My day started with a map showing directions to the venue. OK, so all who know me well know I always get lost and some of you know how I end up far away and asking for directions from strangers on the side of the road. Well, strangers in the city is a funny thing because people know how to get there but are unsure how to describe the way. Anyhow, I finally arrived moments before morning tea.
Being prepared with 30 copies of over 100 pages of documentation proving women are more violent than men from Paul Catton, East Auckland Men’s Refuge, who made the most incredible 5 star meal for me when I picked up all his hard work and copying, I started my work; finding out who was who.
“Hello, who are you and what group are you from?” was the start of my awesome discussions. “Do you have something for male victims of domestic violence?” was my second question after I introduced myself and that I was involved with ‘Auckland Single Parent’s’ group. (more…)
Are today’s boys and young men more destructive and out of control?
What can we do to ‘hook’ boys in to learning and raise their achievement? Do we have different standards and expectations for boys and girls?
The workshop will answer these questions by examining a number of powerful ideas. These ideas impact on young males whether they are at preschool, primary, secondary, university or starting work.
Boys have wonderful qualities which need to be recognised and developed
Boys require rules, responsibilities, consequences, challenges and expectations.
School is wherever a boy can learn
Movement and the outdoors are crucial in a boy’s learning and development
The relationship between teacher and boy is a crucial factor for learning
There are powerful influences (entertainment, role models) in our homes and communities that harm our boys.
Should Domestic Violence in New Zealand be portrayed as men are batterers and women are victims? Should we really be shown one sided abuse through Family Violence campaigns, policies, advertisements on TV and radio? Should our laws, police work and community care reflect this Ideology of men are bad and women are good?
Here is something worth watching to gain some perspective of what’s going on with Domestic Violence and Ideology from Paul Elam aka avoiceformen.com
“We agree that there is a need for support or coaching for parents who are going through a separation. It can make a big difference to their lives, and to their children,” said [Cary Hayward, National Practice Manager of Relationship Services].
The fathers in the report also believed that the counselling process seemed to suit women more. “This is something which, as counsellors, we need to be aware of.”
“It’s important that men find a counsellor they are comfortable with, that they can talk with”, said Mr Hayward. “Often men will find it easier to talk to a male counsellor.” A quarter of Relationship Services counsellors are men.
Good morning judge green, now known as judge clarkson.
I met you at a familycaught hearing at 10 am on 6th October 1992. I had applied for this hearing 10 months earlier, after my children were abducted from my settled care and then re-enrolled into schools in the mother’s area. Although I applied to the familycaught in good faith, you used every available delaying tactic, so that it could be said that the children were now in the mother’s settled care. Essentially, you manufactured evidence, to support the child abducting mother.
As I walked into the hearing, I had known for 9 months that the hearing would be a charade, could only be a charade, just a dishonest window dressing amateur theatre. The fact that you had left the children in her care and delayed access to a hearing for 11 months, made it clear that your decision about whether to return the children after abduction, had actually been taken when the familycaught received the papers, that is before the evidence had been heard.
The only information that your decision was based on – was that the abductor was the mother. (more…)
Bevin said the Father’s Coalition had wanted to raise with the commission a range of issues, particularly the likelihood that family break-ups, and events such as separations and divorces, were key factors in a high incidence of suicide among middle-aged men.
This “man-toll” comprised many of the 300 men among the 500 annual suicides, he said.
But curry said the coalition’s concerns about Family Court proceeds potentially being a trigger for suicide had been confirmed by the court’s principal judge, Peter Boshier.
Mr. Kerry Bevin’s speech didn’t narrow down the culpable parties. I have tried to point the finger in what I believe is the largest single culpable direction – “judges”.
My interest in parental suicide, on forced separation from children, was triggered by listening to a speech given by Dr. Vivian Roberts, a Hastings GP.
My initial reaction was of total disbelief. Something wasn’t lying right, but it took me a few weeks to put my finger on it. (more…)
The Families Commission cancelled a meeting with a group of loudmouthed, somewhat poor, self-opinionated fathers.
