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Elizabeth Herd – Sean’s Voice

Filed under: Domestic Violence — JohnPotter @ 10:18 am Fri 10th October 2008

My name is Elizabeth Herd.

I have a Myspace page titled Sean’s Voice. This page is in honor of my sweet grandson, Sean Michael Sowards who was tortured, abused and neglected leading to his murder by his own mother when he was just two and half years old. It was in June of 2007 (just last year) that we had to say good bye and bury this precious angel. This woman not only abused Sean, but also abused my son, Sean’s daddy over the eight years they were together.

It has been a very devastating year to my family as you can imagine, since we were unaware of the abuse. We have learned a lot! Because and through this tragedy, I have become a voice for the abused, Sean’s Voice, and have been fortunate to find friends who were touched enough by hearing Sean’s story, that a petition has been started in his honor. The petition is an effort to get legislation passed that would help our men in abusive relationships the same way that it now provides for women. As I’m sure you know, there are very few, if any, institutions or agencies who offer help to our men. Men who try to get out of these abusive relationships, but also who try to protect their children by getting them out as well. I am confident that if there had been such programs available, my son would have been able to protect his son… and himself.

I am writing to you today to ask for your support… to please view this petition and add your signature to this cause. My hope is that you would also pass this link on to all (perhaps post it on your site) so that everyone will have this opportunity to help protect our men and our children.

The link:

Thank you very much for your time, and hopefully your support. May God bless you.

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing”

Elizabeth Herd


  1. Very tragic! Thanx for posting this.

    There are some great pictures to use for the hospitals and other public places.” rel=”nofollow”

    Comment by julie — Fri 10th October 2008 @ 1:10 pm

  2. Ooops. Very hard to get pictures up from myspace.

    Comment by julie — Fri 10th October 2008 @ 1:24 pm

  3. Following the links I see that the petition is limited to citizens of the USA.
    This is Tragic. Unfortunately it is far from uncommon in NZ.

    I have been keeping a database covering reported NZ cases of female violence. Presently it is in access 2000. Copies and information are freely available, as are further entries I am unaware of. In the same database I am also carrying information of false allegations of Rape and similar crimes by females.

    More entries are welcome, preferably with link to original data.

    Comment by Alastair — Fri 10th October 2008 @ 5:17 pm

  4. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for over 20 years due to my feelings of subjugation. My wife would often kick, punch and slap me, spit in my face and destroy my property. Four times the police were called and each time established I was the one being abuse.

    I finally got out thanks to the Schema Therapy offered by Counsellor Max Lloyd of Ponsonby Auckland, who is very experienced in battered men’s issues. See I would encourage any man in an abusive relationship to talk to Max.

    Society, especially the Family Court, refuses to see anything but the stereotypical scenario of traditional power and control issues and men as always the perpertrators. I accept there is a lot of male violence against women, but this results in the perception women are impossible of abuse against men.

    I deplore violence but five weeks after leaving my abusive spouse I informed her I was applying for a parenting order. Her response was to attempt to take out a without notice protection order against me. Six months later I am still waiting for a hearing date to defend this and yet the Family court fails to recognise six months has elasped and I have not made one threat against my spouse even though the without notice application was denied and there is actually nothing legally stopping me going around to her house if I wished. I feel the fact I haven’t speaks volumes of exactly who was abused in this relationship.

    The scales need to be put back into balance. When was the last time you encountered a man at the Family Court – unless he was there of course defending proceedings against him.

    Comment by Gerry — Fri 10th October 2008 @ 6:54 pm

  5. I can empathise with that Gerry. I too was abused. I complained to the police. only to be told there was insufficient evidence. I charge that police are not to be trusted and are so under the power of the feminists have lost all objectivity.

    Comment by Alastair — Fri 10th October 2008 @ 7:52 pm

  6. My ex-wife was like yours Gerry, maybe less violent, and did the same thing to me (P.O), i never touched her, i am sure that you never did either. The bad news is, is that in my case she won all the way in the courts, keeping kids, furniture, everything.
    The same thing will happen to you too unless SHE has a change of heart.

    Since she is so violent, i presume she is stopping you seeing your kids. At the court hearing they will just ask her what she wants, and your parenting application will gain you access of 1 day a fortnight to your kids and you will have to pay 30-40% of your salary in child support. Did she also allege that you were violent to your kids ? That’s what mine did, anyway, they are told to say this too.

