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Media release: Positive Men outraged at TradeMe auction trivialising domestic violence

Filed under: Domestic Violence,General — Darryl Ward @ 2:41 pm Mon 27th February 2012

Positive Men has expressed outrage that TradeMe is selling an item that trivialises and makes fun of domestic violence.

The item is a “choking husband toy’. The seller says, “This is a toy that you will get a kick out of and it really helps if you angry with your partner or husband. You press his hand and he says something bad about you and then you can put your hand around his neck and he pokes his tongue out like he is choking and his legs start kicking and he changes his words to compliment you he is real funny “¦ “

(sic). See:

Positive Men says it is totally unacceptable that domestic violence is being trivialised and made fun of in this manner, and calls upon TradeMe to immediately stop the auction of this offensive item.

Positive Men understands The Warehouse may also have been selling this item, and it will be following this up separately.


Spokesperson for Positive Men:
Darryl Ward
[My contact details]


  1. If people want to complain about this listing to TradeMe, they may do so here:

    Comment by Darryl Ward — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 2:43 pm

  2. Complaint lodged
    Simply put if was a strangle your wife toy how long do you think it would be on the shelves ?
    This is disgusting

    Comment by Mr cellophane — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 2:51 pm

  3. Agreed..complaint also made to Trade Me

    Comment by Tony Clear — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 3:04 pm

  4. Complaints must be made everywhere possible. I suggest Darryl deserves commendation at taking the initiative to shelve this offensive type of item. If the Genders were reversed (The test for being sexist) how long before some “Feminist Group” would be bleating their heads off and demanding meetings with the CEO?

    Comment by Gwaihir — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 3:11 pm

  5. Dear Darryl, I value your energy, but I don’t see what you are objecting about. Sure it is tasteless, but so much of our commerce and entertainment is too.

    Maybe we should be buying tens of thousands of these dolls and giving them to our adolescent men?

    In my own boring opinion, allowing “judges” to cutoff access between a father and children isn’t just tasteless, but dangerous relationship vandalism.

    I believe that we should be vigorously attacking the ignorant people who pass poorly researched legislation and also fail to monitor its subsequent implementation for perverse effects. We are our own worst enemies.

    Perhaps we could manufacture some of these dolls, with different judges faces on them?
    When they are squeezed, what would we make them say? Maybe “I fucked lots of men today!”

    Have fun with your toys.. I suspect that we need more safer toys and also put more care into our relationships between us, to help us protect our mental health from the traitors among us…..
    Best regards, MurrayBacon.

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 3:15 pm

  6. Or maybe an evil faced Boshier saying ‘don’t fuck with me! I’ve got your kids.’

    Comment by Down Under — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 3:36 pm

  7. Kiaora e Murray

    There are many different issues of concern to men and fathers.

    I have chosen to focus on two: pastoral care for men; and promoting positive representation of men in the media.

    These are more than enough to occupy me.

    I know there are many other other issues, such as the family court, but there are plenty of other men working in those areas.

    If we all try to do everything, we will end up achieving nothing.

    Ka kite


    Comment by Darryl Ward — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 4:22 pm

  8. I am really astonished why don’t we simply start rioting against those femenist and start a revolution to save our country? Do you think police or army will stop us? WRONG! They are men and they will support us and join us.
    Better live like a lion for one day instead of living like a rabbit for 1000 years. Time to stop the goverment corruption and destroying of our families and portraying the straight man as the enemy, no we will not turn into gays, you just envy us and want to destroy us and WE WILL FIGHT BACK because we are MEN OF NEW ZEALAND!

    Comment by Greg — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 4:48 pm

  9. For all men writing here, you really have to stop expressing your anger in a smooth and polite way, not anymore, you must realize that those feminist want you DEAD, yes, for them the good man is a DEAD MAN.

    Comment by Greg — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 5:24 pm

  10. Dear Greg, dead but still paying taxes…… someone has to pay for benefits and hospital services
    Cheers, MurrayBacon – axe murderer.

