MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Getting to know you…

Filed under: General — mama @ 10:56 am Tue 14th May 2019

It is difficult to get to know or getting to like a stranger who initially you thought you had something in common with.
This site is all inviting, but can be very harsh on character, it is easy to find yourself on the outer, but I have seen forgiveness and lightheartedness amongst the anger, frustration and fear and sadness that comes here too.

It is kinda like peoples from different abandoned towns meeting up, initially liking the company but then retreating to a lonely independence, a shadow of the independence you had before in your community which is now abandoned, you want what you had before and not some kind of replacement therapy.

I guess you have to ask yourself the question, can you continue to live alone, do you want to make a change or build new relationships???
Changing ourselves is so hard, but maybe if we help others to take small steps to better their lives in doing this we can help change our own for the better.


  1. This country has been in a form of civil war since last century.

    Not traditional war but of law and politics and words.

    The casualties, the wounded, the veterans of peace wander alone through this new civil paradise.

    Those that can look after themselves survive those that can’t die.

    It’s that brutal yet so accepted.

    You’re probably the first person to comment here that has tried to understand that because they not so tangled in their own predicament.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Tue 14th May 2019 @ 11:55 am

  2. “It’s that brutal yet so accepted”,,,weird since this new veil of love and empathy is supposedly so damn inclusive, so caring yet so unforgiving.

    The predicament may not be owned by myself but belongs to one so close it may as well be my pain, anger and frustration, he is mamed, I am his voice and as for the other once unsuspecting boys I know, where is their voice?

    This is a shambolic mess and all we have is the others who are like minded, we are up against it and need it to be together. I hate, HATE, that Men have been disempowered to be a strength in our country,our communities but especially our families, here in NZ we are being blind sided by movements that have been gathering momentum all along, so much so that democracy is becoming a LIE!

    Comment by mama — Tue 14th May 2019 @ 12:37 pm

  3. @2

    Remembering that the original concept of democracy was voted upon excluding women and slaves.

    Modern democracy has a very short history.

    It’s original failure in what we now call Greece likewise didn’t take long.

    Two aspects of our situation is that we have seen a shift from Representatives Government to Responsible Government and we’ve seen our parliament fall victim to ideology.

    I think it will take more than nice words from the mouths of politicians to survive that.

    Comment by Boonie — Tue 14th May 2019 @ 1:03 pm

  4. There sure are some history buffs here, I will have to find some reading space for Greece’s history.

    Where to from here?

    Comment by mama — Tue 14th May 2019 @ 1:23 pm

  5. Don’t take to long on that mama as the civil tribunal we call the family court is in conflict with the High Court.

    The High Court also rules the Law Society, now like all pieces of shit now has two dirty ends because the dog doesn’t know which tail to sniff first.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Tue 14th May 2019 @ 1:51 pm

  6. Thanks Evan, well I did not spend too long on that, democracy was a good dream but other styles have been successful and held grounded commonsense to call upon. The middle class is being made a dream now too, so I guess we are reverting some how politically. Power to the Peoples as long as you fit into the fashion of the day. Do not look back, do not remember what your father told you or indeed what your grandfather might have fought for a new bold world awaits for those who only look after themselves???

    Comment by mama — Tue 14th May 2019 @ 2:07 pm

  7. I heard the other day that back benchers now get one hundred and sixty grand, when sometime back they were on par with teachers shows how undemocratic our government has become.

    Our Prime Minister reportedly one of the highest paid out there too, it might be cheaper if we just name our Queen to become a Monarchy!…but no… we still have a voice so we must muster!!!

    Comment by mama — Tue 14th May 2019 @ 2:15 pm

  8. Campfire’s glow
    Name a song
    Or sing along
    Fill the air,
    Then half light
    Now all dark
    Just our luck
    Starry night
    And the milo
    Tastes just right.

    On Twitter on a Friday the NZ Book Council runs a word game under the hash tag

    They put up 6 words and you write a short verse of less than 140 characters.

    They supply a link to a writing pad that counts your characters so it is not a challenging exercise if you can copy and paste which you do with the finished article under the hash tag.

    It may not seem much but short verses can have a significant impression.

    It would be a small but worthwhile effort for those here to express male thought through this forum.

    As a tip. Read the 6 words and find one as a base for a theme.
    Then fit your other five words around that.

    In this case the word glow had some meaning for me from my early teenage years in Scouts.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Fri 17th May 2019 @ 9:36 am

  9. For those that don’t feel inclined to wax lyrical you will see others construct a sentence or two to express their thoughts as we often do here.

