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NZVPA Symposium on Violence Prevention – Early Intervention and Therapy

Filed under: Domestic Violence,Events — JohnPotter @ 1:33 pm Mon 2nd February 2009

Director of the N.Z. Violence Prevention Association Warwick Pudney has organised a Symposium at AUT University on:

Preventing violence and making our communities and homes safer.

This is a one day event which draws together a variety of practitioners who have had success at what they do in the NZ community in preventing violence by early intervention, positive engagement and therapeutic responses that give hope to victims, perpetrators, families and communities.

This symposium is suited to workers in the field of violence prevention, group facilitators, social services, policy writers, enforcement, educators, politicians and creative thinkers.

In the morning, the speakers listed are:

Kim Workman: Families Commission
‘Early intervention and engagement. Some good
approaches and some better stories’.
Prof Jane Koziol- McLain: AUT
‘Early interventions in Family Violence with women in an
accident and emergency setting’
Warwick Pudney: AUT
‘Time for a paradigm shift in family violence’
Gabrielle Quirke: Police
‘Back to what works: The Taumarunui Whakakotahitanga Couples Project’

In the afternoon – unfortunately because both streams look extremely informative – participants have to choose from either:

Stream A: Skills for working therapeutically with male perpetrators

Inner City group for Men Workshop
A linear CBT model for understanding consequences and intention of violent acts
Dr. Phil Carter AUT
Tapping Group Wisdom
Panel Discussion with Northland Men’s Group
Deepening the Engagement of Men for Change

Stream B: Therapeutic initiatives

Tim Clarke: Restorative Justice Aotearoa
A Restorative approach to addressing family violence
Jim Van Rensburg: Te Piriti
Intensive group therapy within a therapeutic community – a recipe for treatment success in prisons
Gabrielle Quirke: Police
A closer look at the Whakakotahitanga Family Violence Programme run out of Taumarunui Police Station

The day will be opened by Sir Paul Reeves, and he will end it with a Summation.

You can download a Flyer and Booking Form [309 KB pdf] at the N.Z. Violence Prevention Association website.


  1. Transport problems for me 🙂 I note the totally Male violence slant though. Where is the session on violent females?

    Is it possible to receive a copy of procedings electronicly?

    Comment by Alastair — Mon 2nd February 2009 @ 1:49 pm

  2. ok wondering if anyone can give me advise ive had a protection order out on me since last september there was no violence and my ex never accused me of hiting her as we now live in different citys the problem for the ex was she didnt want me contacting her and i kept texting her so she took out a protection order on me. I was meant to go to the non violence program today which i refuse to attend as i feel the order is unjust as some of the things my ex accused me of are untrue and other things are historical events. I guess now i will soon be arrested for not going to the program. Ok I got a email from my ex ill paste it below more or less saying the reasons for her taking the order out on me were not because she was scared of me but she wanted me to stop contacting her and i wouldnt and a protection order was her only choice she was told that by the police. Is this good enough proof the order is unjust to use in court
    if i get arrested or will they breach me because i emailed the ex asking her to drop the order and thats when she replied with the following email
    No but what u don’t understand is that I asked you to stop contacting me and you wouldn’t. I went to the police to see what they could do, they said the only thing you can do is get a protection order so that’s what I did. Not because I thought youd hurt me but there was no other options. I wont tell the police you have emailed but you need to stop doing this. I didn’t know they were going to make you do a course. Can you not just go and then you can avoid jail. Im not going to email again I just wanted you to know why I ended up having to get the protection order
    end of email————————————————-
    What gets me is yes i had a hard time letting go but now in the eyes of the law
    im labeled a women abuser when my ex as shes stated was never in fear of her saftey..