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Mon 27th February 2012 @ 6:38 pm

  11. On Morning Report this morning:
    A male doll that can be choked as a punishment has outraged a men’s group, which say the doll trivalises domestic violence.

    You can listen to the item here:'s-group.asx

    Please remember to complain about this listing to TradeMe if you feel strongly about it:

    Comment by Darryl Ward — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 8:02 am

  12. A joy to hear mean standing up for them selves. My complaint is in!

    Comment by Gwaihir — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 8:20 am

  13. Well done Darryl and I really like the Positive Men name and logo. I have now complained to Trademe also, and I am commencing auctions for a ‘Choking Wife Toy’, ‘Choking African-American Toy’, ‘Choking Muslim Toy’ and ‘Choking Maori Toy’. We’ll see how long it takes Trademe to act against discrimination when it’s against someone other than men!

    Comment by Hans Laven — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 9:43 am

  14. Love it Hans, send em up. Who were one of the first Hitler banned? The comedians!

    Comment by Gwaihir — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 9:48 am

  15. If one person (but not more) would please complaint to Trademe about my listings, this would help. If Trademe responds by removing my listings this will show up Trademe’s duplicity and gender discrimination.

    Comment by Hans Laven — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 10:13 am

  16. We possibly are better out of it. Hone or Tama, will possibly have a go about one, we see how long it takes the other groups to wake up.

    Comment by Gwaihir — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 10:17 am

  17. I was phoned by a representative of TradeMe this morning. We had an interesting and generally constructive conversation.

    I was told that TradeMe did not make moral judgments concerning what could be sold on its site. I pointed out that it actually does, and gave the example of nazi memorabilia, which is banned on TradeMe.

    I also asked her if TradeMe would allow the sale of a ‘strangle your wife’ doll on its site. She said it would. However, she did advise that TradeMe would be contacting the seller of the ‘choke your husband’ doll and asking if she would re-list it in the R18 section.

    I believe TradeMe will cancel the auction if it continues to receive complaints.

    The item in question is listed here:

    Complaints may be made here:

    Comment by Darryl Ward — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 11:27 am


    I have just been advised TradeMe is removing the listing.

    PLEASE do take the time to contact TradeMe and thank them for doing this.

    Ka kite


    Comment by Darryl Ward — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 11:35 am

  19. Pretty poor taste really. Good on your guys for making a complaint and getting in the media. I have to say feminism is a broad ‘church’ I consider my self both pro-men and a feminist. I just believe in equal rights for both men and women.

    I found this toy offensive as a person who thinks sexism (of men or women) and domestic violence (of men or women) isn’t a joke. Anyway after hearing the news report on national radio I made a complaint to trademe – along with others like positive men – and I got a reply saying they are pulling the item. I’ll be complaining to the Warehouse next, any suggestions of other places to complain.

    Bad message to be putting out there.
    Men are important in society and there are plenty of men who are great part of NZ society whether in a role as a father, husband /partner or just as a man. Anyway thats my 2cents worth and just wanted to say thanks.

    Comment by Rosie — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 11:37 am

  20. Glad to welcome you on board Rosie. I think we need people like you 🙂

    Comment by JS — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 4:16 pm

  21. And a successful complaint!

    Reply from Trade me:

    Thanks for reporting the listing for: CHOKING HUSBAND ANGER MANAGEMENT FUN ADULT TOY.

    The Trade Me Customer Support Team have reviewed the listing and has deemed that it is in breach of our terms and conditions. As a result the listing has been removed from the site.

    Thank you for bringing this listing to our attention and making Trade Me a better place to buy and sell.

    Happy trading

    Trade Me Customer Support

    Welcome also Rosie, you may like to check out positive men on Faccebook.

    Unlike some groups, Positive men in general welcome the support from ladies!

