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MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Thu 30th July 2009

Pathways through Parental Separation

Filed under: Law & Courts — JohnPotter @ 10:28 am

Last week Scrap made a post about the recent Families Commission funded study on non-resident fathers.

If you missed it, here is the Media Release from Families Commission

You can download the report Pathways through Parental Separation here [PDF, 557K]

Since then, there have been a couple of mentions in the media, and author Phil Chapman has been interviewed twice on Radio NZ.

Separation Painful for Fathers
Tuesday, 21 July 2009, 2:01 pm
Press Release: Relationship Services

“We agree that there is a need for support or coaching for parents who are going through a separation. It can make a big difference to their lives, and to their children,” said [Cary Hayward, National Practice Manager of Relationship Services].

The fathers in the report also believed that the counselling process seemed to suit women more. “This is something which, as counsellors, we need to be aware of.”

“It’s important that men find a counsellor they are comfortable with, that they can talk with”, said Mr Hayward. “Often men will find it easier to talk to a male counsellor.” A quarter of Relationship Services counsellors are men.


Sat 25th July 2009

Example of delivering suicide triggers – judge dale green

Filed under: General — MurrayBacon @ 10:52 am

Good morning judge green, now known as judge clarkson.

I met you at a familycaught hearing at 10 am on 6th October 1992. I had applied for this hearing 10 months earlier, after my children were abducted from my settled care and then re-enrolled into schools in the mother’s area. Although I applied to the familycaught in good faith, you used every available delaying tactic, so that it could be said that the children were now in the mother’s settled care. Essentially, you manufactured evidence, to support the child abducting mother.

As I walked into the hearing, I had known for 9 months that the hearing would be a charade, could only be a charade, just a dishonest window dressing amateur theatre. The fact that you had left the children in her care and delayed access to a hearing for 11 months, made it clear that your decision about whether to return the children after abduction, had actually been taken when the familycaught received the papers, that is before the evidence had been heard.

The only information that your decision was based on – was that the abductor was the mother.

Request for you to share your suicidal ideation experience

Filed under: General — MurrayBacon @ 10:48 am

Whose Finger Pulled the Suicide Trigger?

The TVNZ website, source NZPA had the following report:

Bevin said the Father’s Coalition had wanted to raise with the commission a range of issues, particularly the likelihood that family break-ups, and events such as separations and divorces, were key factors in a high incidence of suicide among middle-aged men.
This “man-toll” comprised many of the 300 men among the 500 annual suicides, he said.
But curry said the coalition’s concerns about Family Court proceeds potentially being a trigger for suicide had been confirmed by the court’s principal judge, Peter Boshier.

Mr. Kerry Bevin’s speech didn’t narrow down the culpable parties. I have tried to point the finger in what I believe is the largest single culpable direction – “judges”.

My interest in parental suicide, on forced separation from children, was triggered by listening to a speech given by Dr. Vivian Roberts, a Hastings GP.

My initial reaction was of total disbelief. Something wasn’t lying right, but it took me a few weeks to put my finger on it.

Cheap Trick or Courtesy – Families Commission

Filed under: General — MurrayBacon @ 9:14 am

The Families Commission cancelled a meeting with a group of loudmouthed, somewhat poor, self-opinionated fathers.

Having taken the decision about one week prior, they notified these fathers, as they tried to walk into the Families Commission building in Wellington.

If we look at the constructiveness of the Families Commission action, we can see that if they had given earlier notice of their desire to stand up, they would have saved these somewhat poor fathers the costs of travel and taking time off work.

A different word from constructiveness is courtesy!

Fri 24th July 2009

Recent Incest Case brings Police Voyeurs into the Open

Filed under: General — MurrayBacon @ 11:07 pm

Living comfortably with our human reality – we are animals
Putting responsibility where it is due – on the original decision-maker.

A recent incest case in Auckland District Caught brings home how some of our legislation is quite out of touch with our human reality.

When children are separated from siblings or a parent at an early age and they meet as adults, they are at very high risk of developing a sexual attachment. (For this reason, organisations who assist adoptees remaking contact with family, usually supervise first introductions, to protect them from overreacting to the intense emotions that may occur from the initial introduction.)