    Comment by michael — Tue 3rd February 2009 @ 5:55 pm

  3. just like to add the reason i did not defend the order becoming permanent is because i now live in auckland the ex in chch the order was taken out in chch which meant to defend it i would have had to fly down to chch.
    I am a solo dad on the dpb
    I could not afford to go flying off to chch to defend it hence stuck with
    the order which makes the whole thing feel even more unjust to me. I had been living in auck about 12 months before the order was taken out Oh and my kids are from another relationship not form the one with the ex thats taken the order out on me.

    Comment by michael — Tue 3rd February 2009 @ 6:03 pm

  4. Do NOT elect not to defend for this reason. In fact it is almost a further reason to defend. You may have to give an undertaking to the court not to contact the applicant, though that’s small cheese. Since when did police have the right to give advice of this nature? Consult someone, Paul catton of the East Auckland Refuge would be a good start. Do it now. To defend all you have to do is file a notice of defence with the family court. No need to offer reasons. You can do that, probably at your nearest family court, but do it urgently. The clock is ticking.

    Comment by Alastair — Tue 3rd February 2009 @ 6:54 pm

  5. Hi Alastair the order has already gone final as i understand it now it is final I have no right of appeal.
    My main concern now is because i failed to attend the non violence program which started today If they arrest me for breaching it is the email
    my ex sent enough to keep me out of jail as the order was used as a tool to end contact between me and the ex as she stated in her email and not because she was in fear of me doing something silly as she stated in her affidavit.
    Shes said one thing to the family court to get a order and now the order is final shes telling me what her true reasons were for taking out the order.
    I guess she never considered the affect stress sleepless nights the order would have on my heath and self esteem.
    I got custody of my kids many years ago after being violently abused by my kids mother I could of at anytime knocked her over but i could not bring myself to hit a women so i took it. I refuse to sit in a group such as a non violence program when i myself have been a survivor of a violent relationship.
    does it make sents to put a victim in with a group of people that my be offenders of a`crime in the same nature of what myself was a victim
    I am male so as it appears to the system i have no feelings and im automatically guilty

    Comment by Michael — Tue 3rd February 2009 @ 7:16 pm

  6. Michael, you need to apply to have the order discharged. Your non-attendance at a course will be seen as non-compliance though so you either need to formally object to attendinbg a course or do one if you don’t want the otder to stay forever.

    Comment by allan Harvey — Tue 3rd February 2009 @ 9:01 pm

  7. So am i likely to be arrested. The police have told me that its luck as to weather or not the courts follow up on failing to attend a program
    are there others out there that have been called to court for failing to do a program. and or are there others that never done a program and it wasnt followed up by the courts. I dont have the money to apply to have it discharged not if it means me appearing in court as the order was failed in christchurch and i now live in auckland I just cant afford to fly down there I have my kids to think about
    school fees uniforms books eg…
    If not having to attend the program ment the order stays for life so be it
    im kind of powerless to change things right now. I dont want to have anything to do with my ex anyway but i refuse to be punished for an unjust sentence

    Comment by Michael — Tue 3rd February 2009 @ 9:28 pm

  8. Michael, you best phone the police and/or the courts in the morning (if you are still here) to see what you can do about this. Maybe even phone the place you are meant to attend.

    The protection order is not just about physical harm. Harassment is valid.

    She has gone to the police so she is serious about you not e-mailing texting and you will get yourself into trouble if you continue. Best give her the space. Life does go on.

    BTW, I understand what you did about going guilty. It is a long way to travel for a court case. I know people who do what you have for the same reasons.

    BTW, I don’t think a protection order is going to give you a bad rap. There are so many men in NZ who have one. It could be unfashionable soon to not have one.
    (just trying to cheer you up)

    Comment by julie — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 1:01 am

  9. I have decided to do nothing
    I will carry on with life as normal and see what happens.
    Protection orders are a unjust law which in my opinion are border line
    breach of ones rights. The fact that something based on hear say can lead
    to being brought before criminal is wrong. It seems these days you cant have a disagreement with anyone without it being classed as abuse.
    and what happened to freedom of speech its more like you can say what you want as long as its something everyone agrees with what your saying.
    Thanks for the advice julie but you will not find me handing myself in to the police if they want me they can come get me. If im arrested the system has failed as being a solo father Its my kids that will suffer not me.
    the system will destroy my family So much for the family courts so called protect on family by destroying another good system huh

    Comment by michael — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 9:42 am

  10. Michael another option is to say that you do not want to attend the course but want to have individual counselling.
    This may save you from being at the beck and call of the DV course providers.
    Doing nothing may come back to haunt you and not be the easiest option.
    Before the PO is discharged the system will want you to agree not to contact your ex and admit that you shouldn’t have.