Having taken the decision about one week prior, they notified these fathers, as they tried to walk into the Families Commission building in Wellington.
If we look at the constructiveness of the Families Commission action, we can see that if they had given earlier notice of their desire to stand up, they would have saved these somewhat poor fathers the costs of travel and taking time off work.
A different word from constructiveness is courtesy! (more…)
When children are separated from siblings or a parent at an early age and they meet as adults, they are at very high risk of developing a sexual attachment. (For this reason, organisations who assist adoptees remaking contact with family, usually supervise first introductions, to protect them from overreacting to the intense emotions that may occur from the initial introduction.) (more…)
The Kiss by Kathryn Harrison
AVON BOOKS, INC.
1350 Avenue of the Americas New York, New York 10019
In this extraordinary memoir, one of today’s best young American writers transforms into a work of art the darkest passage imaginable in a young woman’s life: an obsessive love affair between father and daughter that began when the author, then twenty years old, was reunited with the father whose absence had haunted her youth. Exquisitely and hypnotically written, like a bold and terrifying dream, The Kiss is breathtaking in its honesty, power, and beauty. It is a story about taboo, about family complicity in breaking taboo, and about the most primal of love triangles: the one that ensnares a child between mother and father
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We meet at airports. We meet in cities where we’ve never been before. We meet where no one will recognize us.
One of us flies, the other brings a car, and in it we set out for some destination. Increasingly, the places we go are unreal places: the Petrified Forest, Monument Valley, the Grand Canyon-places as stark and beautiful and deadly as those revealed in satellite photographs of distant planets. Airless, burning, in-human.
Against such backdrops, my father takes my face in his hands. He tips it up and kisses my closed eyes, my throat. I feel his fingers in the hair at the nape of my neck. I feel his hot breath on my eyelids. (more…)
The Families Commission had made a commitment to meet next week with a small group of fathers who have been active in the men’s movement, mainly professional people myself included. A main theme for discussion was to be the high male suicide rate and its relationship to social policy and family law. However, following Jim Bagnall’s campaign in an Auckland school that was publicized in last weekend’s Sunday News, the Families Commission decided to back out of the meeting.
In response protests were organised for Wellington and Auckland.
A men’s lobby on Wednesday staged a protest outside the Families Commission in Wellington after the commission cancelled a scheduled meeting with its representatives. (more…)
Non-resident fathers study suggests more support needed
21 July 2009
A group of separated fathers who experienced enormous grief and frustration when they were no longer able to live with their children have told researchers that community services do not provide the help they needed.
The study Pathways through Parental Separation [PDF, 557K], funded by the Families Commission Innovative Practice Fund, analysed discussions with 20 non-resident fathers to find strategies for supporting fathers through the process of separation.
The above article supplies more evidence that the politicians are incapable of passing laws that promise to…. “PROVIDE CLARITY AND CERTAINTY”… as suggested by Margaret Wilson MP when she passed the 2002 ammendment to the Property Relationship Act 1976
Contracts and agreements without the protection of well written law have no value at all and only encourage couples to enter into a ‘no win’ court fight. It cannot be said that court action costs the country money as all costs are within our own economy, however the social costs are astronomical.
Can you think why this may not be of importance to the law makers??? Might they perhaps consider it’s OK to have couples deal with incompetent law so long as money comes their way????
Filed under: Child Support — Scrap_The_CSA @ 3:33 pm
08 April 2008
Child support shared care provisions under review
The government is looking at ways of improving the child support scheme to make it more responsive to factors such as the complexities of shared care, the income levels of both parents and the costs of raising children. For more information see themedia statement. This is the only publicised Child Tax Review.Regards, Scrap
I’ve just been sent a flier advertising a series of workshops about to be run throughout the country by the Hamilton Abuse Intervention Project. Anyone who knows the history of the 1995 Domestic Violence Act will have alarm bells going off at this point I’m sure. The workshops are called:
re Shaping our Future – conversations with Lundy Bancroft
The flier tells us that Bancroft “provides training to advocates, practitioners, Judges, lawyers, law enforcement officers and Corrections staff in assessing the risk to children living with a violent adult in their home.” The sessions are intended to critically review our thinking and practices around child saftey and how we might work to build stronger bonds between the non-abusive parent and their children.”