The Kiss by Kathryn Harrison A Study in Obsession

Filed under: General — MurrayBacon @ 10:49 pm

The Kiss by Kathryn Harrison
1350 Avenue of the Americas New York, New York 10019
In this extraordinary memoir, one of today’s best young American writers transforms into a work of art the darkest passage imaginable in a young woman’s life: an obsessive love affair between father and daughter that began when the author, then twenty years old, was reunited with the father whose absence had haunted her youth. Exquisitely and hypnotically written, like a bold and terrifying dream, The Kiss is breathtaking in its honesty, power, and beauty. It is a story about taboo, about family complicity in breaking taboo, and about the most primal of love triangles: the one that ensnares a child between mother and father
We meet at airports. We meet in cities where we’ve never been before. We meet where no one will recognize us.
One of us flies, the other brings a car, and in it we set out for some destination. Increasingly, the places we go are unreal places: the Petrified Forest, Monument Valley, the Grand Canyon-places as stark and beautiful and deadly as those revealed in satellite photographs of distant planets. Airless, burning, in-human.
Against such backdrops, my father takes my face in his hands. He tips it up and kisses my closed eyes, my throat. I feel his fingers in the hair at the nape of my neck. I feel his hot breath on my eyelids.

Father’s protest outside Families Commission

Filed under: General,Law & Courts — Julie @ 1:04 pm

Hans writes..

The Families Commission had made a commitment to meet next week with a small group of fathers who have been active in the men’s movement, mainly professional people myself included. A main theme for discussion was to be the high male suicide rate and its relationship to social policy and family law. However, following Jim Bagnall’s campaign in an Auckland school that was publicized in last weekend’s Sunday News, the Families Commission decided to back out of the meeting.

In response protests were organised for Wellington and Auckland.

A men’s lobby on Wednesday staged a protest outside the Families Commission in Wellington after the commission cancelled a scheduled meeting with its representatives.

Wed 22nd July 2009

Pathways Through Seperation

Filed under: Boys / Youth / Education,Child Support,General — Scrap_The_CSA @ 11:08 pm

Media release – Familes Commission

Non-resident fathers study suggests more support needed

21 July 2009

A group of separated fathers who experienced enormous grief and frustration when they were no longer able to live with their children have told researchers that community services do not provide the help they needed.

The study Pathways through Parental Separation [PDF, 557K], funded by the Families Commission Innovative Practice Fund, analysed discussions with 20 non-resident fathers to find strategies for supporting fathers through the process of separation.

Mon 20th July 2009

Broken Promises

Filed under: General — triassic @ 2:28 am

Wife wins in court’s property shock

The above article supplies more evidence that the politicians are incapable of passing laws that promise to…. “PROVIDE CLARITY AND CERTAINTY”… as suggested by Margaret Wilson MP when she passed the 2002 ammendment to the Property Relationship Act 1976

Contracts and agreements without the protection of well written law have no value at all and only encourage couples to enter into a ‘no win’ court fight. It cannot be said that court action costs the country money as all costs are within our own economy, however the social costs are astronomical.

Can you think why this may not be of importance to the law makers??? Might they perhaps consider it’s OK to have couples deal with incompetent law so long as money comes their way????


Thu 16th July 2009

Child support shared care provisions under review

Filed under: Child Support — Scrap_The_CSA @ 3:33 pm

08 April 2008

Child support shared care provisions under review

The government is looking at ways of improving the child support scheme to make it more responsive to factors such as the complexities of shared care, the income levels of both parents and the costs of raising children. For more information see themedia statement.
This is the only publicised Child Tax Review.Regards, Scrap

Tue 14th July 2009

re Shaping our Radical Feminist Future

Filed under: Domestic Violence — JohnPotter @ 9:10 pm

I’ve just been sent a flier advertising a series of workshops about to be run throughout the country by the Hamilton Abuse Intervention Project. Anyone who knows the history of the 1995 Domestic Violence Act will have alarm bells going off at this point I’m sure. The workshops are called:

re Shaping our Future – conversations with Lundy Bancroft

The flier tells us that Bancroft “provides training to advocates, practitioners, Judges, lawyers, law enforcement officers and Corrections staff in assessing the risk to children living with a violent adult in their home.” The sessions are intended to critically review our thinking and practices around child saftey and how we might work to build stronger bonds between the non-abusive parent and their children.”

Lundy himself doesn’t bother using gender-neutral Femspeak such as “violent adult” instead of father, and “non-abusive parent” instead of mother; he spells out exactly where he is coming from:

In his book “Disorder in the Courts” Lundy has written…”our society is currently giving mothers a powerful and crazy-making mixed message. First, it says to mothers, “if your children’s father is violent or abusive to you or your children, you should leave him in order to keep your children from being exposed to his behaviour.”

But then, if the mother does leave, the society many times appears to do an abrupt about-face, and say, “Now that you are split up from your abusive partner, you must expose your children to him. Only now you must send them alone with him, without you being around anymore to keep an eye on whether they are okay.”