    Comment by Ken — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 12:30 pm

  11. I had made contact with the course explained that i have social phobia / bipolar said that i would agree to doing one on one but this was in no way an admission of guilt of what my ex accused me of in her affidavit as alot of things she said were simply untrue.but would do one on one as a means to get myself out of the grips of the system. They said i would have to go back to court for this to happen
    Dont no what they mean by back to court i have not been to court as yet.
    If they mean going to court in chch its still impossible as i live in auckland now. I honestly give up I will sit here if im arrested im arrested its out of my control its me that feels hounded and harassed by the system I just want my life back and to beable to move on without fear of arrest Its all really quite depression I cant deal with it no more im done
    I have no transport i very rarely leave the house because of my illness

    Comment by michael — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 12:37 pm

  12. Sorry Michael. I had to scrap my rave of a comment. I know who can help you. I will e-mail you instead.

    Although maybe someone else already has.

    Comment by julie — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 3:39 pm

  13. Thanks for the offer of a lift but im not going anywhere
    Im really past the stage of caring.
    This has stressed me out since the order was taken out in Septemer 08

    If they want to lock me up then lock me up ill die its simple
    i will go on a hunger strike and die

    screw the system and screw relationships Im so over people and
    just want to be left alone

    Comment by Michael — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 4:20 pm

  14. haha and none of the above is true
    which proves my point things such as protection orders and the attached affidavits should not be taken seriously as they are based on hear say.
    If a women is abused and has medical records to prove the fact then by all means a protection order is justified. But in cases were some pussy women feels afraid
    because of what a partner may of said in the heat of the moment then my advise to these women is for god sake harden up. You choose to feel how you feel
    control your fear as it is your fear and your feelings and stop punishing ex partners because you are to weak to control your fears.
    God dam nanny state harden up girls / boys

    Comment by michael — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 4:47 pm

  15. Michael, Hi
    A part from the protection order, think you are lucky. (lucky lucky ) as there are not children between you and your partner.

    I was served my darling protection order in 2008 too in CHCH ( The year of all protection order harvests: the “It is not OK” thing had to succeed. So protection orders were sought after by the system by any means. My ex was threatned by Women’s Refuge with reprisals( remove the children from her if she did not seek a protection order against me ( I have physical proof of this). They scared the hell out of her first then once inside, she was given and read their literature and decided after that to call it quits. She got the house the car the children 2 lawyers etc… (win win situation for her)

    About the violence course: This is designed to break a person (man) ( the lawyer for the child told me that doing the violence course is admittance of being violent). I did it and tried to see it as a way of learning how the system operates ( I wish I have an insider in women’ refuge workings ). At the end of the course the Teacher handed me papers where i needed to write all the benefits of the course and how the DVA is a world marvel: I of course wrote DVA destroys families.

    The whole thing (DVA) is a genuine business enterprise. Judges get to earn their money, lawyers, barnados, womens refuge, psychologist etc. The losers are the children, their dad and ultimately their mum… society.

    I have no advice to give as there are not really any. The system will do every thing to prove they were right in serving you with a protection order and this include pushing you to violence.

    My experrience. I represented my self as I learned early on that no lawyer is prepared to stand against the system. Representing yourself will allow you to learn more about the system and save your money for the children.

    A lots of decisions are made by the court staff and sometimes the judges just sign papers. They do not have time for fairness and justice.

