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Filed under: General — Mikey @ 10:53 pm Sun 2nd February 2014

Some of you may remember me. I am the dad that wrote about parent alienation, three years ago. Two of my daughters were at the stage of not wanting to see me, so instead of loosing all and being hunted down by the IRD like a pig on the chase, I left for Australia to build a new life for myself. It took a year for me to overturn the CAPS order that the ex had placed on my kids passport, so that my youngest at least could come and visit. These CAPS orders can be placed within a day, but to remove them takes months. You need a lawyer for child and a court hearing.
Anyway, I have moved on. My daughter sees me every holiday and she has integrated well into my new family. My older daughters have never come right.
I haven’t seen a photo of them over three years. Every attempt of contact or goodwill has been met with hostility.
I find myself stalking the internet through friend of friends to see a glimpse of them, with no success. They go under pseudonyms and secret walls and when I ask my youngest daughter, she would protect them by honouring their privacy rights.
I am not the only one. There are many parents that are abused by their kids. Birthdays and Christmas’s are hard, especially when your call is rejected. You may be called by your first name or an arsehole, or worse, whilst their mother sits besides them and gloats.
I hope that one day the word empathy can bring meaning to them and I hope that one day their children will do the same, so that they know how much it hurts. It’s been years, I have lost count. I am dead to them and I have become the stalker, their father. I remember their young faces but that’s all.


  1. Only people sick in the head who don’t love their children would do this to their own kids and the same goes for the corrupt police and judges who are their accessories.

    I know exactly how you feel dude. There is nothing worse you can do to kids and a loving parent than prevent them from protecting that child and turn them against them.
    Don’t know what we can do short of educating the ignorant public and picketing family court and public places.
    We need to band together.
    I have never hit or raised my voice or imposed my will on anyone especially my wife and she still got a Protection Order and is holding my kids hostage without ANY COMMUNICATIONS allowed between the children and me. The system is full of self serving money grabbing hypocrites.

    Comment by Sane in an insane world — Sun 2nd February 2014 @ 11:12 pm

  2. Same here. Haven’t seen the kids in years now. Had to stop sending emails since the mother was replying as if she was my daughter. Sends cards and gifts and get no reply any more.

    Am planning to leave the country this year. Start a new life as well.

    What can one say.

    Comment by Toast — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 6:49 am

  3. 5 years and counting here.

    Comment by Scott B — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 6:57 am

  4. i am in the same position, my ex say to my oldest that i am not allow contact with my youngest so she blocked my cell number on her youngest cell which is false, so i have lunch with my youngest at school.
    for xmas I got my old wedding ring made into 2 heart pendants as my ring had 3 diamonds it so I put a diamond in each, on the inside of the box glued a message.
    “This gold was formed in to a ring to sybolise the great love I had for your mother. Now it has been reformed into a pendant, to symbolise my continuing love for you my precious daughter.

    I hope as you wear this pendant, you will come to know how much I continue to love and care for you.”

    my lawyer is setting up counseling with my girls and hope the truth comes out,

    I agree we need show public whats happening to fathers

    Comment by Aaron Bell — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 7:08 am

  5. Same old crap here 2 and a half years fighting over rubbish , saw my ex at a settlement conference on Friday at Henderson family court told the judge that “the family court had allowed my ex wife to manipulate put in false statements and blatantly steal my son and my personal property using biased untested lies” ,,,,ended up settling the property at a huge loss just to get that outta the way as lawyers costing too much, and so I could start trying to get some contact with my son, ,

    Tried to bring the subject of my missing / alienated son up to her lawyer and he said “oh there’s another lawyer handling that matter”

    Tried to say to my ex wife at the conference table, can we sort seeing my son out amicably now that you just got a whole heap of money for screwing me over ?

    her reply was, “I,m not trying to stop you from seeing our son ”

    my reply was “but that’s exactly what’s happened”

    her reply “you can see him this afternoon if you like”

    my reply “how would I do that ?”

    Her reply She walks out of the room storm off …………..

    Back to trying to contact her through her lawyers and wait a few more years for the family court….

    What a freeken joke, sorry to hear that this is normal and can see exactly the same rubbish happening with my youngest 🙁

    If I even try to contact my son or even send anything, guess what

    That’s a breech of a bull protection order

    Not because I don,t love my son or want to see him but because I am not getting arrested for nothing,,

    F.U family court.

    Comment by Dominic Dilligaf — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 8:19 am

  6. yes it is so common, wish we could show the world what is happening.
    Just never give up write letter and keep them close there be a time when the truth comes out and you can past them on, they see you never gave up loving them

    Comment by Aaron Bell — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 8:47 am

  7. I’m awaiting a criminal hearing for beating my children. Of course I did nothing of the kind but didnt stop the detective from arresting me after asking I come in for a friendly chat. He was a real prick. Apparently I kicked my son on the ground yet there was no physical evidence of injury and my partner was there the whole time but apparently her evidence is worth nothing.