    Here’s a link for those interested.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Fri 17th May 2019 @ 9:49 am

  10. kinda like peoples from different abandoned towns – Do we really have to relate to each other in this distant and ineffective way?
    In my feelings, I was allowed to be present, but invisible-ised by familycaught$ at every step of the way. We should be aiming higher than that, in communications between us.
    Someone said that you can judge a society by how well they treat their most marginalised members?
    Judged on that standard, how well does the menz society treat its most marginalised or vulnerable members? I don’t watch carefully, but it often seems to me to be defence by attack. That seems to be as ineffective as the (dysfunctional at protecting children or parents) familycaught$.
    I am very concerned about the situations that many fathers find themselves in after “passing through” familycaught$. There is plenty of victim blaming going on. It is true that after the event, many of us fathers can be validly criticised for not making the best of that situation. But that is not the whole point, many of those men did act in good faith, but were deceived by our society and by familycaught$ legal workers. Victim blaming too often covers other people’s active roles in bare asset stripping those families, stripping both mothers and fathers.
    The issue that remains now, how as a menz society, are we supporting those fathers and mothers and children?
    Anyway, in a spirit of learning from our collective pasts, how did the Audi meeting go?
    I have seen a few obscure comments on menz, but nothing that gave a responsible overall impression of what successes and what failures resulted?
    Were any working relationships established?
    Were there any other useful outcomes?
    (I was at another meeting that coincided and that I had committed to attend prior.)

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Thu 23rd May 2019 @ 5:04 am

  11. I have desperately wanted to ask about the possible outcomes, if any, from last Novembers meet up of Menz guys,,, but not being a long timer I felt it was not my place, I was hoping for a development of a decent directory for Men to find information and help when needed. The only directory I have found was on the Mens’ Health site.

    Comment by mama — Thu 23rd May 2019 @ 10:38 am

  12. This link below is rather naf,,, and I would hope not too many horrid women discover it, but is does show some truths about relationships and points out the lack of care taken when the woman knows she does not, perhaps, have to work for the relationship, it may seem totally out dated but f k we are human, animal, flesh and blood and money, and staunch modern ways of BS thinking is thinking it can change who we are? how hard does one have to become to kill another human beings rights off….and if in this world we are bringing up people to be hard then how will any one be able to build relationships.

    Comment by mama — Thu 23rd May 2019 @ 10:47 am

  13. They move from elation to despair
    seeking insights and fleeting glimpses
    of Justice and yet, daily awaking
    amidst fumes of long lost dreams

    One reality for some and another for others
    every one with something to prove
    and a few just barely making it thru
    reeling with the agony of knowledge

    Like a distant stars millions of years
    dead, and yet, still alight within our sights
    Justice is something we see and breathe daily
    and yet not something one can ever grasp.

    WE have bought and sold but little knowing
    we also are bought and traded like common
    merchandise. A Dream a day and a penny a day
    with wealth of credibility but of thirst we die.

    in a stream of our own and berthed
    channelled within courts and Earth
    like a kindgom of the dead rising
    we float among an ocean of aborted dreams

    Witnesses we are that is all we can be
    dreamless we are and that is all we can grief
    Powerless we are and that is all within our might
    Loving and caring we are,,,and that is all our destiny

    Please shut your mind so you can hear
    And your ears so you can see
    and your eyes so you can feel
    This is the language of the heart

    One cannot stop the river with one’s hands alone
    nor can one drink the sea and leave the salt
    Even if all the trees were pens and the seas ink
    a drop of that sea of pain would fill all inkwells

    And yet life roars along
    And yet the children cry and then laugh
    and the birds sing in the morning and by day
    And still they sing by evening

    Comment by justcurious — Tue 28th May 2019 @ 10:53 pm

  14. a beautiful world indeed
    An agonizing world in deed

    Comment by justcurious — Tue 28th May 2019 @ 11:05 pm

  15. It seems that the Audi meeting concluded, in a silent super-explosion?
    So huge, that not a sound was ever heard, not even faint echoes or whimpers?
    Does that indicate extreme power?
    Does that indicate problem solved?
    Does that indicate that there never was a problem?
    Does that indicate a problem so cruel, that even collectively, no men can face it?
    Does that indicate that all of the excess testosterone in the world amounts to nothing at all?
    I still see Audis around the streets, but they all seem stopped and empty…… sad?
    Perhaps memories are all that survive of the gung ho men’s movement. Wrapped up warm and steaming in a plastic bag and thrown out.

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Fri 31st May 2019 @ 2:40 pm

  16. NO, HIS STORY built what we have today, the very platform that they , the ones in power pedestal upon…

    If all men went on strike today, well it doesnt bare thinkin about!… it is only technology that has allowed this runaway train to get so fast so canny….if we have a massive solar flare tomorrow and it takes all the power out it would again sort the men from the girls…in a flash there would be damnsels and they will be lucky to be saved.

    I know we can’t hope for a solar flare but we need to keep the sparks going.
    This Audi meeting might not have sparked but we do have fuel in ourselves, the numbers are starting to question blatancy,,, on the AM show just this morning the cover of the budget was brought into question, small but to a significant audience.

    Comment by mama — Fri 31st May 2019 @ 2:57 pm

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