MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Make the most of it

Filed under: General — sparticus @ 7:37 pm Tue 16th October 2007

I want to share some some attitudes and beleifs that have helped me through the issues that most of us have in common

Firstly as farthers we are? responsible for our children and their ability to cope with the world around them, It is the only legacy we will leave behind that will have any impact on their lives. It is a fathers duty to instill in their children a sense of fair play, self controll and duty. The best of what the male of the species has to offer. I think it is true to say that after we’ve had our obligatory heart attacks our childrens? memory of us will be of the times and experiences that we shared with them.

Provided? we are not predisposed to? an unhealthy attraction to drugs, alcohol and or aggression we are in a good position to contibute possitively to our kids upbringing.? Consequently I have been at as loss to understand how we have been reduced to a cash cow and? nothing else. The demands placed on us from the kids mothers and child support seem to be almost exlusively of a financial nature.?

This is about when I and many others I have spoken with decided it was time for a holiday, 5 years in my case, most of which was spent trying to get my ex wife to agree to reasonable access to my son. In between phone calls, lawer meetings and court dates I spent my time snowboarding, trout fishing, playing my guitar and xbox,? earning just enough money to meet my needs and stay on the child support minimum payment. Petty? you may ask, possibly, but incredibly liberating. I can tell you that an untimely stress related death? or impending suiside were both postponed indefinately. Im sure if my kids new they would think it was time well spent. The other advantage was? when the family court granted me access on my terms, my son and I had new experiences to share. Oddly neither my son nor myself were any worse of financialy than if i had worked? fulltime and paid more in child support.

The other issue I would like to touch on is abusive or controlling ex partners. Rememer you no longer have any obligation? to these people. If they cant treat you with respect, the solution is simple say goodbye hang up and call a lawyer,? some are genuine, sure they cost money but you? and your kids are worth it,? and? at least you made the desision to spend it and there are reasonable ears in the familly court.



  1. Hi sparticus,

    I haven’t seen you comment before so if you are new welcome. The more the merrier.

    You have given good advice IMO opinion.

    Comment by julie — Tue 16th October 2007 @ 8:50 pm


    Comment by CB — Tue 16th October 2007 @ 9:36 pm

  3. Said from the heart , thanks

    Comment by martin swash — Tue 16th October 2007 @ 10:45 pm

  4. well said. i to like you have spent last 2 years working a job at half my earning potential just for less stress and of course so the devil and his consort can only strip me so much. i recommend this to anyone in this position as your health is more important than money. and time spent with your kids in a relaxed frame of mind is the best time you can have.

    good luck

    Comment by phil — Wed 17th October 2007 @ 6:43 am

  5. Well spoken sparticus.
    I ended my marriage in a burnt-out state, and was actually unable to achieve any monetary income for some years. It gave me a great opportunity to recover, rebuild, and design the life I have now.
    My children teenage were fascinated by the parallels between their lifes and mine- and we learnt from each other. There is something very special about having your son or daughter taking trouble to introduce you to something new for the sake of your upbringing- sort of reversing the favour!
    Well said that man!

    Comment by John Brett — Wed 17th October 2007 @ 7:35 am

  6. Hi Sparticus
    It is a big decision to make to have a holiday,but I agree with you,it is the right decision.What thanks will a man get when the stress has become too much and it eventually kills him.The only thing that my husband’s ex wife would be concerned about,is to have him dug up to look for gold in his teeth.

    Comment by rosie — Wed 17th October 2007 @ 10:40 am

  7. Maybe it what some fathers’ need, a kick up the emotional backside to make them less reliant on females and a call to be more self-reliant. We can make a difference. It seems to me that the familt courts, DO have the kids’ best interest at heart, just they do not trust fathers yet, it will take more Dads to br GREAT fathers to persuade them !!!!!!!

    Comment by martin swash — Thu 18th October 2007 @ 8:08 pm

  8. how times have changed…'s_guide

    Comment by CB — Fri 19th October 2007 @ 7:18 pm

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