    I have also been charged with non specific smacking of both my children (thks Sue Bradford) So how do I suppose to get a fair trial? The two key witnesses are living with the mother who has coerced them into making up these stories, they ignore a grown adults statement that nothing occurred and have no physical evidence.

    I have requested a full trial by my peers and hopefully a couple of them have been through a divorce with children.

    I think the world has going crazy. I just wish we could warn young men of the perils that await them when they commit to the dream of a wife and family.

    Comment by Ritche — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 9:13 am

  8. we need country to see the truths, problem is women rights have gone to far.
    courts need see both sides of the coin but it said to say they only read 1 side because there is a stereotype that man are the problem and violent.
    wish campbell live could do a story on the problem as kids need there fathers as the fathers need there children

    Comment by Aaron Bell — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 9:25 am

  9. We had children with these women and when there is a divorce and all the relationship property has been split, our children are the only thing that there is left to share. Unfortunately for some woman they will not share, no matter what the cost. They go on a mission to make you into a villain to your children and the authorities, with protection orders, Caps orders, Ird child support, tax investigations…you name it.
    When the fathers leave the country, because they have lost everything, including their children, then they bitch and moan on national TV and question why the dads don’t pay child support and why they don’t love their kids. These woman put our children to bed at night, gas bagging their fathers at every opportunity and eventually the children believe that their fathers have abandoned them. Anger builds in the heart of these children.. Children have trust in their mothers and will believe the lies.
    These woman have an obligation as per law, the guardianship act, to keep the fathers in the loop. Where is the punishment for that? Where is the law when children dishonour their father? It’s a sin isn’t it.

    Comment by Mikey — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 9:50 am

  10. yes it is a sin and when they are proven that they have commitment purger they are never punished nor accountable for it, yes it is unfair system but what are we going to do about it so the next generation doesn’t loose their fathers , when are we going to break the chain.
    yes there are bad fathers but there alot of good fathers that out weigh the bad that have lost there children that cry countless nights for them.
    lets go to MPs and who every we can share the story and bring it before parliament let people hear the stories of what happen and even punishing them not only will it let people hear the voice but also encourage other fathers on the way.
    we can moan on groan all day but if there is no action then it pointless, don’t fight the ex and give her more ammo talk to the system and let them see the truth.
    when kids come back don’t do what she did to you show you are a better person, they have had enough from there mother

    Comment by Aaron Bell — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 10:41 am

  11. My two daughters don’t cry for me. I am black as sin to them, all the bad mouthing over the years have sunk in. They view me in the eyes of their mother, an abuser. That was the planned outcome and she succeeded.
    Now that the kids are almost 18, they have lost 6 years without a father. Who is to blame for this?
    Yes, fingers are pointing at me… For me having had a fit, because their mother allowed them facial piercings and a tongue stud at fourteen? Or is it that I had a fit that she allowed them to quit school at sixteen? Yes, I had a shit fit, which most fathers would, but because of that I was cut off from their contact details for almost a year and still have the nz ird calling me on my mobile for money.
    Some parents will set you up to make you look like an abuser to justify protection orders.

    Comment by Mikey — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 10:55 am

  12. yes they would and my ex falsely got protection order against me she sent many txts massages to call her and reply even at xmas time a very sexual txt, never answered them instead i gave to lawyer but they did nothing later found she was friends of ex lawyer.
    my ex send letters and calls lawyer for child and access me and never calls me to find truth and makes decisions going against my daughters wishies , he even refuses to pass to lawyer and courts letters she has sent

    Comment by Aaron Bell — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 11:03 am

  13. Mikey as people keep saying to me hope for your kids to come but hope they see the truth never stop hoping, but when they do forgive as it isn’t them that did it, it is a result of your ex. Instead open your arms and let them in.

    Get on with your life enjoy your life be example to your children , yes it hurts i cry most days thinking of my girls but i live in hope for them.
    I sorry it isn’t much and doesn’t heal the pain but know you can always open up to other guys

    Comment by Aaron Bell — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 11:29 am

  14. Over 20 years and counting….

    Comment by Skeptic — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 12:33 pm

  15. ten years of hell …… my only crime – wanting to see my own child….. this process of preventing you from seeing your odl child / children – is deliberate ….. parental alienation is a tool of the trade for lawyers and the justice system…..
    That is why they have made it impossible to complain – human rights commission will not take complaints – the fix is in so you are locked into a payment regime to justify massive child support debt….

