The Family Court – Fraud and Suicide – Where to find your Dad.
The Wikipedia page says the definition of the term “Fraud” in law is intentional deception to secure unfair or unlawful gain, or to deprive a victim of a legal right.
Fraud can violate civil law (e.g., a fraud victim may sue the fraud perpetrator to avoid the fraud or recover monetary compensation) or criminal law (e.g., a fraud perpetrator may be prosecuted and imprisoned by governmental authorities), or it may cause no loss of money, property, or legal right but still be an element of another civil or criminal wrong.
The purpose of fraud may be monetary gain or other benefits.
In family court, the intentional deception to secure unfair or unlawful gain is carried out by pretending to love and care for someone when you don’t, the fraudster just wants the victims belongings and home.
If a female who intends to commit fraud lives in the victim’s home for 3 years or even just 1 and a bit years if there is a baby, can provoke the male victim to become angry, record it, then the male victim can lose the entire house, near all his belongings, his beloved children for near on 2 decades while she uses them.
The male victim is sent on a violence course, can be imprisoned if he makes contact with the fraudster or his children. At this point the female can move in her lover or new boyfriend.
The victim has to hand over his keys and not see his children. Sometimes for many years. He has to effectively start again while still paying for the outgoings on his property and children.
The female perpetrator is considered the victim and the male victim is considered the perpetrator.
He is unable to borrow to buy another home because he has to pay IRD outgoings to keep the female in his home. He will not be able to afford a lawyer and will probably go on legal aid.
Would that make the male victim to consider ending his own life? Yes – and the numbers are high. NZ Judges have identified many specific cases. IRD record how many dads die too. If the male commits suicide, the female is awarded everything.
That, in a nutshell, is the purpose of the Family Court. It does it with impunity, there are no pair reviews and there are no checks and balances. It was recently reported 7000 family court cases were before the NZ family court. That number is just the current and not the hundreds of thousands that have passed through. So you can see the situation is quite harmful to dads and children.
There are some violent males out there for sure. But nowhere near the number of wicked and deceitful women whos only intention is taking what they didn’t save and pay for.
It is important to understand if you are male, if you have assets or a good income you are the perfect target of a fraudster. She may be genuine from the beginning, however if she falls out of love with you, in love with another man, she can still provoke the male into raising his voice. That is called violence and therefore allow the fraudster to claim the family home, his children.
Suicide is considered a mental health problem. The male victim is unwell and should be held in hospital for observation and treatment. There are locks on the doors and bars on the windows. It is a prison with a medical person called a phycologist. A person who specialises in the study of mind and behaviour and the treatment of mental, emotional, and behavioural disorders.
Heres the thing. Anyone who works in family law knows full well the process, the path to suicide is manufactured by Governments to take a dads children and belongings. It’s a really big step to commit suicide. You see only an abused person who is placed in a position of hopelessness with little or no chance in the family court, a future of poverty, below the breadline, unable to create what he once had commits suicide.
The children are victims too. Some end up committing suicide.
You ask, how can you avoid this? Is there a way to avoid a female fraudsters? Yes, but is still carries some risk and the chance of getting a partner of worth is low. i.e. if you rent you are quite unattractive to fraudsters. There is also a chance the fraudster could claim normal intercourse as rape and have you tied up in expensive criminal court for a couple of years or worse, in prison for a decade.
The method is to never allow a potential fraudster in a property you own. Trusts are ineffective today. Rent out your home and rent a home yourself. Have that home in a managed trust company and have them employ property managers. It is important you never mix money with the managed trust. That is called diverting family income. The rent will have to cover periods where the property is empty or expensive maintenance like a repaint. This is not a failsafe.
If you are a grown child, your dad committed suicide it was probably because of what your mother did to secure the property for herself. How she restricted or stopped your dad from seeing you or being part of your life. What the Government allowed her to do. What can you do about it? Nothing really. Your mother will be in a position to say whatever she wants about your deceased dad.
You could try and find out more from your dads parents or his brothers and sisters, his place of work. You may have cousins your own age out there too. Just know, you are not alone. There are relatives who know you exist. You can call your dads family. I am quite sure they will welcome you.
All you have to know is your dad loved you but couldn’t cope with the shit melted out to him from your mother, the state, IRD and family court he was entrapped in.
If your dad is still alive, you should try and reach out to him. He will know you were alienated from him and will likely rejoice in your homecoming. But do not expect too much from him. He maybe a shadow of himself, less confident and not well off, still paying down debt and unable to keep his health up. If your dad says no, it possibly could be he may not be able to cope. Maybe he is worried about the nasty things your mother is likely to have said to you about him. Your dad, knowing how he was misled and deceived, may think you were sent to find him by your mother. Your dad may not want to engage with you because he doesn’t know your intentions, was set up in the past, knows he can still go to prison if you mentioned seeing you to his mother.
