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Filed under: Child Support — midnighthauler @ 6:45 pm Tue 16th June 2015

Once again I have been bitten by the IRD, we had a review which was turned down. I do not have a problem paying IRD but I do when the amount is absolutely ridiculous. The ex wife who I have been divorced from for 12 yrs continues to plead poverty even though she has well paying job and owns 2 homes renting 1 and partner who owns his own business.

She has now alienated the kids from me and I am unable to contact them. I have to ring their school just to find out how they are doing. I had to ring IRD last night and was treated like a sub human. My son is 17yrs and is looking at leaving school and I only found out because I rang school to find out their progress.

This is my first time on site and new post so would be great to hear from other fathers suffering what I am going through.


  1. Me too.Ive just had a review done from IRD. My ex lives the rock star lifestyle, while I am working my arse off, just trying to make ends meet.

    I filed a review with IRD, only to be turned down,under the grounds that there were no special sercmstances.My ex wife being the biggest looser, having being deemed by IRD that her partner has a relatively high income,therefore forfeits her working for families assitance.

    Filing for a reveiw also creates problems in itself. My ex has day to day care of the my two school age boys and now she is denying me contact with them, all because I filed for a review.

    Comment by Chris Miles — Wed 17th June 2015 @ 5:00 am

  2. we get penalialised for working hard. we work to support our family and then we get kicked in the guts from the ex, from the IRD. I have just been landed a bill to pay back the last 3 years of WFF. my income is relatively low as I am self employed but as my partners income had to be declared – it takes me over the threshold. thanks IRD for the $15k bill. I have primary care of my youngest child and things being very tight I’m now expected to find $100 a week for the next 3 years.

    Comment by goose — Wed 17th June 2015 @ 7:02 am

  3. Midnighthauler. Your son is 17 and is thinking of leaving school. This is good news for you! Only one more year of paying Child support, less if he starts work. My children are considerably younger, I will be paying CS for the next 10 year, having already paid circa $220K during the past eight years I cannot wait until to be free of the IRD.

    My ex has applied for 6 or 7 admin reviews now, always the same, wanting more cash. One of my retrospective reviews saw my assessed retrospective income increased 38% more than my actual salary resulting in the inevitable child support debt. The debt demand from IRD was payable within 4 weeks from the date of the letter. Who has $15K sitting in their bank accounts! Then the penalties start piling up! It is no wonder why people lose it and leave the country. The bitches at IRD have a lot to answer for.

    Anyway I have another review this week. Wife #2 tells me the best form of revenge is to be so successful that it makes the ex’s blood boil. Gentlemen there is light at the end of the tunnel, things do get better.

    Comment by Colin — Wed 17th June 2015 @ 9:55 am

  4. New to the SHAM – lets all enlighten you – illuminate you on the scam…….its all DELIBERATE – the system never ever intended to give you rights……..or time with your own child – in fact its actually been created to destroy you – personally, and financially, along with your child…..

    you are NOT ALONE – this is happening to everyone – breaches of your Human rights, Rights to Due Process, rights to see your own child, rights to privacy, rights to see your child protected from Alienation, rights to prevent you from being ENTRAPPED and deliberately set up – framed – for a Domestic Violence conviction – provoked at every turn to react to your credibility is destroyed……DELIBERATE, INTENTIONAL, CALCULATED………why else did they remove the defence of PROVOCATION from the statue books – WHY indeed ?? Because they wanted to see PROVOCATION run rampant and cause CONFLICT……

    Reviews are conducted against all your rights to DUE PROCESS – I just had them admit to this, after they used these UNJUST decisions to raid my family home and take family property – unreasonable search and seizure – have you had this yet – that will be the next experience….im stil waiting for the Ombudsman to actually conduct the investigation they finally commenced after two years of asking…….that another trick to the corruption – simply refuse to take complaints…….. or click on the HORNET……….

    On another note…….”IF” this story is TRUE? Then it might explain to every parent why the SECRET FAMILY COURT system is so CORRUPTED …..a system set up to destroy parents and harm kids…….INTENTIONALLY…….

    Comment by hornet — Wed 17th June 2015 @ 10:14 am

  5. Expect the worst from IRD and you will never be disappointed.
    I have two children, one in my care the other with the ex. We both work and take responsibility for our own access costs. Yet under the new formula method and after two reviews I still have to subsidise my ex and with higher payments than before. There is no common sense approach to it, merely wealth transfer. My ex refuses to discuss the matter as I am just as cash cow to her. Ultimately it means I have reduced access with my son as my money goes to her.