    1.5 years ago, we received horrible letters from the child – addressed to my parents, ( child grandparents ) to my wife and to me – all pouring out the vitriol of the narcissistic child abusing mother – who has two psychological reports on her for severely harming the child – family courts ignore this and do nothing – these letters and their content were hard to stomach – but you have to keep reminding yourself its not the kid – that is not how she feels about us – we knew this……….

    Interesting we see the child – who turns 13 and decides she wants to see us this xmas – and you could not get a more loving, caring kid, excited to see us, happy to be in our care – nothing at all like was portrayed in this letters to us……

    This is the sort of forced extortion these wankers in the family court circus are forcing on good people – good parents – it needs exposing and heads must roll……..

    Comment by hornet — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 1:10 pm

  16. For everyone who has replied above, here is the problem ….

    Section 128 of the COCA 2004 states,
    In all proceedings under this Act (other than criminal proceedings, but including appeals or any other proceedings), the court may receive any evidence that it thinks fit, whether or not it is otherwise admissible in a court of law.

    Comment by golfa — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 1:46 pm

  17. Yep-my son has returned to live with his mother after a year with me in auckland. She “saved him’ from me. I am being ignored by her and him.He did not like being told to come home at night, to study , to not stay out all night and not to smoke weed.
    I am now, apparently a brute and near nazi.
    Give that he is 18 (and apparently at school) i have no real rights to be informed as to what he is up to, but have the obligation of child support. WTF!!
    Hold your heads high gentlemen. You can only do your best. The truth is the truth and hopefully the kids see the light one day

    Comment by shafted — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 2:00 pm

  18. 16 Golfa – happy new year to you and the family – yes you are right – they can accept any fantasy – make up whatever you like – and they lap it up…….destroy a persons character and integrity and reputation without consequence – and then move onto the child support act – they similarly ignore FACT< TRUTH and filed tax returns – and even steep so low as to allow the use of children to spy on a parent – all fair in gathering revenue and destroying families, kids and parents…..


    Comment by hornet — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 3:10 pm

  19. The truth is the truth, but there are different versions of the truth.. Children have a natural desire to believe and trust their mothers, which stems from birth. When something or someone hurts their mother it becomes a natural reaction to protect their mother. For some reason some children are mature enough to keep out of the war of a separation. I don’t know why this is, because my youngest daughter has a great relationship with me.
    My ultimate advice for fathers wanting to get a divorce is this… Do it as early as possible, when your children are young..DO NOT wait until they are older, like I have. Once they reach twelve they are old enough to involve themselves in a war.. (The courts listen to what they want at 12) And it spirals down from there. If parents are amicable life looks very different. But in my situation, retaliation was the only agenda. She was on a mission to destroy me..
    And when I moved on and married someone else, you can imagine the crap. Neither of my eldest daughters came to my wedding.
    It is a shame how some ex partners will do anything to harm you. Turning kids against their fathers is the ultimate weapon.
    The IRD should be ashamed to expect money from dads when they cannot see their children.. This is a crime against humanity and I don’t care if they say that “contact or not” is irrelevant.. It is very relevant!
    It is no wonder so many fathers have left to Australia… They should do a tv show documentary on “why fathers in Australia avoid child support” and show our version of the truth.. We have fckn lost our children!, what price to you put on that? Damages and losses incured!!!! The guardianship act is about informing the other parent about your children.. How about the courts enforcing the Guardianship Act and the right to have contact, before these mothers get child support form the IRD.. Fathers should invoke a lawsuit against the government and the exs for compensation.

    Comment by Mikey — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 3:14 pm

  20. It’s insanity-the whole thing. In familycourt there was all sorts of subjective nonesense thrown at me like “the children are hungry at his place, he has a temper, he thinks only of himself. he has been seen naked by our daughters etc”, however, it is “within her rights” to agree to a 16 year old boy to get a tattoo (2 years ago), get stretch ear-rings (subsequently he has seen the light and they cost $5,500 in plastic surgery to fix), live with a girl aged 16 on family premises etc etc. Why am i held to a standard of parenting that she is not. Why am i totally accountable for these inane accusatins, yet she is not resonsible for her factual failings?

    Comment by shafted — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 3:20 pm

  21. My daughter, tongue stud at fourteen, without my consent. Shaved head on one and pink hair on the other.. Stretchers in both ears. My other daughter, purple hair wearing a cunt beanie, smoking weed openly at their grandmothers, both girls quitting school at 16… Sitting jobless at home for 8 months, then expecting me to pay and I have no parental say… To hell with it.
    “If you as a father have no say, then there should be no pay”, because there obviously is no partnership in this equation and the IRD should butt out. That’s my new slogan in inverted commas.
    So the new law is this…. If you can prove to the courts that you have been shut out from bringing up your child, then the custodial parent has no rights to funding to raise that child.

