Male Post Natal Depression
This is a far more complicated story than what first appeared.
I thought it was worth posting as it appears to include a blended family situation, parental leave issues, but also support issues for fathers.
How would you have coped in this situation?
Depressed women in my experience do the same thing – abandon the baby when they can’t cope.
Dad does a runner? Emotive head line?
Another male in difficult circumstances but the media story is straight for the jugular?
Should men now be considered being at risk of post natal depression?
My heart goes out to this family, this Man and this child
First His wife/partner dies
(this cannot be taken lightly – this man entire world has collapsed).
I do not think he ever imagined raising this child on his own.
Or that this child would be here in the absence of his mother.
And the rest is simply what it is.
Even if he did not have mental problems before. Who would not?
Was it abandoning child?
child was born at 33 weeks old premie?
He is not leaving hospital in a hurry.
What better place to leave child and go grieve in peace.
Where is his family? and Support?
Stuff.co.nz has toned down its language, that’s a start.
I hope it wasn’t because of this post, as that would mean at least two people actually gave this guy’s situation some consideration.
Their attitude in the text is nasty:
Is he one of their man-hating gay pricks?
Doctors have known about post natal depression in men for a decade, at least. However, as a “non-presenting” problem at GP clinics, it is steadfastly ignored by the majority of GPs and mental health workers and health budgeters.
Until suicided men turn up in large numbers at clinics and ask for help, little will change…
In this situation, the father did fairly little harm to the child. The child was in a pretty safe space (if attachment issues can ignored! Of course they cannot.).
Not just that, it appears that the father acted to stay safely within his own limits and to preserve his own life. That of course is the only path to him being able to provide long term support for the child.
Criticism of the father is really criticism of the poor quality support available to that father, at the time that he needed it most. Perhaps better to help him while he is human, than to wait until he is ashes?
The article writer shows ignorance for the human issues involved. But Stuff is free, so the poor human quality of the article reflects our community’s unwillingness to pay the costs of producing good quality journalism.
Birth trauma and adoption trauma are significant contributors to adult and parental mental health problems. And to learning and behavioural problems in schools. When we ignore the problem at source, we end up carrying far larger long terms costs. The child bears the brunt of these, but this usually isn’t visible or well known to most citizens…..
So, it is worthwhile and productive to provide timely and appropriate support and care for fathers (ie both parents).
The father obviously didn’t see that he might get appropriate support through the medical system and took off to get it where he felt most safe. Not that we know where that was.
So the medical system has quite a big credibility problem with men (and women too). Many of our doctors don’t seem to understand the importance of credibility to the quality of healthcare that they can deliver.
Teaching of parenting skills to fathers is as productive and important, as teaching to mothers. Some parenting course providers have noticed that teaching couples together, or even separately if that is the only possibility, ends up delivering the best longer term care to the children. This took a while to understand. It was realised that teaching such skills was often blocked by mental health issues in the parents. But teaching both parents, had a better chance of one or other picking up all of the details, skills and issues. In the fullness of time, the parents could learn from the other parent, what they hadn’t picked up directly from the course teaching time.
So the initially blocked skills could usually still be learned despite the block, but only with a lot of time and repetition in the family home.
Old male doctors, who refuse to budget appropriate healthcare (including mental health) for men, aren’t even doing the best for women or for children.
They are just destroying already built men, for no advantage to anyone, least of all children. In other words, it is in everyone’s interest to give proper support and respect to men, as much as to women, or children.
This might sound as though I am being critical of doctors. They do do a fairly good job. Looking broadly on our society to judge these issues about care, the brickbats go to familycaught$ legal workers, in particular judges and to the bulk of men in our society, who are not fighting for the appropriate human rights of men.
So, I’m wondering where this guy is now?
An example perhaps @Allan Harvey of a 2018 relationship.
The reality of his surrounding circumstances.
The media response?
The impact on the male audience?
Yes I feel for this guy.
Often people feel publicity is a good thing but it does add lots more pressure.
As you know Murray often we guys are are own worse enemy and too often the internal fight/divisions within mens groups has been destructive.
I try to keep my head low and my media presence I try to make just Kapiti alone and only when useful.
Aluta continua (The struggle continues)
I am in Auckland late July, Might a cup of coffee be a good idea? My youngest lives in your big smoke these days and isn’t to big to have daddy come and visit occasionally.