    I know it is all a great injustice, it is a question of human rights and politics, of a whole corrupt industry benefitting legal workers and government. They WANT to maintain the status quo. It will change one day, but our kids will be adults , and only sons will understand in the future.

    SHE will never EVER change ! You can

    Comment by martin swash — Fri 10th October 2008 @ 9:25 pm

  7. I was thinking the same as Alistair, in my case the ex just told the police that I had tried to strangle her, it seems strange how your wife just didn’t make up stuff like that ?

    Even if you have injuries , the Kiwi cops ignore it usually and take the woman’s side.

    Comment by Martin Swash — Sat 11th October 2008 @ 7:55 am

  8. Dear Martin and Alistair. You are right, it is as if you know my case.
    My ex-wife alleges that I did try to strangle her, although the medical records show no damage or brusing. She is alleging I have been violent to the children, but they only told her about this after I left. Lawyer for Child has simply accepted everything she has been told and opposed even supervised access.
    Because my daughters are highly gifted they have been seeing a psychologist who specialises in programmes for gifted kids. I have been seeing this psychologist for 5 years with my daughters and she refuses to accept I have been violent. Yet Lawyer for child hasn’t bothered to approach her, despite the psychologist asking. I have provided the court with two psychological assessments showing my personality is such that I turn any anger inwards on myself and have no signs of an abusive personality. In fact my personality is quite the opposite.
    Your experiencies have left me feeling even more despondent and distressed. I have been keeping hope alive by doing courses to improved myself both as a father and as a man, as I hope my separation will give me the chance to be the person I wasn’t allowed to be in my marriage because of the subjugation I experienced. Your coments however make me feel like I am just kidding myself and will never get the chance to be the father I want to be. But thanks for your support.

    Comment by Gerry — Sat 11th October 2008 @ 11:02 am

  9. Hi Gerry,
    I was fortunate, my philosophical beliefs were strong and the central organisation provided considerable support, both male & female. Additionally I was involved with a second Charitable Trust that was staffed almost entirely by men. This was a working organisation, running a business. It was being surrounded by these men and carrying out manly duties with typical male humour that carried me through, plus an extremely peaceful environment. There is no other like it else where. The first is common, it. You don’t find them in psychologist’s offices or doing programs. They tend to be present in several flavours in all towns. Their philosophical base is the way forward.

    My release came by Doing, as opposed to listening. I became a giver of myself. It raises ones self esteem no end

    Comment by Alastair — Sat 11th October 2008 @ 4:26 pm

  10. Alistair, I don’t think I ever told you how much you did for me with your old group.

    You had a site “PANIC” (I think that was it) and I wrote on it once. A female from CYFS picked up my comment and gave it to one of the National directors. He in turn phoned me and said, “So we need to meet. Is now a good time or tomorrow”. I thought that was clever and told him he hadn’t given me a question where I got to say, “Yes” or “No”.

    He is still in my life as a community worker and I get to joke with him over the fact I would never refer clients to CYFS. But that is not all he did and not all he is doing this very day.

    I also get to make a joke how I am still in a position to sue but he jokes back that he can’t help with that but he did make CYFS that very afternoon drop off thousands of pages of a file to my very door.

    We have so many who are trying to be supportive and who understand our plight in the community. Bureaucracy is the problem as well as all the mistakes being made a long the way.

    Any case I have that needs real authority protection is only a phone call away now.

    I bet I am not the only person who forgot to say thank-you.

    Comment by julie — Sat 11th October 2008 @ 4:45 pm

  11. Julie,
    Thank you for that. I need a bit of encouragement at present. I left PANIC many years ago because of issues where my integrity forced me to differ with Her Direktor. The PANIC forum is no more. I do not know how the trust functions.

    I have shifted my CYF support to CYFSTALK ( a totally hidden forum. much support is happening there. You are welcome to join. (I have a feeling you already have?)

    We all need support. This is a bruising business.

    Comment by Alastair — Sat 11th October 2008 @ 4:55 pm

  12. Yes, well … what can one say. We get our calling form many different directions.

    I know this is trying.