    Comment by Mikey — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 3:26 pm

  22. #21 Mikey. Loks like we are wearing the same t-shirt. and on top of that , i am now despised by my son (after a week end awaywith his mother). He was going well at scool, but bucking against, in my view, reasonable expectations of behaviour.
    What do you do? Just roll with it and hope they see the light one day

    Comment by shafted — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 3:34 pm

  23. Shafted, it’s about your own values and integrity. Turning a blind eye is worse that believing in your own morality.. I have questioned myself for years and I did the right thing even tough my girls have rejected me for three or four years… It is damn hurtful. But the day will come, probably when they have their own children and they will remember that I reacted the way I have because I cared for their well being..
    Their mother is a mate, not a parent and she will always be a mate for the fear of loosing them… These kids will have a bad moral foundation and will have no empathy or conscience.

    Comment by Mikey — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 3:49 pm

  24. “Their mother is a mate, not a parent and she will always be a mate for the fear of loosing them”¦ These kids will have a bad moral foundation and will have no empathy or conscience.”

    Same here.. watching adult TV, no bed time, no rules, no punishment, no moral guidance… the list goes on and on. Easier just to say no parenting.

    Been in the so called system for 12 or so years and haven’t seen them in 5 years. All in the best interests of the children of course!

    Comment by Scott B — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 8:44 pm

  25. 19 down to 24 – hear you all loud and clear….

    19 – your idea of a lawsuit – a civil case against the govt – justice dept for allowing this deliberate depravation of your child, for allowing parental alienation to THRIVE, for demanding money from parents – knowing they can not pay the demands made, permitting kids to be harmed – deliberately by the controlling entity, for refusing to take complaints at the human rights level, for failing to take complaints at the ombudsmans office for the systems refusal to adhere to Due process and FAIRNESS – the very foundation stone of JUSTICE, for infringing on a parents rights to PROPERTY ownership – and to live in peace and privacy – have I missed anything….

    Yes I think a collective civil action for damages would be a great idea – its gone on for too long, too many good people have been pushed over the edge and too many kids have been harmed and deprived……

    The justice system in this country is NOT about Justice in its present form – the family court is solely about Revenue collection for lawyers and the child support scam – to create DEBT so that more borrowing can be leveraged against it…..

    20 Shafted me old mate, as the advice above states – stick to your guns – stick to enforcing your VALUES – never LIE to your kids – that is all you can offer them – truthful discussion – and discipline even if they dont like it currently – history shows they will RESPECT you in the future for HAVING VALUES -and also by enforcing them – its shows you CARE……

    The parent who does not enforce VALUES will have NO respect in the future ……..

    Comment by hornet — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 9:52 pm

  26. Yes Hornet-that’s what i think. I am by no means perect but have tried the best i can. If i don’t show him how to behave, who will?
    No consultation with me about schooling-just done. Left a decile 10 school and now in a decile 3 in shitsville.
    And i am the one he hates! Go figure

    Comment by shafted — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 8:05 am

  27. It is interesting to see so many have the same experiences and nothing can be done about it.
    I guess going into seperation, illegitimate claims of abuse and family court as newbys and individuals makes us all easy targets.

    I too lost my two girls early, taken back to NZ under false claims and assurances that I’d get fair access. We are all kiwis had moved to Aust for work. I moved back again for 12 mths to see them more and was only granted 2 acces visits in that time.
    At 13/14 both had to much pressure on them from mother to continue a relationship with me. Said nasty things and totally cut me off. Everyone said ‘hang in there it’ll come good’, ‘when they’re 18 it’ll change’.
    Cold comfort when you know in yr heart you’re doing the right thing – but are vilified, rejected and often charged or locked up (I’ve been locked up 6 times for breaches – 5 dropped before going to court, the other in Jan 2013, 14 yrs after Prot Order taken out, went to court charged with being at a public park watching my 18 told daughter play rep softball, mother complains I needed her permission to be there! Dismissed thankfully, due to no legal basis and Police incompetence and bias.

    Anyhow, what I wanted to add was I now have a developing relationship with both daughters. 18 & 20yo
    Shame that it had to be after one ‘left home to join the army’ influenced by her home life, and the other recently moved out too unable to live with her mother that had for he last dozen years held all the cards and thought she could control the input into 2 normal children.

    After being on Sole parents pension for 10 yrs and hunting me to the Max for child support for 15yrs, she now refuses to financially help the daughter she drove out of home (with fees for diploma education) even though she has above avge paid income now. Hypocracy at it finest!

