 9:54pm

    There does not appear to be a reply to comments and questions that have been put to you??? instead of refering people to the Mens Centre, would you be courteous enough to give an answer to the question that is being asked.
    There are normally two sides to every story, but it seems to me you are putting an enormous amount of blame on everyone but yourself… if you havnt been able to deal with your own issues, of anger and frustration ,I find it hard to comprehend that you should be in a position to “advise” others positively.
    Instead of putting all your energy into Fighting the scum lawyers,, as you so ineloquently descrbed them, maybe you should take a long hard look at your own history before putting the blame elsewhere??
    Your wife of 22 years left you because of violence, not only to herself but your children,,that is why your children were not placed in your care, Over the last 2 years of your seperation I know you consistantly threatened her physically and mentally,. You moved to a house less that 200 metres from were she lived and regardless of Protection Orders stalked her to the point of terrifying the two children you refer to in The Abduction ,you are also facing a possible conviction for violence against one of your elder sons. which amazingly enough ,you have described yourself as the victim of a home invasion????.
    This from your wife and then 16 year old son?How many lies do you have to tell to get the following you so obviously desire,,no matter how many people you convince ??there are so many more that really do know the truth and it is such a shame that evan now you are more concerned about getting your name in print , rather than doing what is right for your children.
    In case you are thinking of inviting me to join you on a monday to the Mens centre ,, dont bother,. I would have thought an organisation such as this would spend more time thinking of ways to improve their childrens lives , rather than planning demonstrations outside the homes of people who most probably have children and families of their own,,,and are after all only doing their jobs,
    Considering their degrees do not come out of a Box of Cornflakes,I would have think they would be damn site better informed that you or I.
    Comment by jack – Sun 2nd April 2006

    Paul, if it is support you are wanting, sorry none forthcoming. You are fully aware of the ‘inhuman’ things you have been guilty of when it comes to your family (usually under the influence of addictive substances) For a 12year old to write such things as not wanting to see her father again, that is serious, she did not approve of the way you unkindly treated your ex wife (your daughter’s mother),
    I understand you have acted uncontrollaby in previous courts, that maybe sums you up, OUT OF CONTROL if you cannot be in control.
    Comment by Sally Wise – Mon 3rd April 2006 @ 11:11 pm

    How dare you of all people accuse anyone of using this site to put forward their own oppinions. You have consistently lied about how your own actions caused me to leave with our children… you obviously want to believe the lies you have told because maybe then you can somehow justify your actions in some sort of perverted way. I personally do not like to be informed that yet again you are standing on your soap box declaring how you are the victim..when it is you that has been the one who has mentally and physically abused the people you accuse. I have not wanted anything to do with you since our seperation and as ‘Jack’ wrote , our youngest children were made afraid by your constant irratic behaviour ….to which you would not, and i am to believe, have still not sought help for…which amongst other reasons is why we are now living in Sweden. It is not for me to say how you live your life so long as it does not effect any of my family (which obviously includes your own children), what does concern me is your need to belittle anyone who does not hold the same oppinion as yourself. This is the first time I have written on this site as I do believe it should not be a forum for personal attacks,but it appears you are accusing me of this, in doing so making it personal to me…there is a saying ‘if you cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen’…if you constantly want to attack people Paul, you have to expect that one day they might fight back…’the pen is mightier than the sword’ is another saying, but most people havent got time to sit in front of a PC composing clever letters, to possibly hurt,break or tarnish anothers reputation, they try to bury the past and get on with their life in the present, whatever that takes, be it just in acknowleding that a wrong has been done you can possibly repair damage instead of smashing everything to pieces. We do have a Protection Order in place so I personally dont expect or want a reply from you as I have said I want no contact..In saying this you are free to write whatever in the column..thats what you do anyway!
    Anita
    Comment by Anita Larsson – Tue 11th April 2006

    Needless to say Truth not misguided loyalties, nor Systemic milking by the parasites finally eventuated.
    Twas a hard road but coming from deaths door, only one way was forward especially with Saint Bagnall at ones hand.

    Kia Kaha
    Paul Catton
    East Auckland Refuge for Men and Families
    (09) 940 6236

  12. Bevan Berg says:

    Thanks for having the courage to repost that Darryl – It may open others eyes to the personal conflicts some of us have to live with, and some children suffer under.

  13. Benjamin Easton says:

    Absolutely Bevan!

    We are only going to be effectively strong if we are together – and Darrly’s post sponsored for the sheer tenacity and pride of Paul bound into determination by good ol’ St Bagnall is an alienating example in the acidity deposited onto the minds of sons and daughters that challenges as demonised, fatherhood.

    The confidence to step up and face the repugnance of that condition as if the challenge itself is the thing that matters is the masculine behaviour which has been oppressed and exploited.

    Yet: have we learned how to challenge in a way that does not demand of history to repeat and we would, could and will demand again to take women for granted? Have we learned enough to be able to educate our young not to fall into the trap that executes by gender war?

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