I am certain that many of you on this site have moved on, having met another woman and have embarked on the journey of step parenting.
Your new woman shares responsibility with her ex partner to raise her children, but where in the equation do you as a step parent fit in?
We have read about permissive parent in one of the posts recently and often this is so true in most situations. Your new partner may be on a mission to compete with her ex partner to be the better parent. So the children get to spend countless hours playing playstation or having excessive long showers etc. etc. and nothing is said.
As a step parent you may feel that you want to co-parent with your new partner, but you may feel like you have a gagging order. Not only are you made to feel like you have no rights by your partner, the child may too tell you that you are not their parent.
Any views on this?

The confused male

In the world of show cases and clebrities there are as many confused males as there are females. If you hold this guy up against some ball swinging singer, he is no more and no less confused about what his role is in society, is meant to be, or should be.

I feel truly sorry for those people reading the confession of Billy Bragg, believing that men are the lost souls of earth that cannot define themselves, understand themselves or what is happening around them, and should accept that they are contemptible and wrong because they in any way reject what confronts them.

Of course the elephant in the room here is feminism. Women have already begun their journey across the landscape of gender and, persevering against great odds, they have made significant progress over the past century.

‘The elephant in the room’? pssst – he just called feminism an elephant.
At least he got that right.
‘The elephant in the room’? or the white elphant wallowing in self interest.
‘The elephant in the room’? or the contrary pink elephant destroying room after room as the wallpaper is wrong.

‘The elephant in the room’? Well, yes it is, but this fellow can’t tell what colour it is, let alone whether it’s a circus animal or a lost animal.

We don’t need these sort of apologists leading some redefinition of men, blissfully acknowledging the failing cause of feminism, offering up centuries of progress to selfish abandone, and shouting acolades to the blossoming pitiful piture that is the canvas of modern woman.

Have a read, but have a bucket handy.

We Understand How Colin Craig Feels. We don’t necessarily support his politics. We don’t know whether he gives a damn about the harm done to men, though he probably recognizes the harm to families that has resulted from the denigration of men.

However, those who speak up about men’s issues know what it’s like to be treated the way Colin Craig was treated by Russel Norman in a speech to the merry makers who could find spaces between the many politicians ensuring they were photographed at this year’s Big Gay Out. Russell Norman misrepresented Colin Craig, falsely stereotyping him as a hater of homosexuals and repressive of women. For all the reasons one might find fault with Craig’s politics, they do not include such positions and he has not expressed or lived the opinions Norman claimed he held. (more…)

This is how you do it. It’s quite simple really, it just requires opening your eyes and ears.

http://www.theguardian.com/law/2014/feb/17/mother-permissive-parenting-court-custody-battle

The injustice shown to men over the decades since the inception of the Family Court and the abuse done by that Court to children’s relationships with their fathers (and therefore to the children themselves) have been largely ignored by our media. Exposure of the Court’s sexism against men relied mainly on individual men’s letters to the editor that were often not even published, and if they were the paper would often arrange for an article to appear in the same edition reporting unsubstantiated claims by some male-hating group such as Women’s Refuge. Publicity was occasionally given to fathers’ protests outside Family Courts and Court workers’ homes but focused more on the complaints about protesters’ behaviour than on the concerns driving the protesters. On the rare occasion that news media gave voice to fathers’ concerns and experiences the stories would always include comments in reply sought from feminist spokespersons. (more…)

Story here.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/9724858/Blackmailer-rues-her-actions

Angie Rose Wilson your actions have led to the death of this man.

What ide really like to know is did you plan the consensual sexual relationship in order to make some cash from the outset or did you come up with a the plan afterwards?

I am surprised you didn’t call your prostitution rape like some do. I’m guessing you thought it best to try the blackmail path first and you didn’t get the chance to execute the false rape complaint because he killed himself.

OK so you say you are sorry now. But if you really are you would recall the decision and ask for a custodial sentence. A few months on home detention sitting in front of the TV plus a couple of weeks PD in exchange for a dead man. I think you got real value for your deeds.

Seems the Judge thinks you selling your body in exchange for money and threating all sorts of malice is equal to your crime. I do not.

My thoughts and support is for the victim and all the male victims of these sorts of crimes who continue to have the lives belittled by unequal punishment.

If you have the balls take a look at this UK add…… click here

This case really hits home how little value is given to male victims of women’s violence, and indeed how little value is placed on men’s lives. It also highlights the sexist double standard in our justice system, in this case allowing a de facto partial defence of provocation in the case of a female murderer even though this defence was abolished for men several years ago. (more…)

Hi There,

I have a review scheduled in mid February and am not sure what this process is for? what can i expect? what do
i need to do to prepare? A LFC has been appointed but i dont know who? and as yet i have had no contact from them
about what happens next? I do not understand the process so if anyone can help i would be greatful

Uk writer and separation specialist has got a good series of articles on parental alientation and ways you can work to reduce it’s impact.

http://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2014/01/29/when-children-reject-you-using-empathy-to-challenge-the-alienation-process/

The headline suggests the guy can return to work and live his live as a free man as nothing has happened. The producers, directors, ITV Grenada will allow Bill to carry on playing the part of Ken Barlow working down at the studio as he once did. – Like hell.
(more…)

There has been discussion about commercial forces using sexualisation of girls for manipulation to increase sales of low intrinsic value products.