    Scars from the past are apparent on all. Girls don’t want to revisit it at all. Even tho there is a human tendency to correct all the bad issues/comments/myths from the past – best left there.
    So, for the satisfaction of one female individual the cost has been 15 years alienation, $200,000 plus, Stigmatisation, Jail, Counselling for the father to adjudge/correct what was only what nature has instilled in us, 2 scarred children………….FOR WHAT……..
    both children to run away from home as soon as they were physically / financially able to.
    I’d call that a Fail for feminism.

    Comment by Rocky — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 12:05 pm

  28. @ everyone that wants to do something about it, I would love to be involved.

    @ Rocky sorry to hear and yes ,,,, EPIC Fail.

    for the whole system as usual.

    Comment by Dominic Dilligaf — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 2:51 pm

  29. I had the FC fight from hell; got there in the end.
    Am now awaiting the day little Miss says ‘I don’t want to come to your place’ (translate, ‘I’ve got a party I’d rather go to’ / ‘I’ve got a boyfriend I’ll see instead’
    I am vowed to give her 3 strikes; if she don’t turn up 3 weekends in a row, I’m calling it quits, and putting the house on the market. Start looking for a job in Oz.

    Comment by OMG you're &*^(%$ — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 5:03 pm

  30. 29, look I’ve been there. I rented a house in Auckland and each of my kids had a bedroom. I fought in court for shared care, not because the children weren’t coming to me, it was more about defining the rules of the shared care procedure. No agreement could be settled on with their mother. The court procedure, with their child lawyer and psychologist and the entire legal system caused more harm then good. Mothers get very emotional and pull the kids into their battle against you.
    Every time I disciplined the girls they’d call their mum and a few minutes later she would be waiting in the car outside. You can’t stop your children from leaving and that’s why the court order is so necessary… It means ” mum stay the fck away, let me raise my child”.
    Anyway the girls jumped ship.. And the house stood empty, paying rent for their empty rooms.
    This is when I decided to leave to Australia… Why loose all, then being hunted down by IRD.
    Then came the CAPS order on their passports, to prevent them from being kidnapped. One year it took me to get that lifted.. Eventually got the holiday order by telephone conference, but these idiots at the court forgot to record the judges order and I had to go through the entire procedure again..
    I’m lucky that my youngest comes to me every holiday. The older girls have turned their back, for years now. It makes me mad that some parents use their children to retaliate.

    Comment by Mikey — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 9:18 pm

  31. Rocky, your story highlights this madness. We are in the same boat here, as are others. Sorry to all those fathers who are going through this, it may be weeks or years and I know how it hurts.. You look back and cannot understand why your child hates you. When you don’t know what your child looks like anymore, what they do in their lives…. They have chosen to have nothing to do with you.
    It is a stubbornness that will not surrender… And deep down you know that non of this would be, if it weren’t for the evil driving force of their mother that started it. But if I were given a choice to stay with the evil bitch and keep your children, or leave and loose your children, then I choose rather to live in the gutter than to be with her.

    Comment by Mikey — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 9:42 pm

  32. You have ONE life only. If you need children to give it meaning and your male then your fucked well and truly if you split from their mum. I came very close to suicide but listened to a friend who said that I needed to find a new meaning in life and to face the reality that our society has no value for fathers. Generally speaking, mothers are a fucking waste of space as parents and just want their children as friends. It took me a while to see that my own mother conspired against my father by beguiling us children to support her.

    I am now professional misogynist and supplying young men with the truth about the female of the species. They are more dangerous than a pet cobra and are to be kept well clear of if you want a happy life. After my suicide attempt I was given anti-depressants which , as a side affect, suppressed my libido. I then became acutely aware of how our sex drive takes us into relationships that are just not good for us to lead a happy life. As a young man I could never resist a beautiful woman despite her showing bitchy behaviour. Thank God I now have no problem seeing them for what they are because the little brain between my legs is over-ruled by the bigger brain in my head. How lovely life can be without a woman in it.

    Comment by Kant — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 9:56 pm

  33. Protection Orders take away all Human Rights of Children and Dads

    All those who are against parental alienation and the child abuse caused by the Family Court please contact me at oh 2 seven niner for niner seventy-five 0 five – maybe we can get organised and change things….

    Comment by Sane in an insane world — Wed 5th February 2014 @ 3:03 am

  34. My ex employed the same tactics. Parental Alienation Syndrome is a mental illness. My oldest still refuses to answer my messages or touch base in any way despite living in the same city and ten years passing. My youngest is the same. I warned my ex that pursuing the said tactics to destroy my relationship with my two daughters would work in the short term but would come back to haunt her as the same tactics were used on me by my father to discredit and alienate me from my mother and it had success until I reached young adulthood and could reason it out for myself.