You may need a lawyer to help discharge the protection order. Unsure, but I think you can do this yourself by going to the court and filling in forms. You will need ID. I would do this first without telling your mother.
Try writing him a letter, or wait and try in a year. Buy him a gift, something small like a sunflower plant. Also, please remember you will have relations on his side. Maybe grandparents, aunts and uncles and or a step-brother or sister. Approaching them first could be a good first step.
Look up his lawyer he used, your lawyer who is called “lawyer for child.” You can search electoral roles. They are stored in the National Library or in other locations around NZ. You could try a real estate agent. They have access to databases to find people and property. Your dad may have changed his name to protect himself. Unsure Internal affairs may help. Reaching out to his parents, family may find him.
If your dad has died, i’m sorry about that. But his family will still be there for you.
It’s a crap situation for children but that is what your mother wanted, easily got it over the line with the full endorsement from the Government not only in NZ but around the western world.
Any questions, put them here. Other dads may be able to help.
Nicely put Lukenz. Notwithstanding that there are some bad men out there – bad, manipulative women are also out there. To those Father’s who do have contact with their children, when the time comes teach your sons about protecting themselves in a relationship. Little things like abandoning the traditional ‘stay home mum’ role and encouraging your spouse/partner to have a career will make a world of difference in a separation. Put the kids in daycare – it’s far cheaper than the alternative. Too many men are broken financially with the good old ‘I gave up my career to raise your kids’ line. And Father’s, teach your children not to be revengeful when a relationship ends. To try and make all your decisions around the welfare of the children as if you still loved each other.
And men who are right now defending a protection order built on false allegations – fight back. Don’t let your lawyer tow the line and simply put you on the family court conveyor belt. Fill your affidavits with rich detail refuting the allegations. Fight back and highlight her behaviour. Get affidavits from family/friends etc. You must balance the books so that your day in court is not one sided. And look forward to that day, you will have a voice and you will be heard. Don’t resort to yes/no answers. You are defending false allegations – prove it in the court room.
It becomes, a long game.
As contact may be restricted, for a decade or more.
But there are many more decades, in a persons life.
It is one thing to poison, the mind of a child.
It is another thing, when they become adults.
They can then judge, both sides of the story.
I often see the value of family, in peoples lives.
Those with conflict, and those separate as well.
It is a richer life, when they are still part of it.
So one must persevere, in trying to do the right thing.
When the child becomes the adult, will they see what that is.
Is your door open to them, and there’s to you.
No judge is deciding what to do, when they are adults.
In all the steps, it’s conflict resolution that fails.
How slow then, can the courts be.
If one is losing hope, in the present.
It cannot be good, if it drags on in delays.
Now we are resorting, to proving our innocence.
There must be hundreds of thousands, without functioning relationships with there fathers.
Or even know, who there father is.
Even if you did raise the child, you may hardly see them.
Our seperate lives, reduced to occasional visits.
In judging human civilisation, it doesn’t seem civilised.
On this issue, it’s like nothing has changed.
One can imagine caveman, doing just as well on the subject.
Maybe better, when experimenting with strict sex rules.
A DNA test, with a genealogy company may help.
And investigators, can find missing fathers.
Your father, may even not know he is a father.
There is countless reunions, that technology makes possible.
Nicely written, some good ideas there. I spent many years in family court and now my son won’t speak with me after being alienated by his mother. She also took out a protection order so I cant contact him. I’m focusing on my health and wellbeing, going to the gym, eating well, and mental health also, so I am in good shape if and when he reaches out. If he doesn’t then I will be in decent shape regardless. Being happy each day is a victory. I’ve spent years working through the grief and depression and anger but now I’m free. Jim Bagnell was a help when I was in court years ago. Jo Robertson was one of my ex wife’s lawyer’s a real nasty piece of work, who to my mind is quite deranged. She certainly hates men. Lawyer for Child was the infamous Wendy Galvin. Many of the Judges were biased but I had a couple who were good, but Galvin and the Family Court Coordinator made sure we kept getting the biased ones. Anyway, I just thought I’d share my story. My prayers go out to those of you still in court and to those of you separated from your children.
#4 Tony, I liked your comment.
You can end up, not knowing what to do next.
As what you could have done, is done.
The only thing left, is time.
This post about kids finding dads, is what time may create.
What will they find, when they come looking for you.
Will the find the bad man, mother taught them about.
Will it be the broken man, that they were better off with mum.
You talk of oneself, and being healthy.
Will they then find the working, and successful father.
Will they find there father, living with healthy relationships.
Would you want to be, the father waiting for judgement to visit.
Or will you be ready, to welcome it at any time.
I doubt any man, could pass all the tests.
Stress is a killer, of men.
How much stress, did Shane Warne have.
He was often attacked, for being male.