    The lawyers for the child is a second lawyer for the woman.
    The violence that wee see in the streets are a result of DVA.
    The youth perpetrating it and DVA have the same age.
    Good luck Micheal.

    Comment by tren Christchurch — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 6:15 pm

  16. Hay mate thanks for sharing that and wish you the best.
    I hope life becomes better for you and soon


    Comment by Michael — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 6:36 pm

  17. Michael,
    In days gone by i used to facilitate anger management courses.
    I took referrals from the NZ family court……………..
    and I agree with every word Tren wrote to you.

    Comment by Skeptik — Wed 4th February 2009 @ 11:19 pm

  18. Dear Michael,

    I may be able to provide you with data, assistance and a mediating forum that may resolve these issues.
    My preferred contact details are [email protected]

    Paul Catton
    East Auckland Refuge for Men and Families
    09 271 3020

    Comment by Paul Catton — Thu 5th February 2009 @ 8:02 pm

  19. We talk about power and control allot in discussions about domestic violence yet I wonder how much time will be dedicated to discussing the huge power and control elephant in the room……

    the enormous structural power women have in heterosexual relationships which men don’t have?….
    Namely the power to use unsubstantiated accusations and no fault (sic) divorce laws to have a guy unduly evicted, criminalised, stigmatised as being violent and without corroborative evidence sentenced to 20 weeks of periodic detention (anger management ‘counseling’.
    What man in NZ now hasn’t either had to undergo being subjected to such interpersonal and system violence or doesn’t by now know of a male mate/ relative / colleague who has? Very few I’d argue.

    I know of men who report that with this terrible structural imbalance they spend their time in close contact with women in NZ emotionally walking on eggshells.

    Now put youself in the shoes of a typical Kiwi guy for a moment……
    He knows that around women these terrible things can happen to him…at any time…day or night….for no good reason other than the woman was ‘in a mood’…….

    He therefore lives with the horrible and ever present inner tension of knowing these things can happen and it only adds to the chances of his becoming emotionally overwhelmed AND ANGRY by still further tension being applied – nagging, emotional withdrawal, any form of questioning..especially of his self worth………and night and day he is on the defensive……….prone to anger……which he then has to handle carefully or suffer the terrible consequences…….

    It’s the anger management issue suffusing all anger management discussions in NZ NOBODY has given me a satisfactory response to so far.
    It’s the toxic spill of feminist Duluth model politicizing I’m yet to see cleaned up….
    It’s why I don’t have close relationships with women in NZ too.

    Will this dynamic get addressed at all?
    Or will it merely be yet another gabfest where male professionals pat themselves on their collective backs for being good chivalrous chaps which spends the majority of the time allotted on how to ‘treat’ male ‘perpetrators’ and which trundles along blind to this great disadvantage men face in our current DV zeitgiest…….

    tick, tick, tick………

    Comment by Skeptik — Sat 7th February 2009 @ 5:17 am

  20. False allegations of sexual abuse and domestic violence
    formed a malicious foundation so powerful protection orders
    to be used by the sick family court to crush my family.

    The family court is guilty of large scale child abuse.
    Want evidence then talk to my daughters.

    Comment by dad4justice — Tue 10th February 2009 @ 9:47 pm

  21. Update today received 2nd letter form program provider along with a copy of some form that was sent
    by course providers to the courts informing courts i failed to attend program
    and goes on to say they have made another appointment and if i do not show up
    i will be in breach of the protection order and may be summons to court to explain to the court
    why i have not attended program.
    Also says if im convicted for breaching the order i may be sentenced for up to six months jail and or fined 5000 or both.
    This is really destroying my life i spend my days worrying how much longer i have my freedom
    and as a solo dad what will come of my child when im tossed in jail.
    Now i feel angry not so much by nature but the afeats of the protection order on my life
    and state of mind has caused me to feel anger and hate towards a unjust system hell bent on locking me up.