    Nice to see there is no female advise at least in this post!

    Comment by ian — Wed 5th February 2014 @ 12:01 pm

  35. Some heartbreaking stories and it makes me angry. I’ve been through the mill myself and come out the other side (successfully).
    But rather than hear one-sided stories, I would like to actually see and read the court documents involved (obviously with all names removed). The courts need to be made accountable. It starts with lobbying MPs. But if all we have is hearsay evidence of the injustices that are happening in our courts, then we get absolutely nowhere.

    Comment by quasimodo — Wed 5th February 2014 @ 7:19 pm

  36. #1 What we need to lobby for is to end the secrecy of the family court. Keep an eye on what’s happening in Britain at the moment.

    Comment by quasimodo — Wed 5th February 2014 @ 7:24 pm

  37. So we know the system is corrupted, it is deliberately depriving parents of their children – which causes domestic violence – add to that the deliberate secrecy which hides the TRUTH about what is actually going on – Secrecy is NOT protecting Children at all and is abhorrent in family court – add to this – we have massive debt and revenue being collected at the expense of parents and children.

    So PARENTS – and this means men and woman – fathers and mothers – PARENTS – must UNITE on this – who is prepared to establish a DAMAGES Claim for all the harm they have personally suffered, their kids are suffering and the financial and emotional cost they have endured because the Family court system and child support are NOT HELPING parents – they are NOT providing the service they sell to the public and to parents.

    In fact as much evidence demonstrates they are not providing service at any level – in fact in most cases they are ENFLAMING conflict, they are encouraging parental alienation – vicariously liable because they know its exists but refuse to actually deal with it in any way.

    Currently they have protected themselves from any liability – that is why they refuse to allow complaints to the human rights commission, that is why they refuse to investigate complaints at the ombudsmans office and that is why they attack each parent as an individual – attack your credibility , reputation and character so no one believes you., that is the tactic of his system.

    A damages claim – backed by hundreds of effected parents and children is the ONLY way to beat this corrupted system.
    To expose it and to make it pay for what it is doing to good people.

    Comment by hornet — Thu 6th February 2014 @ 10:47 am

  38. I would be able to prove many things… How I was forced to prove to the IRD that children were in my care 40% of time, where they assumed the mothers word by telephone. Every day I had to clock in and clock out my children’s time.. Together with affidavits from relatives that they were in shared care… For three fckn months.
    I can prove how the IRD took money out of my account for child support without my consent..they literally stole money without informing me! whilst the shared care was under dispute..for three months.
    I can prove how long it took to get the CAPS order off my kids passports so that they could come and visit me.. and how much stress it caused me. How the first hearing was not recorded and I had to go through the entire procedure again with another judge. This cost me on airfares etc..
    I can prove all the unjustified police reports against my name, only because I disciplined the kids and the threats of protection orders against me.
    I can prove that the mother does not comply with the guardianship act, so that both of us can raise our children.
    The fact that my child had another man listed as her father at school so that I could not get access to her school records.
    The fact that the mother was able to move twice without giving me the address of my kids and the police did not consider a kidnap charge, what the fck. (Hey, if the dad moved without contact address, he’d definitely be charged with kidnap)
    The list goes on… These mothers know the system works for them. And the more they get to “protect the child” , the more they believe that dad is dangerous. Sooner or later the child turns away and gets to hate their father.. You guys know what I mean.
    Then five, ten or more years are gone. Who is kept accountable here? These nasty exs should be exposed.
    It’s too easy to say ” excuse me, he’s burnt his bridges with his kids, THEY don’t want to see him!”
    Now after three almost four years I find myself stalking the internet to find photos of my baby girls..

    Comment by Mikey — Thu 6th February 2014 @ 11:16 am

  39. Sane (33) – if I won Lotto I’d fund a Lawyer for 2 years to collate all these stories and into a class action. Mothers making false claims, Courts dodgy decisions, ICL’s biased support to mothers.
    Ian (34) Luckily my daughters had my genes kick in at 16 and rebelled against their mothers control.

    Unfortunately children younger than that are too succeptible to Parental Alienation from resident parent, they take the path of least resistance to make their own homelife easier. Much is the pity – but it’s NOT the kids fault they dont have the tools or mental capacity to understand whats going on. Mothers pray on that.

    quasimodo (35) MP’s aren’t the answer, they are here then gone, masters to other political and public opinion trends. Fines, Convictions for Parents and loss of judgeships would get more results. Mothers have to be prosecuted for (at least) the same as Fathers are. Judges have to be accountable and consistent in rulings and fairness-or lose their jobs.