Melinda Tankard Reist has given public presentations at Forum on the Family, her book Getting Real: Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls and a Sydney Morning Herald article Sex sells, but we’re selling out our children.
(more…)

I suggest that any Government’s management of social issues can be evaluated on the continuum:

Destructive, By Chance, Passive, or Proactive Management.

In the UK, the Government partially funds a charity called Unite, which advocates for abducted children and parents left behind by abduction. This funding allows limited research to be carried out into the effects of abduction on the children and on left behind parents.
(more…)

BBC Article

A study using the reaction of facial muscles indicates that humans have only four emotions that display themselves as happiness, sadness, irritation and fright.

The previously accepted 6 emotions theory is being challenged.

There is a significant factor here that will agravate feminists. Irritation would be a sliding scale where the same face expresses levels of disgust through to anger, and fright likewise has the same muscles expressing surprise and fear.

We are no longer angry looking men , just disgusted at what we see women doing.

UK Guardian: Courts will not give up on girl abducted by mother, judge warns
Judge issues warning two years after Humma Dar disappeared with daughter Aamina Khan after girl’s father was given custody.

It is well known in legal circles, but a carefully manipulated secret from the working public, that most child abductors (85%) are the mothers of the children.
(more…)

Barbara Kay: Ryerson drags men’s issues group through the wringer
February 4, 2014

It’s happening again. Yet another Canadian university is making life extremely difficult for a group that brings awareness of men’s issues to institutions of higher learning.
(more…)

If you can prove to the courts that you have been excluded from raising your child in any way or form by the custodial parent, then that custodial parent has no rights to funding from the non custodial parent.

A little bit about my history.

Not only was I excluded from having a parental say when my one daughter got a tongue piercing at fourteen, having shaved her head on the one side and pink on the other with stretchers in both ears and my other daughter with purple, then bleach white hair, with facial piercings, I had no say when they quit school at sixteen after having failed at school the year before either.

You can image how I was fuming! This would have been quite a normal reaction.

Fathers who do not get a say in bringing up their children should not be expected to pay.. It’s about honouring both parents. Period.

Some of you may remember me. I am the dad that wrote about parent alienation, three years ago. Two of my daughters were at the stage of not wanting to see me, so instead of loosing all and being hunted down by the IRD like a pig on the chase, I left for Australia to build a new life for myself. It took a year for me to overturn the CAPS order that the ex had placed on my kids passport, so that my youngest at least could come and visit. These CAPS orders can be placed within a day, but to remove them takes months. You need a lawyer for child and a court hearing.
Anyway, I have moved on. My daughter sees me every holiday and she has integrated well into my new family. My older daughters have never come right.
I haven’t seen a photo of them over three years. Every attempt of contact or goodwill has been met with hostility.
I find myself stalking the internet through friend of friends to see a glimpse of them, with no success. They go under pseudonyms and secret walls and when I ask my youngest daughter, she would protect them by honouring their privacy rights.
I am not the only one. There are many parents that are abused by their kids. Birthdays and Christmas’s are hard, especially when your call is rejected. You may be called by your first name or an arsehole, or worse, whilst their mother sits besides them and gloats.
I hope that one day the word empathy can bring meaning to them and I hope that one day their children will do the same, so that they know how much it hurts. It’s been years, I have lost count. I am dead to them and I have become the stalker, their father. I remember their young faces but that’s all.

Stuff report open for comment

The headline may lead to the assumption that the article refers only to men abusing men

Clearwater said nearly half of the survivors he worked with had suffered abuse at the hands of women.

“It’s a massive problem, we need to get more support for men – we’re the only agency in the country that have been doing this work.”

It may also lead to the assumption that this is an increase only in historic reporting

Detective Senior Sergeant Mike McCarthy said men were now more likely to report sexual assaults – recent and historical.

“Most victims do not report sexual assault because of fear, shame and beliefs they will be blamed.”

Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Trust national manager Ken Clearwater said there had been a big change in attitudes toward men as victims of sexual violence, including among police.

“We have guys that two or three years ago would have been laughed out of the police station.”

What exactly is the nature of female sexual abuse on men?
What type of abuse is being reported?

What one man accepts or thinks is normal female behaviour another man may consider abuse.

There must be information available somewhere (surely) that outlines what men should consider sexual abuse and for that matter what women should read as unacceptable behaviour.

Hi all,

I have been out of the Family court system since end of 2010, after finally getting to a defended hearing, getting a decent outcome, just for it to start falling apart 3 months later, followed by total destruction about 8 months later… And after the 3 years in the court getting me to the verge of divorce and entering the court for two other children, I pretty much walked away.