    Comment by BF1972 — Wed 17th June 2015 @ 11:43 am

  6. Thanks for the reply to all you guys, it’s great to have support.

    Comment by midnighthauler — Wed 17th June 2015 @ 2:50 pm

  7. Midnighthauler

    Im new too and YES its great been supported 🙂
    Specially finding out my children suffer PAS.. never heard of it before.
    However it did arm me, because having a medical name now validates all my concerns.

    Comment by joseph — Thu 18th June 2015 @ 9:42 am

  8. Welcome new folks. When I first started contributing/ranting on this site, I was given advice that I did not heed-and that was to realize how completely stuffed I would be at every step of the process. Admin review, reassessments, penalties, penalties on penalties, family court, mediation, man assaults female charges, orthodontic bills, income manipulation through family trust (her)—trust me , I fought on all of these and got pounded in the Jacksy every time. I have not had one outcome that I think has been fair or reasonable or taken into account rational argument. I have four kids, two of which she has done such a job on, so they won’t even talk to me as I am some sort of pariah. An ill disciplined, drug taking son who is never properly parented or held to account for his actions , and a daughter who when she does condescend to talk to me, does so as if I am something unpleasant on the bottom of her shoe….oh, and they both blame me for every failing in their own lives. I blame the system from start to finish. Alienation is encouraged, financial devastation is something to be sneered at (as if it’s my fault) and mum in the meantime has a lifestyle and income that I can only dream about. My best advice to you is to recognize that it sucks, that it’s not fair, and to hope and pray that you will have a meaningful relationship with your children again one day when they grow up. It is what it is-that’s my mantra

    Comment by Shafted — Thu 18th June 2015 @ 10:58 am

  9. A friend of mine has two daughters, one had finished her study and was working in Aust,the other was about to finish her degree. When she was asked what she was going to do for a job?

    She announced that she was heading overseas as she wanted to work for an NGO (Non Government Organisation)

    Clearly her choices in NZ were not great so she was off to the UK.

    Our youth see it, they know that they must leave NZ.

    Who will be left, immigrants to replace them?

    This is the price of what our once terrific country has become.

    Our children leave and look at how things pan out for males here.

    Don’t have children in NZ, leave and have them in another country and save them the airfare later.

    Comment by paul — Sun 21st June 2015 @ 1:10 am

  10. Take that a step further @Paul and it’s only a matter of time before our school are failed institutions catering for immigrants.

    What is left of the real Kiwi population will be spread around the world like the Jews without were without a homeland.

    Comment by Downunder — Sun 21st June 2015 @ 10:49 am

  11. ENTRAPMENT – I have come to a conclusion as to WHY NOTHING CHANGES – for the BETTER……

    Its because many now in positions of power – lawyers, judges, and political figures are all ENTRAPPED – they are all leveraged, compromised, Bullied, Intimidated and conflicted to do as they are told – not what their conscience tells them to do…..

    Think about this for a long minute – if you know something is WRONG as I am sure many of them do – why don’t they change it? Because no one is permitted to speak up and say something constructive – for fear of having their livelihood destroyed or their reputation trashed….they are controlled and living in FEAR of reprisal – and this I believe is the key reason we see nothing changing – people want to help I am sure – but they can not ……….

    I have seen this with my own lawyers – they are too scared to support me in doing the RIGHT thing – for clearly they are compromised by a system that FORBIDS them to actually act on their conscience….and do the right thing……

    we can rant on here all we like, but nothing will change – many here all agree on the crisis affecting parents and their children, the stories are the same ……and everyone MUST agree KIDS are being destroyed by this system…….regardless of the forced conflict deliberately induced and stimulated on us all by a system that WANTS and NEED CONFLICT between man and women – husband and wife………

    I have started a campaign to make ENTRAPMENT Illegal – if we can eradicate this horror is might free up good people to speak up and not be scared or bullied from doing the right thing….

    I am also looking to start a petition to make Entrapment Illegal and a CRIMINAL offence….because currently it is NOT……many people have been leveraged and entrapped to go against their free will – to do things they normally would never do… force change on society they know is wrong…….to enable systems they know are harmful and unjust…..

    help a kid, help a parent and help end this horror story…….