Lundy himself doesn’t bother using gender-neutral Femspeak such as “violent adult” instead of father, and “non-abusive parent” instead of mother; he spells out exactly where he is coming from:
In his book “Disorder in the Courts” Lundy has written…”our society is currently giving mothers a powerful and crazy-making mixed message. First, it says to mothers, “if your children’s father is violent or abusive to you or your children, you should leave him in order to keep your children from being exposed to his behaviour.”
But then, if the mother does leave, the society many times appears to do an abrupt about-face, and say, “Now that you are split up from your abusive partner, you must expose your children to him. Only now you must send them alone with him, without you being around anymore to keep an eye on whether they are okay.”
The Families Commission wants to have a better understanding of what separated parents need to help them make care, contact and financial arrangements for their children.
We would like to hear from you about your experiences with, and knowledge of, separated parenting. We are interested in hearing from all Couch members on this issue, regardless of whether you’re a separated parent or not.
Your feedback will help us contribute to the IRD’s upcoming review of the Child Support system, and will complement our existing and ongoing research on these issues.
Please take the time to share some of your wisdom. The more we have dialogue the greater chance we have of finding good solutions for all involved.
Filed under: General — Ministry of Men's Affairs @ 3:02 pm
Lots more news, considered in the light of modern gender politics. It really is incredible to take note, every day, right in front of our eyes, of what is happening to damage men, and to see the constant evidence against massive bale-bashing propoganda that seems to continue regardless.
There is a lot of material here and I hope some enjoy the read. Having all these articles together might be a useful resource in lobbying etc. If at some future time the links expire, I am now keeping a copy of the full text of the news articles discussed and I can provide them on request. (more…)
About 6 months ago I applied for day-to-day care of my 16 month year old daughter. We eventually done counseling and came to an agreement. My ex and I were still trying to be friends and we still having a sexual relationship, and everything looked fine.
Then in the space of bout twenty fours hours this all changed. She took it to a judicial conference and claimed I was violent towards her when we were in a relationship, I have drug and alcohol problems, I suffer from depression and was on medication (my doctor is still trying to find that in my medical file ), and my house was damp and moldy and smelled of cigarettes.
The courts have “directed” me to do anger management, drug and alcohol counseling, a parenting course, a letter of welling being from my GP and a social workers report. (more…)
Denise Rewi, Tauranga Women’s Refuge advocate wants more responsibility put on male perpetrators of domestic violence. She says a men’s refuge for perpetrators of men’s violence would put the focus in the right place.
Hmm, I had to ponder on this and make a few phone calls to see if this was something the collective of women’s refuges had their hand on. From the information I have been given, the answer is “No” but I think it might be put on the table now for discussion.
Angry Harry, a well known and respected men’s online advocate has been saying this all along.
If the feminists and the women’s groups were really concerned about domestic violence against women, they would be demanding that aggressing men were given the option of getting help.
And the fact that they vigorously oppose providing any help to men says a lot
Filed under: General — Ministry of Men's Affairs @ 4:10 pm
So much news, so little time! Grab a cuppa and sit down to consider some noteworthy recent events from the perspective of aware men and fathers. More than one post will be needed to show the cavalcade of relevant stories. (more…)
On Tuesday July 7th the Bank of New Zealand has filed proceedings against Wellington’s Political Busker, Benjamin Easton. The Bank is responding to proceedings of judicial review filed against them by Mr Easton. Easton claims that in June 2008 the Bank funded an advertisement that was gender offensive and unlawfully discriminatory against fatherhood. (more…)
Hosted by His Worship, Hon. John Banks, QSO, Mayor Auckland City and chaired by Bruce Pilbrow, CEO Parents Inc.