    Comment by Michael — Tue 17th February 2009 @ 9:07 pm

  22. I have reached the stage were i no longer wish to be involved with people what so ever out in my
    day to day life. Any form of relationship with anyone is just to much of a risk as
    it puts me in the position were someone at any time for any reason could take out a protection order
    on me and have my freedom taken from me and destroy my family

    What a great system its wreaked my life for ever. I feel hope less my life and how i see
    the world has changed for ever

    Comment by Michael — Tue 17th February 2009 @ 9:12 pm

  23. i got parent orders just before xmas,i told every one i would do my best,as i wanted to spend time with my baby girl, i could not aford a lawer so had to go with what the ex wanted,i have now lost my job and getting ready to live in a i can not aford morgage. as well as trying to prove my baby is going grow up with out her father and my masive supportive family, and it breaks our hearts.

    Comment by jason — Tue 17th February 2009 @ 10:53 pm

  24. Hi Jason
    You don’t need a lawyer to go to the Family Court.

    I suggest you contact one of the groups listed on our support page and see if they can help.

    This is not a good time to retreat into your cave/tent and hide from the world – visit the bank manager try and sort out your mortgage – organise proper access to your daughter (it will get harder the longer you leave it) – and beware of accumulating Child Support debt (they will no doubt assess you on what you used to earn).

    Comment by JohnPotter — Wed 18th February 2009 @ 12:54 pm

  25. Dear Michael,

    I have given you via personal e-mail, two phone numbers for direct contact.

    Kind Regards

    Paul Catton
    East Auckland refuge for Men and Families.
    (09) 271 3020

    Comment by Paul Catton — Wed 18th February 2009 @ 10:28 pm

  26. Hi paul yip i no that I dont see how you can help me
    but thanks anyway. The process will runs it course ill end up in
    jail they will try force me to attend the program once released
    i would then refuse and be sent back to jail
    I have accepted this is how it is and the system has got me
    I will be going on hunger strikes until im released with each jail
    sentence I will either end up dieing or they will stop hounding me
    and leave me alone.

    I fully accept my fait Be my death on my ex partners head
    because she has done this to me

    Comment by Michael — Wed 18th February 2009 @ 10:42 pm

  27. My last post was a little silly lol
    I dont think id go as far as a hunger strike I wasnt a angry person
    but am now the cause of my anger

    Being slapped with a protection order that i feel is unjust.

    the system has failed it turns decent people into angry mother fuckers

    Comment by michael — Wed 18th February 2009 @ 10:53 pm

  28. Have chilled out alot this morning after posting last night.
    The stress of this hole matter is really testing me
    its like every day could be my last day of freedom.
    Im a little more hope full today after reading a piece
    in the news paper

    from looking at the numbers maybe im worrying to much about being jailed
    only time will tell.

    Comment by michael — Thu 19th February 2009 @ 8:56 am

  29. Micheal- WE ALL KNOW THAT ANGER! We are united here as men who have been there too.
    The best revenge is to GET EVEN
    In your position it is all new,you haven’t been there before, you don’t know how to go about it.
    Others HAVE, and DO KNOW how to kick the system back.
    Please take John Potter’s advice, call Paul, or get to Menscentre-
    Nobody notices the roadkill of the system
    They DO notice the times that they get humiliated by a resourceful father.

    Roadkill or Revenge- your choice.

    Comment by John Brett — Thu 19th February 2009 @ 8:56 am

  30. ATT:Paul Catton

    Hay paul please stop emailing and ringing me or ill take a protection order out on you haha
    No seriously Please stop contacting me ive decided that if i have to do jail time
    then thats what i have to do over this matter

    I would just like to be left alone now thanks

    Comment by Michael — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 12:50 am

  31. Hey Michael we are men, we deal with things ourselves in our own way, the system is against us and the injustice of it all is simply emotional terrorism. Do what you think is best for you, get reall angry, women could never deal with what we have to go through

    Whatever you do legal or illegal, men here will understand. I am always amazed that MOST men just don’t go out and kill these women who have brought about such unjust terror to us.