Flawed and brilliant, at the same time.
I had a major break through with the Family Court on Monday.
After wading through a sewer of allegations, exaggerations, EVIs, OT reports, LFC reports, Therapy reports, Police reports and defending a without notice PO (manufactured breaches) that (deep breath) made me homeless, without possessions, prevented from seeing or contacting my children for over 7 months, forced to complete a non violence program, PTS course, 2x Triple P parenting courses, paying the top 1% of child support, battling spousal maintenance and crippled financially (deep breath) becoming personally and emotionally broken at each blow and then having to watch my elderly father defend false allegations which almost cost him his life while I fought my own gravitational pull into a suicidal void spanning 2 years…
I finally obtained a 50/50 parenting order.
I salute all the Dads going through the meat grinder that is the Family Court.
I would like to say stay in the fight, it’s worth it in the end, you’ll get there etc – but to be brutally honest, there are men who have gone through, are going through, and will go through more than what I did and never make any ground. The process is so bloody biased that maybe there was some sort of cosmic event or the matrix glitched that day.
While I still have another spousal maintenance and relationship property battle ahead – I count myself as one of the few lucky Dad’s to come out the other end with the primary purpose of the fight – his children.
@6 firstly congratulations for the joint share custody of your children. I am wondering how you got through the violence program yet still defend the allegations. They won’t let you do the violence course without agreeing to the allegations. What is PTS Course and OT course? Did you have a female judge? A feminist judge? Do you ever think you will get into another relationship?
It’s nice to hear, good news.
I suspect most give up, yet you didn’t.
Equality is not a reward, that should be fought for.
I only managed, to win getting visits.
Great questions LukeNZ. The non-violence program is court ordered as part of the PO. You can through your lawyer to object attending. If you attend, this is not seen as an admission to any allegations. The program was actually a positive experience because it gave more of an insight into her behaviour than my own. I used the opportunity to say that I am a person who always believed in self-improvement, and I wasn’t going to fight the process. You also get a report from the program which was actually positive. So I treated it as something similar to a program an employee must do as part of an HR process. Most companies have diversity, culture and other HR programs. By attending these you are not saying you are gender biased or racist – you just have to do them. But if you approach it with an open mind you do actually get something out them.
PTS is a ‘Parenting Through Separation’ course – they are free and are run by Plunkett and Barnardos. They are also good as they give the tools to always keep the children the focal point and how to deal with a difficult parent so the children are protected from conflict.
Apologies, the OT stuff was not a course but Oranga Tamariki reports. I think I had the full house of govt agencies involved.
I have had so many different judges I lost count- Broughton, Druce, Muir, Maude, Keisenberg, Burns and a few others whose names escape me.
I must say, I was typically in a situation where I was the only male in a conference or hearing. No one blinks at eye at this and you dare not bring up gender diversity 🙂
I did get more ground when I had a male judge and the 50/50 development was through a male judge.
Do I think I will ever get into another relationship? The non-violence program had a great answer for this. The facilitator mentioned that in his own experience (after a 30 year marriage ended) and some time later when he began dating and found a new partner, that partner said to him after a a few month that he was still ‘checking her out’. And he said ‘Yes that’s correct’. He said he needed to know what she was like, would she do the same to him as his previous wife? How did her previous relationships end? Did she drag her previous husband through the Family Court. It was a ‘wow’ moment for me. A man looking for red flags.
I’m not going to actively look for a another relationship. Everything is still to raw.
I think I will just get a dog and focus on my children 🙂
@9. What a positive attitude you have.
I’ve been through some of what you have been through and it took me a long while to get to that positive way of thinking.
I’m curious as to which of those judges agreed to a 50/50 shared custody areangement? I bet it wasn’t Burns. Had my own run ins with him (so did the high court).
Focus on the kids and not on the past.
#6 Erasing Dad.
Whatever good luck you got, I got the opposite.
My trusty car, finally broke down.
But it was good to me, reaching my destination.
It will cost me, to save it from its fate.
And work has some stress, with difficult jobs.
I got the wishful thinking, as in you want me to do what!
So I must think up, a glitch in the matrix for them.
Maybe if I just look, I can find my own cosmic event.
#10 Would you believe it was Burns? Even my lawyer was surprised. But she said that judges often have lunch together and my ex is probably getting a reputation for abusing the system.
It’s been really hard to move forward and stay positive. So easy to look back and count the scars and be bitter. I was once told don’t expect justice from the Family Court and to stop chasing it. Once I learned to pick my battles and stay focused on the main goal (the children) time is the real challenge. Things just move so slowly.
#11 I truly hope your fortunes change. It really is a lottery.
And if luck would have it, I managed to fend off another spousal maintenance application and this time the judge (Muir) hinted I could scrape in to claim legal costs if I was so inclined.
What the heck is going on?