Parents Inc. holds a number of one off events throughout the year, the largest being the Auckland Mayoral Fathers’ Breakfast. This event was first launched in 1994 by the then Mayor of Auckland, Les Mills. Over the last 15 years thousands of fathers have attended this hugely popular annual breakfast.
“Being a Dad is the most important job a man can do, so we’re offering advice and support to fathers so they can do their job better. The breakfast is also really good fun and a great feed,” says Ian Grant.
Each breakfast has had a star line-up of speakers, such as Nick Farr-Jones, Todd Blackadder, Sean Fitzpatrick, Stephen Tindall and Neil Finn. “The speakers we’ve had at the breakfasts over the years have been from all sorts of professions — sports, business, medicine, entertainment — but they all have one thing in common,” says Ian, “They’re all outstanding fathers.”
Speakers present their personal experience of fatherhood, sharing the things that have worked and the things that haven’t. The practical nature of the speakers’ advice, combined with the atmosphere generated by more than 700 fathers in a room, makes for a powerful event.
Man meets a lady in 2003. They have a casual sexual relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. The man uses condoms every time. Lady says she is pregnant to the man. 2004 a son is born. Man is adamant that he used condoms every time. So man asks lady for a DNA test. Lady agrees and the DNA test was done. The lady gives the man the results which states that he is 99.9% the father to this child. So man accepts the fact that he has become a father due to the results of a DNA test. Lady says to man “I want the DNA test back to destroy the evidence as she didn’t want the son to find out that this has ever happened. Man didn’t think that there was anything wrong with this, so he gives the DNA test back to the lady. He says to the lady that he will do everything he can to support his son. The man has never lived with this lady, so he was picking his son up either every weekend or every second weekend to spend time with his son. He paid for most of the necessities for his son i.e. nappies, formula, wipes, baby food etc. Spending almost $6,000 dollars in the first three years of the child’s life. He set up a bank account with the lady in the form of a trust for their son. Man putting into the account over 5 years of the child’s life $6,500, lady only putting $125. Man paying $60 a fortnight into the lady bank account to pay for daycare. Although the lady wasn’t working she wanted time out from her son. (more…)
Leah Ward Sears became the first woman and youngest person appointed to Georgia’s highest court in 1992.
But she stepped down this week as Chief Justice of the Georgia Supreme Court after her brother’s suicide. She found amongst his personal effects a questionnaire he had completed in 2005 for a church class.
The very first question was a fill-in-the-blank that went like this: “At the end of my life, I’d love to be able to look back and know I’d done something about …..”
“Fathers,” Tommy wrote.
When asked to identify something that angered him that could be changed, Tommy wrote, “Re-establishment of equity and balance and sanity within the American family.”
On 16th June 2009 I wrote (in “The fraudulent case against corporal punishment”) : “The anti-corporal punishment lobbyists operate dishonestly” etc. Nevertheless I hardly expected them so soon to provide the excellent proof of that assertion which has come to hand over the past few days via abuse of the scientific process. Professional statisticians are strangely slow to challenge this sort of deceitful lobbying, so I feel bound to make some effort in that direction. (more…)
NZ's legislation and public policy is often influenced by advocacy research, which is designed to produce a pre-determined outcome. A classic example is the Hitting Home Report, winner of the 1995 NZ Skeptics Society ‘Bent Spoon Award'.
Nearly 30 years later, the committee declared the award was not justified, and appologised for “lack of critical thinking”.
NZ teacher Peter Joyce’s settled life was disrupted when a woman he had never met accused him of historic rape. With a unique brand of angry humour, his diary plots the stages of his despair and traces his attempts to find justice in the face of the current insistence that we must “believe the victim”.
Dry Ice is a compelling memoir, but much more. The accusation made the writer a reluctant expert on similar cases from all over the world. He throws light on everything that limits public knowledge of false sexual allegations, from dangerous counselling to flawed statistics, and he exposes police investigation methods as blinkered, inefficient and insensitive.