    Comment by OnceInALifeTime — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 9:53 am

  32. 99.9 percent of us dont go out and kill them why because there is a big difference
    between the type of person that would kill someone and the average joe that
    feels his hurt expresses it by words then sooner or latter lets it go without
    taking action towards expressing his feelings. His out let is words
    but these days the system deems that to be abuse, And this is were most people i think
    are wrongly said to need anger management. We all express feelings anger eg in our own way
    who is to say that there way eg DV programs is better then my way or yours.
    Anger hurt eg… is a normal human emotion its part of what makes us human.
    Sadly we not longer have the right to express our feelings in what ever manner works
    for us instead some tosser has decided there way is the only way to express anger hurt
    eg… and we will be punished until we conform to there standards or we will be
    hounded harassed jailed or pushed to suicide even violent because as Men we
    fight to be who we are and not who they the system want us to me.
    I say the systems Fucked run by bunch of toss nuts and are out of touch with the real world

    Comment by Michael — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 12:24 pm

  33. I bet that there would not be to many humans out there that at some point in there
    lifes in a moment of anger and hurt that have not thought along the lines or even said
    some thing like fuck i wish that prick was dead or i feel like killing that person eg..
    or at least thought it
    Just because in the heat of the moment one may say or feel such things
    does not make one a murderer and it does not mean that one would go murder
    whom ever they are thinking of at the time.
    There is only one type of person that kills and thats someone that goes and kills not
    just lets out his hurts with extreme words of hurt. Its like if i said i want to kill that
    prick if you read between the lines what im really saying by saying such things is
    along the lines of im really hurting here or i feel real angry towards so and so right now. saying ing
    i want to kill someone is like using the word kill as and extreme way of expressing your hurt
    its like its used as a shock factor because it gets attention its like saying hear me this is how deep this has cut me.
    Shore there are other ways to deal with feelings but fuck aye i reserve the right to be me
    and handle things the way i see fit for me. Not what a bunch of toss nut money grabbing
    wing nuts such as DV providers say i must or must not do.
    I think we take to much shit in new zealand maybe one day we will rise up against this goverment .,system take up arms and over throw this bull shit system. Till that day comes we face more of this forced control on our rights to be who we are

    Comment by Michael — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 12:46 pm

  34. Michael (replies #31 and 32): Remember that it is specifically against the law to threaten to kill. I knew someone who was imprisoned for 9 months for saying “I’ll kill you…”. A better way to express anger is to say “I’m feeling angry”, avoiding any threats of violence. I agree with you though that when someone says “I’m feeling angry” in a somewhat raised voice, it is unjust to then treat them as if they are being violent. That, sadly, is where the DVA has taken us.

    Comment by Hans Laven — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 2:40 pm

  35. I am not making threats to kill i am just trying to explain
    that just because one may say such things it does not mean that they intend to kill

    Comment by Michael — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 2:59 pm

  36. If i had a gun or say knife ,baseball bat in my had and then said i want to kill blah blah
    then that would be a true threat no an empty threat ya no what im saying

    Comment by Michael — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 3:01 pm

  37. WEll this will be my last post. I can see myself getting into the shite
    for expressing my opinions next ill have the S.I.S after me
    thinking im going to start some kind of armed uprising or something silly
    like that hahaha
    Its been fun I guess as someone who posted said
    Im going to end up road kill lol so be it Once you get past the fear
    and accept you may end up doing jail time its not at all stressfull or scary
    as im taking to time to make arrangements to make shore my kids have somewhere to go
    and my affairs are in order.
    Interesting website really enjoyed talking crap
    Its been fun good luck to all you guys going through the same bullshit as me
    On wards and UP wards

    Comment by Michael — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 3:18 pm

  38. You just have to be careful that’s all, your IP address is normally treaceable, so it is best to use public internet, or hide your IP address using special software. Police and other government officials will use “terrorism” laws more and more to monitor everyone. Website owners are subpoenaed for data

    Michael, after such emotional terror, you and all men like us, will never be the same again, the injustice of all the anti-male laws enforced by mainly male policemen. It is all just terrible, we sll know, only you yourself know what you must do to get out of it all.