    Hornet (37) Again you’re talking about a class action. Question who’s going to fund it because it would take a while, but it would a) group all claims of a same type together rather than every individual going up against a robed git that thinks they can dismiss you with a wave because you didn’t fill out the right form properly or ontime. b) It would not be asking for Access, relief from IRD, school reports, etc – it would be exposing the prejudices, making the Lies be accounted for and tested, Make the Judiciary explain why they ignore the Guardianship act or why they abide Protection Order rorts (me – six seperate times in jail, only one charge, and not one conviction. Result: CONTROL by Mother over 12 yrs)
    The facts are out there: (on this websites other posts) CHILD ABDUCTIONS – 85% by Women. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – 33% perpitrated against Men. PROTECTION ORDERS – must be >90% to Women (there must be a study of those that are abusing this, and INDEFINITE! Aust has 2 yr limit & children can be excluded from Orders.) BREACHES of FAMILY CT ORDERS – Vast majority Women.

    Common denominator – FAMILY COURT.
    The rot lies with the organisation that lets the Mothers and Lawyers take advantage of the system.
    Class Action I say.

    Comment by Rocky — Thu 6th February 2014 @ 1:18 pm

  40. I agree with Hornet. The only way to do this is to take them to court… but can we actually trust a NZ court? Is there another option?

    Comment by Scott B — Thu 6th February 2014 @ 1:42 pm

  41. there is an upcoming convention on FAMILY MEDIATION – 13,14,15 in Auckland – I received information today – from a WOMAN – a MOTHER who has information which will disturb us all – but which will also adds credibility to allegations we make as MEN and FATHERS on this site – if her allegations are true and correct – then she exposes the CORRUPTION, MANIPULATION by lawyers in the family court – for revenue, for personal advantage etc – at the expense of good parents and childreb = Mums and Dads…..and most of all KIDS – who are being harmed for revenue……

    As a mum her story supports our concerns – and personally this is a good thing – as I have been saying for a long time – this is an issue affecting NZ PARENTS ……and any attack against the current Family court system needs to come from PARENTS – TOGETHER – not divided like the system wants us all to be…….

    More info to come once I get directions from the effected Mother…..and what she wants to do about this publicly……

    Also for those of you asking about a class action – I have someone working on this, and looking to present a vehicle through which we can all send our stories – which collectively substantiate the total corruption of the family court system which is clearly NOT – I repeat NOT helping Parents or kids in ANY WAY.

    Comment by hornet — Fri 7th February 2014 @ 11:10 am

  42. 41 good, let us know. Mediation is one huge shame which is part of the much bigger scam that is the Famliy Court.

    Comment by Scott B — Fri 7th February 2014 @ 2:44 pm

  43. Scott B – mu personal experience with the SHAM mediation service – NOT ONE WANTS to make a decision for the best interests of the child – they all fence sit, which HELPS no one – one mediator my wife and I went to – twice – was not given access to the court file so claimed he was not aware of the other parties concerns – so I asked = and how can you mediate a resolution – EVER?

    The main problem and I am sure you all have a story to tell – I as a father and Dad wanted more time with my child – and the other party did not want that to happen = mediation on that would require someone to say – THIS KID needs BOTH parents so more time must be allocated to the parent being deliberately deprived – make it work some how – but this NEVER happens – never ever…… Mediation is a total crock – more revenue for so called professional BLUDGERS ……..

    Not to mention the ongoing parental alienation – all 25 points which define it being permitted by ONE party to make any time you do have – TOTALLY UNPLEASANT ………..creating more conflict – which the system thrives on……..

    Amazing these so called LEARNED professionals all seem to ignore this – and never want to help fix it – wonder why that is??? MONEY ????

    Comment by hornet — Fri 7th February 2014 @ 3:56 pm

  44. Yes that was a typo it should have been sham not shame.

    Yes it is all about the money for them.

    My question has always been and continues to be… If the mediator has no powers, then what is the point of mediation? (The only power they have is to write up a (useless) parenting agreement, if any agreement is even reached! Oh and I know the answer to my question, but would love to ask someone in power. The answer is money and to create more conflict and to drag everything out for as long as possible.

    Comment by Scott B — Fri 7th February 2014 @ 7:10 pm

  45. Look these unreasonable exs should be punished.. If they don’t want to reason or at least agree to jointly make decisions than they should pay. If there is mediation, let the looser pay the bill of the mediation. They’ll quickly learn to stop their crap.

    Comment by Mikey — Fri 7th February 2014 @ 11:23 pm

  46. The law and courts should not make it easy for the one parent to keep the other parent out of the child(rens) lives. It should be that simple. 50/50 shared care/custody from day 1, you don’t comply then you are slapped with a huge fine and are forced to comply. I can hear the nay sayers saying oh but you can’t slap a huge fine on a solo mum. Yes you can! If they don’t want a huge fine then they comply. Simple really. Shame the powers that be cannot oops I mean will not do this.