    Comment by Gwaihir — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 4:29 pm

  22. I informed Trademe of my listings for a ‘Choking Wife Toy’ and ‘Choking African-American Toy’, and that I intended listing a ‘Choking Muslim Toy’ and ‘Choking Maori Toy’. It didn’t take them long to remove my listings informing me that the first two goods were not permitted to be sold on Trademe, claiming that they were on their banned list. Sadly, I suspect Trademe would have ignored many more complaints about the choking husband toy but could not tolerate the choking wife one etc so felt obliged to remove the husband one too. That’s the world we live in now. Rather than thanking Trademe for removing the husband listing I believe they deserve ongoing criticism for being so slow to act compared with the items likely to offend other groups. Nevertheless, the outcome and associated publicity was positive and I congratulate Darryl Ward and Positive Men for their vigilance and initiative.

    This was the wording of the original listing:

    This is a toy that you will get a kick out of and it really helps if you angry with your partner or husband. You press his hand and he says something bad about you and then you can put your hand around his neck and he pokes his tongue out like he is choking and his legs start kicking and he changes his words to compliment you he is real funny I bought him at the warehouse and I have taken the batteries out of it and he has just sat on a shelf with his original box in great condition and it works fine. Comes from a smoke free home, feel free to ask any questions. If you like this one I also have one that is a boss and also a chicken one that both do the same thing so take a look at my other auctions.

    I copied and adapted this wording for two further listings as follows:

    This is a toy that you will get a kick out of and it really helps if you angry with your partner or wife. She is real funny. I made her by drawing her on an empty bottle with an arrow for where you can strangle her and imagine her poking her tongue out and struggling while she tries to scream in pain, then making appeasing compliments to you as a member of the superior gender. Comes from a smoke free home, feel free to ask any questions. If you like this one I also have one that is a Muslim and also a Maori and African-American one that do the same thing so take a look at my other auctions.

    This is a toy that you will get a kick out of and it really helps if you angry with an African-American neighbour, work colleague, street beggar or burglar. He is real funny. I made him by drawing him on an empty bottle with an arrow for where you can strangle him and imagine him poking his tongue out and struggling while he tries to scream in pain, then making appeasing compliments to you as a superior white person. Comes from a smoke free home, feel free to ask any questions. If you like this one I also have one that is a Muslim and also a Maori one that both do the same thing so take a look at my other auctions.

    And, for the record, here is my complaint to Trademe about the choking husband toy:

    On behalf of The Ministry of Men’s Affairs I wish to complain against the listing of the ‘Choking Husband Toy’ (Listing #: 451973708). We believe it breaches your Terms and Conditions section 4.2e which reads “You must not list anything that is illegal, offensive (including anything of a defamatory, pornographic, or racially or ethnically objectionable nature)”. Clearly, this item is offensive to many people. The Ministry of Men’s Affairs membership finds the item offensive because it trivializes and promotes the serious problem of female against male domestic violence and domestic violence generally. The Ministry does not generally support censorship and would not oppose this item if it were acceptable to sell a ‘Choking Wife Toy’, ‘Choking African-American Toy’ or ‘Choking Muslim Toy’, but because those versions would be quickly seen as socially unacceptable we find the ‘Choking Husband Toy’ offensive. The Ministry believes Trademe would respond immediately by removing listings for a ‘Choking African-American Toy’ and other versions of this listing, and we are disgusted that Trademe has not moved immediately to remove this listing in response to complaints already received. The Ministry now accuses Trademe of gender discrimination against men and of condoning violence against men. The Ministry of Men’s Affairs urges Trademe to provide a remedy by immediately removing Listing #: 451973708.

    Comment by Hans Laven — Tue 28th February 2012 @ 4:40 pm

  23. Hans Laven Men in all developed Countries need your pro activity and reasoning! As a female I am so tired of seeing double standards and blatant lack of respect and understanding towards Males.
    The more exposure and pressure we put on the people and groups that perpetuate this behaviour the sooner we will live in an equal society.
    Keep up the good work!