Child Support – Families Commission poll

Filed under: Child Support,General — Julie @ 6:31 pm

The Families Commission wants to have a better understanding of what separated parents need to help them make care, contact and financial arrangements for their children.

We would like to hear from you about your experiences with, and knowledge of, separated parenting. We are interested in hearing from all Couch members on this issue, regardless of whether you’re a separated parent or not.

Your feedback will help us contribute to the IRD’s upcoming review of the Child Support system, and will complement our existing and ongoing research on these issues.

Please take the time to share some of your wisdom. The more we have dialogue the greater chance we have of finding good solutions for all involved.

Sun 12th July 2009

News Review, June 2009, Part 2

Filed under: General — Ministry of Men's Affairs @ 3:02 pm

Lots more news, considered in the light of modern gender politics. It really is incredible to take note, every day, right in front of our eyes, of what is happening to damage men, and to see the constant evidence against massive bale-bashing propoganda that seems to continue regardless.

There is a lot of material here and I hope some enjoy the read. Having all these articles together might be a useful resource in lobbying etc. If at some future time the links expire, I am now keeping a copy of the full text of the news articles discussed and I can provide them on request. (more…)

Mon 6th July 2009

where is the legal help??

Filed under: Domestic Violence,Law & Courts — crijken @ 9:59 pm

Hi there,

About 6 months ago I applied for day-to-day care of my 16 month year old daughter. We eventually done counseling and came to an agreement. My ex and I were still trying to be friends and we still having a sexual relationship, and everything looked fine.

Then in the space of bout twenty fours hours this all changed. She took it to a judicial conference and claimed I was violent towards her when we were in a relationship, I have drug and alcohol problems, I suffer from depression and was on medication (my doctor is still trying to find that in my medical file ), and my house was damp and moldy and smelled of cigarettes.

The courts have “directed” me to do anger management, drug and alcohol counseling, a parenting course, a letter of welling being from my GP and a social workers report. (more…)

Men’s refuge proposed in Tauranga

Filed under: Domestic Violence,General — Julie @ 4:43 pm

Denise Rewi, Tauranga Women’s Refuge advocate wants more responsibility put on male perpetrators of domestic violence. She says a men’s refuge for perpetrators of men’s violence would put the focus in the right place.

Hmm, I had to ponder on this and make a few phone calls to see if this was something the collective of women’s refuges had their hand on. From the information I have been given, the answer is “No” but I think it might be put on the table now for discussion.

Angry Harry, a well known and respected men’s online advocate has been saying this all along.

If the feminists and the women’s groups were really concerned about domestic violence against women, they would be demanding that aggressing men were given the option of getting help.

And the fact that they vigorously oppose providing any help to men says a lot


Sun 5th July 2009

News Review from June 2009, part One

Filed under: General — Ministry of Men's Affairs @ 4:10 pm

So much news, so little time! Grab a cuppa and sit down to consider some noteworthy recent events from the perspective of aware men and fathers. More than one post will be needed to show the cavalcade of relevant stories. (more…)

Sat 4th July 2009

Bank of New Zealand v Bad Dad

Filed under: Domestic Violence,General,Law & Courts — Julie @ 11:04 pm

Media release from the Political Busker.

On Tuesday July 7th the Bank of New Zealand has filed proceedings against Wellington’s Political Busker, Benjamin Easton. The Bank is responding to proceedings of judicial review filed against them by Mr Easton. Easton claims that in June 2008 the Bank funded an advertisement that was gender offensive and unlawfully discriminatory against fatherhood.


Filed under: Events — Julie @ 9:12 am

Hosted by His Worship, Hon. John Banks, QSO, Mayor Auckland City and chaired by Bruce Pilbrow, CEO Parents Inc.

Parents Inc. holds a number of one off events throughout the year, the largest being the Auckland Mayoral Fathers’ Breakfast. This event was first launched in 1994 by the then Mayor of Auckland, Les Mills. Over the last 15 years thousands of fathers have attended this hugely popular annual breakfast.

“Being a Dad is the most important job a man can do, so we’re offering advice and support to fathers so they can do their job better. The breakfast is also really good fun and a great feed,” says Ian Grant.

Each breakfast has had a star line-up of speakers, such as Nick Farr-Jones, Todd Blackadder, Sean Fitzpatrick, Stephen Tindall and Neil Finn. “The speakers we’ve had at the breakfasts over the years have been from all sorts of professions — sports, business, medicine, entertainment — but they all have one thing in common,” says Ian, “They’re all outstanding fathers.”