    Comment by Scott B — Sat 8th February 2014 @ 8:44 am

  47. Copy of message from another very disgruntled parent – who is trying to put together a protest against the corruption that is the family court – child support systems….

    Quotes from a memo I have received – more to follow……

    These people have no genuine interest in healthy, “equitable”, fair and just outcomes for those unfortunate enough to find themselves at the mercy of court “orders”.

    Their primary (and perhaps singular) interest is the personal pecuniary rewards they reap through their “professional” involvement.

    Comment by hornet — Sat 8th February 2014 @ 10:24 am

  48. The Guardianship Act recommends that any dispute should be taken to the family court, so that they can make a decision.
    This is impossible for many reasons. 1. There may be hundreds of disputes. 2. The implementation of a charge is a disincentive to take any dispute to court. 3. The appointment of a lawyer for child for each dispute is irrational. 4. Long waiting periods for court cases to be heard.
    So here is what is happening…
    Mother makes her decisions how best to raise the child… In other words, child does what it wants, because mother fears loosing the child.
    Father disagrees and raises his concern.
    Mother gets protection order to protect herself and child, so father looses contact. Father gets no say and is forced to shut up.
    Father expected to take any dispute to court so that the court can raise the child.
    Father looks bad to child for causing mother stress. Father is expected to pay child support, has no say over how his child is raised and often looses contact, either through protection orders or the child decides not to see father because he is so bad.
    We as a collective need a better system, where simple disputes can be resolved quickly. No waiting time, so I am talking about having the dispute resolved on the day. No court, no lawyers that rip off your money.
    It needs to be a tribunal, which is accessed via internet. So your dispute is queued up and a panel reviews it with an instant outcome. In complicated cases the outcome may be court. A decision is made which is binding. So, after a separation you have to sign up to this.
    The tribunal is made up of healthy parents, not lawyers. Maybe each district has volunteer parents. No premises, they work from home, linked up through the internet.
    So, here is my scenario…
    My ex wife moves 40 km away from where the children go to school. We have shared care. I find this unacceptable. I lodge my dispute over the internet and the outcome which is very logic is to recommend to stop the move. If she continues she is warned that court costs will be ordered to her.

    Comment by Mikey — Sat 8th February 2014 @ 10:30 am

  49. 48 – mikey – mate you are also forgetting – the courts DO NOT ENFORCE court orders – so it matters not what you get offered or awarded in that SHAM system – it will NEVER be enforced – …..

    Also – how is any parent supposed to go to court every time their rights are breached – the costs and time delays are impracticable – the guardianship act is of no help to any parent .

    As with most things – human rights, bill of rights, civil liberties and parents rights – having them stated is one thing – and as we are seeing in this corrupted world we now live in – ACTUALLY GETTING THEM is a completely different reality – I have seen and experienced first hand – you WILL NEVER have your rights enforced so long as some parasitic lawyer is offering to help you – they will not help, they will take your money and they will never do what is required – and that is to permit BOTH parents quality time with their kids – its during that time that you impart your views, values and beliefs on your child – they take it or leave it – as is normal……….but by deliberately depriving you of that time – they deprive you of that right to parent, to impart your knowledge and experiences and they often enflame conflict – usually to the point where the parent denied – reacts violently – forced to take the law into their own hands…….

    Comment by hornet — Sat 8th February 2014 @ 10:37 am

  50. Lawyer’s, up until recently I would have rather had a vasectomy than ever say anything good about one after my experiences , not anyone else’s.

    My old lawyer’s, allowed a huge affidavit fight and years of expensive billing and hopeless failed orders like preservation orders in the high court which failed removal of protection orders ect ect ect , to go on, for their own profit over $100 K + they were Haig Lyon.

    Backed up by lawyer for child / child alienation / biased turd, coordinator MR Graeme Asklund and the family court.

    My new lawyers after I almost went broke, did exactly the opposite of my old ones , sat me down told me to stop the paper war said they were shocked that this had been allowed to go on and firmly followed a plan of action which even I did not believe was going to work , but after recent events they went and fought tooth and nail with me and with the other party to get one of the biggest problems out of the way so that we could move closer to the main goal which was seeing my son, now that has not happened yet but we are well on the way to getting there after last Friday in the Waitakere court

    and have to say for the pissy $4 K I have paid them its nothing to what they have actually been able to achieve,

    Comment by Dominic Dilligaf — Tue 11th February 2014 @ 2:33 pm

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