    Comment by Stephanie Glass — Wed 29th February 2012 @ 5:48 pm

  24. hi..its hard to express myself…but i dont know where to get help…my wife is a voilent and abusive.she been hitting me from 3 years now….its happens sometime once in month or sometime more often…whenever i dont agree with her she gets angry and start accusing me if i answer her back she hits me…tear my shirts…break my things.she has broken many of my phone ,two time laptop and car etc.she use them as threat if i dont do what she want.i have called police sometime whn she has beaten me but didnt charge her that time…she promised me she will change and get help but nothing happen.she even hit me front of her nurse.she gets loud and voilence.i just try to keep her quite.i told her i want to get divorse but she doesnt listen and doesnt care what i say.she blackmales me.i am not new zealand citisen.she is a new zealand.she tells me she will make me kicked out of new zealand if i leave she tells me i used her.i loved her but it doesnt mean she will hit me whole my life.i even think sometime to end my life.she punches me while i am driving.if i get kicked out of one country it will destroyed my life.i wll have no future.i paid her all expenses when she had now she has job but spend her money in 2 days thn she threats me to buy her stuffs.i dont know what to one will believe me what i am going through.

    Comment by rav — Mon 12th March 2012 @ 9:22 pm

  25. I have much empathy with that statement. Have you any contact with others of your culture. Much support can be found there.

    Comment by Gwaihir — Mon 12th March 2012 @ 9:36 pm

  26. @rav – Malignant narcissism is a choice and caused by addiction to power and control. Usually either through sex or money. Emotional terrorism. The addiction is to neurotransmitters which make us happy. Just that some people are happy manipulating and hurting others.

    It’s a choice – or at least starts out that way early in life. As people with this problem make decisions based upon the reinforcement of the feeling of happiness which the neurotransmitters give them after they hurt other people, they need more control and more power and abuse more to get the feeling.

    Like addiction to a drug. Each time the addict requires more drug to make them feel high because they become habituated to the previous smaller dose.

    These are choices they make. As they age from childhood or adelescence into adulthood and beyond, they become more addicted and require a greater dose and it becomes harder for them to “change” and stop the behavior because it’s all they know and have had little or no experience with being responsible or taking responsibility for their behavior. People like this never (NEVER!) get better with age. Even under the best of circumstances.

    When this behavior is enabled and rewarded by a feminist government which promotes a culture of chronic victimhood, instead of punishing the behavior, the problem becomes even worse because there are no consequences for people like this who behave this way.

    And women particularly have no “internal locus”. They aren’t in control of their own behavior to start with. They operate on external cues – their locus is “external”. You cannot change someone like this. The only option is escape.

    Unfortunately, many men like you and me have found out the hard way that with a huge government enabling and rewarding this behavior, escape comes at a great price (as the government punishes us if we try to escape but punishes us if we don’t).

    But it is often lower than cost of your own life. My wife tried to kill me many times in our marriage. Stabbed me in the back once with a pair of butcher knives. I have been told by many psychiatric professionals that had there been a gun in the house instead of knives, I would likely already be dead. Guns are more lethal than knives.

    The characteristics of malignant narcissism (which is what feminism is institutionalized throughout politics, law, society and finance) are: solipsism, parasitism, opportunism, predation, manipulation, lack of personal responsibility, shallow affect, addiction (particulary sexual addiction), inability to make long-range plans, compulsive pathological lying, etc…

    People with these qualities do not love anyone. They only use them to prop up their delusions and fantasies. They are completely out of touch with reality and often experience psychotic episodes.

    My advice: get out fast even if you have to leave NZ because at least you’ll be alive. Do NOT have children with her. Many women like this coerce men into having children so they can use them as weapons against the men (think child support and parntal alienation).

    Comment by Darryl X — Tue 13th March 2012 @ 4:12 am

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