    Comment by hornet — Mon 22nd June 2015 @ 2:16 pm

  12. I have had the same problem except the system wore me down completely. I haven’t had any contact with the kids for years. Too many forces working too hard to prevent it.

    Comment by Vman — Tue 23rd June 2015 @ 5:05 pm

  13. Vman – NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR KIDS – the system wants you to walk away, please try and get back in touch with the kids and build bridges mate, kids need a FATHER FIGURE, they need that Balance …….without it the system gets its claws into them…they are vulnerable without a dad…..

    Remember the system does NOT want you to be a MAN, there is a deliberate attempt to Suppress the Sacred MASCULINE – which is all about “ACTION”, – Positive ACTION to Change – NATURAL change versus Synthetic change forced on you by the system…..remember the world is and should always be about NATURAL LAW, NATURAL CHOICES, NATURAL FEELINGS and EMOTIONS – Not the Induced forgery forced on us all today….

    most importantly – NEVER GET ANGRY – the system wants CONFLICT and ANGER – it THRIVES on this so it can force more CONTROL……

    Comment by hornet — Tue 23rd June 2015 @ 5:24 pm

  14. Vman I happen to agree with Hornet
    I was in you situation 22 years.I too gave up it just wasnt worth the conflict.
    I tried so many times to re connect only to be jilted by the system and the ex which Ive shared on here.
    Dont give up on yourself or YOUR life which can be difficult if you are involved with another.
    Every where you turn is conflict even worse if your family alienates themselves from helping you.
    One thing this issue generates is temper control and all the spotlight is on you. If your like me laid back it can change you very quickly, resentment,anger, betrayal,rage, or go inside yourself and bury your feelings.
    These are the triggers that the system is designed to activate. Push buttons so those involved can justify their involvement and control.Remember its big business and your their pay packet. They have plenty of Zombies that are switched on to the system while been switched off too you.

    *I can feel You know all this* by your reaction so your maybe saying
    ‘So whats new”.

    Well after re connecting with my Daughter now 28 it was tense for the first few weeks, both of us been careful. However over a very quick period nothing added up for my Daughter nothing.
    Why because I allowed her to unravel herself, unload,hearing her side how she felt and I can tell you her frustration and anger runs just as deep as mine.Once this whole cancerous load of rubbish was cut and left to bleed out things changed.

    1.Her mother had no control while been confronted with the truth.At first she played the victim of it all and took it for granted things will get back to normal” complete control” Your Father this your Father that same old same old.

    Never happen.So the mother played the silent game, no reaction, next came my youngest Daughter who has a very bad case of (PAS) to convince my eldest daughter about the horrors of been in contact with “HIM” again. Yup you guessed it all still coming from the Mother.

    She will never give up that control ever and believes SHE made the children and as a MAN we are just the mistake during the joy ride. 22 years youd think Id get a break.

    in desperation she changed gears again and made peace with the girls and backed her crap off, only her final salvo was “But he abandoned you” for 20 years, He will never love you like I do

    The Mother hit the nail right on the head with that one.”I had walked away” at this point I cant share my side or why. I cant share this because the past is now the past while I know in my heart, My girls arent ready and may never be even with the Mother still raging and ranting.All the time by not reacting or buying into the Mothers rubbish I kept calm, reserved yet open and took control
    My oldest daughter acknowledge her Father the other day with “I love you Dad” I stopped because there was a difference we both felt it everything had changed.

    yeahhh “IM BACK” not all the way as we are both working on my youngest Daughter whos so entrenched with (PAS) only we have brought and invested in more time.

    My Daughters convinced me leaving and giving up was the most that hurt “the long dead Silence”
    As their Father Ive come to understand that I gave to much away by doing this and realize that now.
    *Goodluck Vman

    I hope you re connect and bond with your children again. Kids never forget been treated with love, They remember it just takes time for them too…

    Comment by joseph — Wed 24th June 2015 @ 8:47 am

  15. My son is in his twenties and I don’t hear anything from him either. My daughter is still a teenager. Sure if they want to contact me then that would be nice. For my point of view, I’ve accepted the ex and the system will always prevent it at least until they are adults. Once they are adults then it’s not a burning issue for me. It’s up to them. My problem is how to pay the mountains of debts and child taxes before I reach retirement age.

    Comment by Vman — Mon 10th August 2015 @ 2:34 pm

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