So as a man in his mid 40’s I had pretty much resigned to the fact that I was not going to become a father. I discovered that one partner I had for a few years was proud of her 11 abortions… shortly thereafter I gently tippytoed away from the secondary school teacher in a boys school in West Auckland. After that my next partner of 18 months announced she was pregnant, I knew she was before she told me, but she is so utterly impractical that she almost had to deliver to find out. Roll forward 3 years. We have a boy, she slept with some lucky bloke and I guess the guilt made her have to let me know, we were over. He can have her.

She is rude to our little boy, tells him off if he does something that any little boy in his 2-3 age would do and this little boy is a fantastic kid. Never plays up, and is a champ. Since she decided we were split she has “parented” her arse off, its like she knew all along she was a fucked parent, but was waiting for custody before she bothered to really try. Thats lovely.

Even as I didn’t think I would become a dad, I knew I would love it if it happened. I didn’t know how much I would adore my boy and how much my entire life would revolve around wanting him to be cared for, happy and content. I have not loved many people in my life and I would say I don’t believe I have ever loved a female partner. I do however love my little boy. I was hassled in a female vs male, joking way at family outings… that oh its a dirty nappy… give it to daddy… they never do the nappies… well guess what… I do, because I want my boy to be happy, and well and i know that it’s simple and it makes a huge difference to his wellbeing. Before he came along the rumour from parenting research i did, was nappies were pure evil… that set me up for the panic… and meh… its nothing.

But for her… she hates it, she never likes to change his nappy in the morning, she almost won’t and I find myself always doing it. I just want him to not be sitting in it. Whats wrong with her ?

Work
She works full time and is well paid… that said since the split she has been finding alot of fake reasons to be suddenly home 4 hours early more than 3 days a week… its like she thinks i’m searching the house or something. I work in a number of self made roles that I have created little businesses and run them all online. They provide incomes that are unreliable and unpredictable but when they work as they go up and down… they can produce good money quickly.

This I guess is about custody… assets will be divided… but my boy is all I really want. What did you do to gain custody or a greater portion of custody of your child ?

And custody needs to be a “Category”.

Thankyou – I wish you well on your quest to find peace.