The Rise of the Older Man
“The dirty ole bastard next door has got a young floozie living with him.”
I just bit my tongue. Nice lady, older conservative, perhaps even a little embittered, and felt the need to express her moral outrage.
That was a few years back now, when another friend starting his second family was getting married to a younger woman.
“Mate, you’ll be 60 when it’s 21.”
The look on her face was enough to tell me I was off the Xmas card list – honest opinion is not always appreciated.
This was around the time, I suppose 10 years back, when the older man was still building up pace. It was more the era of the silver fox with media personalities like blogger Moata Tamaira making an open book of her hunt for a suitable man and Heather du Plessis-Allan marrying (in her case perhaps a badger’s arse) Barry Soper whose children were older than her.
Now, in the media, the older man is mostly the hunted dog and we saw this in an earlier discussion about a teacher leaving the country with his nineteen year old conquest.
But, and here’s the but, was that the case? Was it his conquest or hers? Does it matter?
This week the older man has been in my face. On the side of road, holding hands. Behind the counter with his young Cambodian wife.
It’s not so unusual anymore. But like I said, is it younger women finding something more appealing about older men, and just what might that be?
More recently even I find myself the subject of the critical eye of a rather attractive working mother, hanging out for that dinner invitation. Of course, I’m curious, and I have questions, but I’m old enough to know, the first three answers would more likely be flattery rather than honesty or is my healthy cynicism a by product of years in the Family Court?
And as much as I would like to know what the attraction is, I’m not going to ask. It’s not a situation I want to encourage.
Would you, wouldn’t you? I cringed when I recently caught up with an old friend (almost 65) happy married to a young girl and about to be a father again – I couldn’t do it.
The pros, the cons, the risks, it is a big subject.
Has the discussion we’ve seen here and in the media been only about professional men – Is the man on the street treated differently when he doesn’t have to answer to a professional body or a moral standard?
What are your thoughts on the rise of the older man and the young woman?
There should be at least a fifteen year gap if the man is older.
Men are stupid when it comes to women.
But no man should date a woman less than 7 year older than his oldest child.
This is for his own protection.
Some bastards have no respect for their parental prerogatives.
The biggest question to ask is who dates whom.
99% of relationships are initiated by women.
And this is at a level most men are ignorant of.
Who preys on whom is the question:-)
Can you explain this one to me. I’m in the dark here.
Question by Evan Myers
99% of relationships are initiated by women.
And this is at a level most men are ignorant of.
check out ‘undercover sex signals ‘ by Leil Loundes (a women)
and the scientific text by Dr. Perper
Is this another Men are from Mars style book with all the answers?
What’s the quick review?
@3 thanks Peter. Have not read anything in that regard.
But from observation, men are reactive and women are active.
Often we go after the woman that has already signaled her availability.
So we think we are active when we already are reactive.
WE think we saw her first and think we have conquered her.
Or that we have seduced her.
Seduction in English has a very strong sexual connotation but the word itself in most other languages means romantically wooing someone (affectionately and emotionally).
When all along we have been guided, subtly, very subtly.
How many guys have found themselves subconsciously competing against a woman’s ex because of what she told you about them?
-He was so mean…
-The fucking bastard!
-He did all this…
-I would never do that!
You rise and become the knight in shining armor.
(Think of how men reply to distress signals from women.)
Makes you feel good to be the good guys…aye!
And then later (usually after you get dumped) find you out that the ex-guy has more in common with you than you ever did with her.
And that he was the fishing buddy you always wanted.
And surely will you discover too that in her next story, you will have become the evil ex.
This is of course not to paint a picture on all women but many use the daddy attitude (please help me, protect me, am a victim) and most men just can’t resist.
Policemen are notorious for this type of attitude.
And so are lawyers…
She simply empowers them over another person and let them judge that person to suit her own agenda.
@1: The rules you dictate may well be sensible though you have offered no evidence or argument to support this. Instead, you simply assume some moral authority by shoulding on us.
The old stories support this;
She accidentally dropped her handkerchief but he was quick to pluck it from the footpath ahead of the street urchins and return it to her hand.
He took off his jacket and lay it across the puddle so she might negotiate the footpath without muddying her hem.
Are women naturally inclined to play the victim or is it learned behaviour?
Feminism has railed against such victimish behaviour, they hate Little Red Riding Hood with a passion, yet the Family Court thrives on the victim, encourages weakness, it ups their profits.
Is it a strange coinsidence the weakness that is created by many the more a few are supposedly needed?
But wait, you’d just about call that a #metooNZ campaign.
@6 would one set of rules apply across the board.
#1 seemed more relevant to young families and blended families.
But in terms of the older man we are talking about … perhaps a second family where siblings may be 40 years apart in age,
Or, perhaps a second family where the man is totally alienated from the first family.
In the case of the teacher linked to, a 19 year old (with no children) a life choice for some reason?
Perhaps the desire to be looked after and not have children?
@ 7 Learned behaviour I beleive. Mostly parental input. Negative behavior reinforcement.