    Comment by OnceInALifeTime — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 6:22 pm

  39. Michael,
    I feel your anger and pain.
    Don’t give into the enemy mate.
    In solidarity

    Comment by dad4justice — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 8:01 pm

  40. Hi Michael
    Some of us women are feeling the pain of what you are going through right now.

    Comment by Rosie — Sat 21st February 2009 @ 10:52 pm

  41. Can someone tell me how i take my name off the mailing list for this site.

    It has some good stuff on it but im starting to notice a trend that i dont like.

    Its very anti women I do not hate women Its the laws that they have given to use
    against males that i have a problem with. Not all females are nasty bitter tarts
    To say that would be to say all males are women abusers

    Comment by michael — Tue 24th February 2009 @ 10:57 am

  42. I am sorry Michael you choose to become part of the problem. As there are a few females, who, forwhatever reason choose to denigrate the whole of the male gender, so there are men, so hurt who blame every female for their misfortunes. None of us are perfect. There was only ever one man who walked this earth who was perfect – and he got nailed for it about 2000 years ago.

    The anti female bias you (Rightly) perceive comes from badly hurt men. The best way we can help is by standing together, encouraging one another. When wild animals prowl it is always the prey on the edge of or straying away from the main group who become victim. The best place for those in pain (Physical or emotional) is in the heart of the group, protected by its members.

    I hope that you will reconsider. There are other groups, the most apparant is Pauls-news ( ) There is nothing wrong with MENZ. it takes a little time & effort to get to know the people. e.g. I have never met Julie. I do know her as a strong and articulate supporter of our efforts. I always listen and consider what she says.

    Comment by Alastair — Tue 24th February 2009 @ 11:58 am

  43. Unsubscribe from receiving posts here:

    To unsubscribe from receiving comments, click the link at the bottom of the email.

    Comment by JohnPotter — Tue 24th February 2009 @ 12:41 pm

  44. YEah sorry i dont mean to knock the site, I should no better then to judge
    given ive done my fear share of moaning by posting.
    And it is a good way to get your feelings out and it has helped me feel
    way better about my situation no matter what happens to me I no now
    i can cope with it.


    Comment by michael — Tue 24th February 2009 @ 4:49 pm

  45. just want to update this so if there are any other guys wondering what happens when you decide not
    to attend the DV program Im am now on 3rd and final warning from program provides.
    If I dont which i ant going to if i dont show up for last appointment they said they
    will withdraw me from the program and the courts notified. and that i will have breached the protection order.
    States I may be summons does not state i will be summons but says MIGHT lol
    So my guess is if im not summons in the next 3 to 4 weeks then i can get on with life.
    If summoned i could be sentenced to up to 6 months jail or 5k fine and or both.
    if i dont have a good excuse to give the judge but i feel i have a valid excuse
    back up by a medical certificate so think im pretty sweet either way.
    you just got to not let the system get to u if you learn to handle the threat of being tossed into jail then your sweet as

    Comment by michael — Wed 25th February 2009 @ 11:02 pm

  46. It’s astonishing and appalling how little a woman gets punished compared to a man in the NZ ‘justice’ system.
    Check out this
    and while your at it ask yourself what sentence would a man likely get for attempted murder and perjury?

    Can’t you just hear the bullshit PC excuses – she was under stress, she came from a disadvantaged background etc?

    One more thing –
    would someone please report the outcome/s of the Symposium?

    Comment by skeptik — Thu 26th February 2009 @ 12:31 pm

  47. My ex-wife was ordered by the Family Caught to do an Anger Management Course, Drug & Alcohol Counseling and was ordered to be examined by a psychiatrist.