Things have settled down a lot in the last 6 – 12 months, and I am trying to re establish contact (total of 15 min physical contact in 2 1/2 years) I sent a formal request to my ex asking for a re introduction program with a suggestion of what I was looking for, then to continue the parenting order as per 2010. To that I have had no response what so ever, so I drew up court documents to bring proceedings back to the family court, asking for exactly what I had asked my ex directly for, turn up to the court to affirm an affidavit, to see on the wall that it now costs $220 to file an application for parenting order…

Is this for new files, or all?

Do I need to go along the line of applying to have a parenting order enforced instead?

Anthony Morahan writes in the NZ Herald that much of the comment on the murder of Bradley and Ellen Livingstone of Dunedin seems to have consisted of calls for punitive action.

Anthony Morahan: Punishing dead men will do nothing for families.

He says that women can do anything, including violence. He refers to NZ research that shows women are just as likely to resort to violence as are men.

Doesn’t he realise that this is heresy?

Lawyers aren’t supposed to publicly acknowledge that the Family Court is used to exert female “power and control”:

Protection orders are often made against fathers who are accused of being “controlling”. But women often seek protection orders to control men or to punish men for not paying what the mother considers to be enough child maintenance.

He notes that facilities which support men, such as the Father and Child Trust, struggle for funding.

He makes what seem to me to be some very sensible suggestions about protection orders:

A protection order should be granted only where there is need, not as a punishment or to give one parent an advantage over the other. Protection orders should not be used to cut off contact between parent and child. There should be arrangements for continued, but safe, contact. Protection orders should not remain in force indefinitely. A protection order should expire unless, on review, there is a demonstrable need for the order to continue.

Comments are open on the Herald website.

Inside Arohata Women’s Prison

I saw this on stuff.co.nz as a feature story with a picture up and the first thing that came to mind was what does Arohata mean in Maori.

I (and I think many people would) know that aroha translates as love.

The women sit in a semi-circle, heads down, quiet. They’re there to talk about their most private experiences, many of them traumatic to recall. Five women with five long stories of abuse, drugs and violence.

Their stories and ages differ, but all are living behind the walls at Arohata Women’s Prison.

As best I can see is that this might mean ‘without love’.

Arohata Women’s prison – the woman we no longer love – if there is a better translation than that I would like to know.
(more…)

Hello everyone, I’m hoping that you might be able to help me understand what is currently happening in my case.

In late November I filed papers seeking changes to my current contact arrangement. Most of the changes are rather minor issues, the biggest ones would be increasing contact from 1 to 2 overnight stays a week, and increasing holiday contact to a more reasonable level (it’s currently pitiful).

At a meeting regarding holiday contact in November, Lawyer for Child put very heavy pressure on me to agree to mediation. I refused to make a decision on the spot, and told her I needed time to think about it.

Among other things, she said “There are changes to the Family Court coming into effect in the New Year, and if you don’t make a decision now (about mediation), it will be much harder to sort things out later”.

Lawyer for Child has said she would support my request to increase contact, but to be frank, I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. She swings between condescending and abrasive, and has repeatedly made comments such as “I’m a single mother too, I see things from her point of view”.

My last experience of mediation was a long drawn out affair that took nearly a full day and cost me several thousand dollars in legal fees, while my ex-partner simply sat there (with her free lawyer) and refused to agree to anything. Eventually the mediator wore her down to the point of grudgingly agreeing to one day a week. In exchange I had to agree to jump through a whole lot of hoops.

My ex-partner is currently holding a grudge about our recent a holiday contact case, she won’t even speak to me during changeover, and it’s visibly distressing our child. My Ex isn’t an easy person to negotiate with on a good day, she has a history of being obstinate and I doubt she’ll voluntarily agree to any substantial increase in contact. I don’t have a great deal of confidence that mediation will produce a reasonable result.

What I’m hoping you could tell me is…

Why is Lawyer for Child pressuring me so intensely to agree to mediation? (Does the Family Court have some sort of incentive program for Lawyer for Child to get them to push for mediation?)

What are the upcoming changes to the Family Court? How would they they be relevant to my case or mediation? And when do they come into effect?

Will any of the upcoming changes affect Legal Aid? And will the changes affect my case since it was filed in November? My ex-partner is on a benefit and uses her ‘free’ lawyer to deliberately delay and draw-out every issue at no expense to her.

How much would it cost to take a case like this through to a hearing? (assuming I’m paying for my lawyer) And how long would it take?

– – Jimbob

How to use a HIDDEN CAMERA to protect yourself
(more…)

In light of recent, related events, Father and Child Trust are pleased to announce that their Fathers’ Mauri Ora Circle meetings start again tomorrow evening in Onehunga.

Since 2009, every Wednesday 7-9pm, fathers have been welcome to gather together and share issues. Dads of all ages, stages, races and cultures find solace, support and in some cases, ways to progress seemingly stalled situations…

See below for press release on website or call for further information…

http://fatherandchild.org.nz/2014/01/free-support-group-for-dads/

—
Father and Child
Trust – Auckland
83 Church Street
Onehunga, Akld
PO Box 11931
Ellerslie 1542
Ph 525 1690
021892980