Speakers present their personal experience of fatherhood, sharing the things that have worked and the things that haven’t. The practical nature of the speakers’ advice, combined with the atmosphere generated by more than 700 fathers in a room, makes for a powerful event.

Venue: Vector Arena; 42 Mahuhu Crescent Parnell, Auckland

Cost:$55 per person
$550 per table of 11
(includes cooked breakfast)


Phone Parents Inc. on 09 524 1387
Email: fathers.breakfast@parentsinc.org.nz

True Story…..You Be The Judge

Filed under: General — Blah @ 1:34 am

Man meets a lady in 2003. They have a casual sexual relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. The man uses condoms every time. Lady says she is pregnant to the man. 2004 a son is born. Man is adamant that he used condoms every time. So man asks lady for a DNA test. Lady agrees and the DNA test was done. The lady gives the man the results which states that he is 99.9% the father to this child. So man accepts the fact that he has become a father due to the results of a DNA test. Lady says to man “I want the DNA test back to destroy the evidence as she didn’t want the son to find out that this has ever happened. Man didn’t think that there was anything wrong with this, so he gives the DNA test back to the lady. He says to the lady that he will do everything he can to support his son. The man has never lived with this lady, so he was picking his son up either every weekend or every second weekend to spend time with his son. He paid for most of the necessities for his son i.e. nappies, formula, wipes, baby food etc. Spending almost $6,000 dollars in the first three years of the child’s life. He set up a bank account with the lady in the form of a trust for their son. Man putting into the account over 5 years of the child’s life $6,500, lady only putting $125. Man paying $60 a fortnight into the lady bank account to pay for daycare. Although the lady wasn’t working she wanted time out from her son.

Fri 3rd July 2009

Judge steps down to help fathers

Filed under: General,Law & Courts — Julie @ 6:50 pm

Leah Ward Sears became the first woman and youngest person appointed to Georgia’s highest court in 1992.

But she stepped down this week as Chief Justice of the Georgia Supreme Court after her brother’s suicide. She found amongst his personal effects a questionnaire he had completed in 2005 for a church class.

The very first question was a fill-in-the-blank that went like this: “At the end of my life, I’d love to be able to look back and know I’d done something about …..”

“Fathers,” Tommy wrote.

When asked to identify something that angered him that could be changed, Tommy wrote, “Re-establishment of equity and balance and sanity within the American family.”


Anti-corporal punishment lobbyists abuse the scientific process to further their pernicious political cause

Filed under: General,Law & Courts — Julie @ 10:18 am

By Barbara Faithfull

On 16th June 2009 I wrote (in “The fraudulent case against corporal punishment”) : “The anti-corporal punishment lobbyists operate dishonestly” etc. Nevertheless I hardly expected them so soon to provide the excellent proof of that assertion which has come to hand over the past few days via abuse of the scientific process. Professional statisticians are strangely slow to challenge this sort of deceitful lobbying, so I feel bound to make some effort in that direction.

Wed 1st July 2009

Principal Family Court Judge Boshier on TV One

Filed under: Domestic Violence,General,Law & Courts — Julie @ 7:17 pm

From Peter Zohrab

What do people think of what Judge Boshier said on TV One ? You can read what he said at tvnz.co.nz.

Watch the video here.

In particular, what do you think about what he said about Family Court statistics? You can see the statistics at:

He is saying that the stats prove that fathers and mothers are treated equally. What is our response to that?

Family in strife after kids left alone in park

Filed under: General — Julie @ 5:55 pm

Sunday Star Times 28 June 2009
A Christchurch dad who let his nine-year-old son and four-year-old daughter play at a school park unsupervised is furious the government’s child welfare agency is now investigating his family. The case highlights the dilemma parents face in striking a balance between protecting their children and risk them becoming bubble-wrapped kids and giving them a taste of the freedom and independence parents themselves enjoyed as youngsters. READ MORE
Children’s Commissioner says parents took ‘risk’ letting kids play alone The Press 29 June 2009 READ MORE
Family First Comment : The concerning aspect about this case is that CYF is investigating the family. Parents take ‘risks’ every day as they allow their children to undertake potentially ‘dangerous’ activities e.g. letting a son play rugby, letting a daughter do gymnastics, walking to school etc. Previously we could trust our communities to keep an eye out for each other. We are quickly creating a ‘paranoid parenting’ environment. An investigation by CYF suggests that these parents are being irresponsible. Or is that where we’ve got to as a society??

Read More: Family First News

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