    She completed two Anger Management sessions and on the third told her
    counselor that she felt that she would receive better counseling with her
    Drug & Alcohol counselor. She never attended further sessions with her Drug
    & Alcohol counselor after providing them with a drug free urine sample that
    she had managed to get from our 15 year old daughter and pass it off as her
    own. She never went back to the psychologist after her first session.

    I won custody of our children. She didn’t care and neither did the authorities
    apparently. I’m sure that you should not be treated any differently.

    Incidentally: My ex-wife, of 7 years ago, has managed to accumulate three
    further Protection Orders against three more men since I left her. The system
    helps her remain a permanent victim. My daughters are fortunate enough to
    be strong, secure and confident young women who don’t want to raise their sons
    in New Zealand. I don’t want my son to live in this society either and have
    plans to emigrate somewhere that treats its citizens equally. My daughters
    have already expressed a strong desire to do follow with their families.
    We’re considering our options.

    If my ex-wife can refuse to complete her Anger Management Course without
    impunity then so can you Michael. I know this because we live in an equal
    society. There ya have it!

    Comment by Wayne — Thu 26th February 2009 @ 5:41 pm

  48. I so understand what your saying about living in another country.
    I Lived in Melbourne for a couple of years when i was younger I remember
    feeling so free it was like nothing ive felt before,
    not being controlled by the state as i feel living in nz.
    Leave mate do it I would to but my situation doesnt allow me to but if i had
    the money id be on the next plane out.

    Comment by Michael — Thu 26th February 2009 @ 10:01 pm

  49. Im starting to feel that the real abuser here Is

    THE SYSTEM ,pushing us to conform to the systems vision of how we should be

    Comment by michael — Thu 26th February 2009 @ 10:07 pm

  50. The real abuser here is my ‘spellcheck’ and my apathy towards proof reading.
    The other real abuser ensures that almost ½ of all of the children that
    they purport to protect are relabeled as BAD the moment they reproduce.

    Comment by Wayne — Fri 27th February 2009 @ 6:32 am

  51. I do not much care for spell check as you may have noticed lol
    Way i see it if people can understand what im saying be it spelt right or WONG lol
    its all gud

    Comment by michael — Fri 27th February 2009 @ 10:25 am

  52. We all just have to realise that because we are male we are guilty of everything.

    Comment by Scott — Fri 27th February 2009 @ 10:30 am

  53. When i was in a violent relationship with my sons mother I recall one time having to call the police as she had become violent and started smashing my house up while she was over visiting my son.
    It was my house she did not live there and was only there as a day visit my son was aged just over 9 months. The police came in and started treating me even no i had made the complaint
    they were almost about to drag me out of the house Being the male in the situation
    it appeared to me that they seen me as the aggressor the only thing that saved me from being
    arrested for being a Male was the ex punched one of the cops in the face. Took the two of them to control her. They then removed her from the house. You know what really gets me the cop she hit took a really forcefully punch in the face from my ex and the cops never charged her with assault.
    Why was she never charged The only reason i can see is because shes female if it had of been a male you can bet that he would have been locked up and charged. If the ex didnt assault the cops that day i would have been arrested for being male as this situation proved to me its the male automatically seen as guilty of any domestic violent s

    Comment by michael — Fri 27th February 2009 @ 11:34 am

  54. I have emailed the Office of Hon Simon Power – Minister of Justice
    pointing out the areas within the protection orders law that I feel are unjust and
    need amending I received a letter back saying they will look into my concerns.

    Am i just being flogged off ??? it cant be that easy to bring about change could it
    What other steps can one take to bring about change within the system ???
    Ideas ???????????????????

    Comment by michael — Fri 27th February 2009 @ 2:40 pm

  55. Did you put in a submission to the Justice and Electoral
    Select Committee due today? I wonder how many from this
    group submitted?

    Comment by dad4justice — Fri 27th February 2009 @ 3:20 pm

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