Commonly and insensibly referred to as momma’s boy or daddy’s girl syndrome.
At first kids are taught to put sugar on top and say “please.”
And then as adult they just deflect and blame
“You knew I can’t control myself, why did you not help me?”
So the question “Is this gender driven?”
So the question should be “Are women MORE naturally inclined to play the victim”
Thinking historically about pregnancy and the extended state of weakness or helplessness of both mother and child before and after birth; I am tempted to say,
“yes, men are naturally inclined to be the protector of females, the old and children.”
And whom who is protected naturally seeks favor from his protector.
And is that made worse by …
creating a path of least resistance
making the victim victory socially desirable
making the victim victory financially beneficial
Does it create a ready made political audience?
So, is this what young woman are escaping from?
Where society sees castaway dead beat dads young woman are seeing the man in these men that got persecuted by survived.
Do these young women see an inner strength (and their desired security) here because they can no longer see it in younger men.
Do they think with that older man they are more likely to receive and retain his attention toward them?
Safety and comfort + control. Grandpa has more and is cooler than dad type syndrome
Older men are more appreciative, more reasonable and usually are no longer struggling financially.
Then it is give and take, take and give… more malleable, less stress and less chances of kids to screw it up.
Half the problem are the kids in most relationships.
Here to identify character and personality weaknesses
The other the finances. Here to test the parents.
And the rest is personal make up and compatibility.
Older guys appreciate a BlowJoint every birthday.
Young louts want the job done every week.
I think something to do with service and maintenance plan.
Which car costs least maintenance to run.
And which is likely to bring in the insurance money sooner.
If you look at a child making observations in the recent society she grew up in;
Would that girl having witness or experienced a fatherless environment, alienation, conflicted parents, successful shared parenting (all or any combination)
In terms of mother ownership of her child,
Easiest way to get a compliant sperm Donner
Least likely to be a threat to her motherhood.
And what % of these relationships are marriages rather than a relationship?
@13 that’s deep. Pass.
If I was to hazard a guess…
re. witness or experienced a fatherless environment, alienation, conflicted parents,
I think likely to enter premature adolescent depression (conflict, neglect)
More likely to have poor impulse control (promiscuity, drugs , addictions)
Overall most likely to have issues entering and maintaining healthy adult relationships.
And definitely likely to be among the top 5% FC cases that take twenty years to unravel.
And of course MOST likely to see the child as a support person. (ownership, parental intrusion in child psyche)
For successful shared parenting… I have no experience or data.
My thoughts only
I spent a year living with 30 years old Chinese woman .I am 58 years old . the only reason we are nto together any more is her desire to have children while I was not that courageous . So, I told her to leave me and find a man who would like the same . We are still friends and she has a happy family as well .
I believe , most of the older man/younger woman IN new Zealand are relationship between former being Kiwi and the latter being Asian. My personal experience thought me :
1. Younger Assian woman ( 30 or so years old ) are more realistic than older Kiwi women ( 50 or so years old )
2. They are also friendlier , more confident , don’t suffer from political correctness , much less selfish and more family orientated that their local counter parts .Definitely they are not submissive in a normal relationship. If she is a submissive then she has a hidden agenda.
The problem is , after 6-8 months spent in NZ , some of them adopt the local women’s attitude .
That is the experience of some other Kiwi men that I know.
If i may be little bit racial , but nevertheless, realistic , I would say be careful with the women coming from the ” most advanced “Asian country .Just to avoid being called racial.
I can assure you that these thoughts and experiences are shared by most of Kiwi men .
Here’s happy story out of one sad day
[More often @avance is turning up in these stories – for a while I thought my faith in this imposter was misplaced but she seems to be getting the idea now.]
When I was younger I used to get pissed off when my husband was cooee about a friends’ wife, she was prissy and had guys do stuff for her, she loved and expected this kind of attention.
Myself, I was always one to do things for myself when ever possible and my husband loved and expected this of me and respected me for it.
So when he acted in response to her I would wonder why, I had seen this before with others.
I have seen men act this way for women and their wives/partners and it is the kind of thing they talk and laugh about in the absence of women.
I find it funny that often women like this I have known are also bossy toward their men.
I have also found that women who are hard when in the company of other women bullshit that they are anything but when around men. I find that women are far less genuine than men in general, less friendly and rather self serving not to mention sorry for themselves..they easily become takers.
I trust men sooooo much more than I would a woman.
For the first time in years I meet a woman I really like, her Dad is Austrian, shes twenty years my junior but we just hit it off, we both felt kinred, it is awesome..so strange that as a women you can go through life and not have kinredity from another chick, ..chicks can be arses.
mama @17. Wow! Quite an exposé.
I do find that women in NZ are a conundrum, they are independent but demanding, they portray an image, strong and painted but say ‘dont look at me’..and I am sure there are many more…
I meet a foreign chick and itsa no promblemo.
But for the unromantic woman, of which there are many, money and self will come first ,,beware..