    Comment by julie — Sat 11th October 2008 @ 5:03 pm

  13. Posted this under another topic but there seemed to be no feedback, so hoping my story will encourage other fathers to keep going/fighting for there kids.

    My wife (2nd marriage) and I have been subjected to 8 protection order applications over the past 10 years, by my children’s mother (to date no protection order applications have ever been granted), Family Court Orders and Parenting Orders have been breached by the children’s mother. Children were removed from the region for four years, no consultation, no notification they just vanished. I made contact with the school and was advised the school believed the safety of the children came first and would not give any information about the children’s whereabouts. I followed up with a letter to the school board and was told the school acted appropriately. Went to police and asked for assistance, they refused to help only telling me the kids were enjoying their new school. Breach of Parenting other application lodged, but family court did’nt know who would enforce it ‘Police’ or ‘Courts. Then I was sent another Protection Order as I had dared to go to the Police.
    Parent Alienation from my children and the constant battle for access, contact etc has been our life for the past 10 years. In and out of the Family Court that all cost many thousands per year (as the respondent only, never the applicant). Alligations made in many forums including ‘Fame and Shame’ nz website about both my wife and self giving full details of name and my employment, also within this very website. Investigated by police SAT and CYF for child abuse (including sexually inappropriate behaviour infront of the children)none of these alligations were proven to be true. Had our house searched by police for children’s bikes as she informed police I had stolen them. They showed up in her families locked up shed the day after, but then I was told I must have returned the bikes and then locked the shed up myself with a stolen key?
    The mother of the children was damming and played the victim of a newly broken marriage (married twice and engaged since) and claimed I did not want to be involved in my children’s lives she also went as far as asking for advice on this matter. In true form she then turned on this websites developer and phoned his home to verbally abuse his child, also submitting vulgar messages to other subscribers to menz issues. She then came back some months later and used a ficticous name and continued her barrage of lies and deceit while I had to remain quiet and not respond.
    I now believe it is appropriate timing to advise that my children left (walked with there feet) December of last year to a family members home for safety from their mother. They have not been back since and refuse to have any contact with her. This caused involvement by police,cyf,family court, independent psychologist report and now a local psychologist for intensive therapy for the children and to re-establish the relationship btw myself and the children (my wife and daughter to be included shortly).
    Due to constant PA the children have believed what has been constantly fed to them over the years and hence that is the reason they did not come directly to me. I am pleased they are now safe. I am also pleased that the truth is out – it was their mother whom has abused them emotionally, psychologically and physically while pointing the finger at me and my wife. There have been many professionals who have sat back and colluded with the mother, also having important information that they did not report to appropriate authorities that left the children in dangerous situations. These ‘gate keepers’ are now trying to unravel the damage that they too helped to create. I was perceived as a violent man, I believe this was a stereotype due to my culture and size.
    My wife was granted a ‘Restraining Order’ under the Harrassment Act last week that now finally protects her from the children’s mother. We have had to deal with threats made to kill us and harm the children in 2005, she (kids mother) stated if she did’nt do it herself, she would pay someone to do the job as she has the money and the contacts. This was minimised by cyf and family court.
    I am now seeing the children and its wonderful for all of us. The kids are wanting more contact and I am hoping to one day be the day to day carer of the children and we can be a family again.
    I was asked by psychologist, L4C why I didn’t fight for my children or fight harder to have bought them back! I was also asked if I’m in it for the long haul and how committed I am………… ‘We’ve been here for 10 years, so I think we’re committed!

    Only sad part is I’ve missed out on the vital informative years. Looking forward to getting to know the children again.

    So please hang in there for your children’s sake, one can only control a child for so long before they grow up and will want to know the truth.

    Comment by Molly — Wed 15th October 2008 @ 9:46 pm

  14. It is a terrible tale of a mad woman, but i have to say that I think it won’t be end of the matter, she sounds like a real screwball.
    Typical of all the “professionals” covering their arses, pity you can’t sue them in some way. Disgusting how good dads are treated

    Comment by Perseus — Thu 16th October 2008 @ 12:55 am

  15. This is a very awesome page. Thank you for the support and information to our men who are abused. Please keep up on the good work, and thank you for spreading the word on the petition. Sean’s Voice Petition HERE!

    Comment by Lika — Sun 11th October 2009 @ 8:16 pm

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